Oh Brother

                                                                    " Oh Brother " 
                                                                    By Eddie John

    It was a cold gray dismal day.  A constant drizzle aggravated by a slight wind.  Temperatures hovering around the freezing point forced me to snuggle closer inside my overcoat. Once in a while a slight gust would cause the small droplets to sting against the side of my face.  Tilting my head slightly would cause my hat to block the rain from my eyes.  Seems like every funeral I have ever attended happened on a day just like this.

    Mom had been sick a long time.  Lord why didn't I spend more time with her?  It was all I could do to hold my emotions inside.  Surely she is free from pain now.  With that thought, I had to stifle an anguished cry that was trying to force my emotions into complete collapse. 

    Glancing over at my sister Connie, who was sobbing uncontrollably.  Needing to comfort her,but knowing all to well I would lose all control myself.

    Friends and family filed out as the services finished up.  Walking over to my brothers and sisters,and trying to retain control of myself.  I stood by Mom's casket.  Moms favorite, roses lay on top.

    A small tug on my sleeve brought me back to reality.  It was my sister.  "The preacher wants to talk to us" Connie said.

    I smiled and gave her a small hug, then turned my attention to the preacher.  I thought about all of the times I had sat in church,and listened to his sermons.  He looked very tired.  His face was drained of all color.  His pain was very obvious.  He leaned forward with a faint smile and said," I am also burying an old friend."  A swell of compassion moved from the pit of my stomach to my throat.  Causing me to choke on a cry from deep inside me.

  " Your mother asked me to give you this".  He replied.  He handed a small box to me.  It was a beautiful wood box,  Cedar I think.  Pulling it close to my nose I caught the faint scent of cedar.  Watching his movements as he handed each one of my siblings an identical box.  I am sure he could see the puzzled look on my face.  "There is a letter inside from your mother that will explain everything".  "This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do" he mumbled.

    Watching his frail body as he gathered up his belongings,I couldn't help feeling his sorrow.  Memories came rushing in filling my head with a much happier time in my past.  Catching a glimpse of a very different looking preacher Who was on fire for his Lord.  Lord I can't go there now.  Feeling my emotions overtaking me.

    There was a small key sticking out of the lock.  I thought about opening it,then thought better of it.  If this was a letter from my Mom, then I wanted to be alone when I read it.

    I gave all my brothers and sisters a hug said something about about visiting more often.  Knowing we probably would not.  Then headed towards my car.  I resisted looking back, but was forced to turn around and take a long look at my mother.  "Goodbye mom I love you" I said, as I turned and started the small walk uphill.  The walk had left me slightly out of breath.  I need to walk more often I thought.  My car sat patiently waiting.  That is my comfort zone against the world.  I sat inside,and closed the door.  The silence greeted me like an old friend.  I sat there staring at the box.  The box had a sense of mystery about it.  I laughed thinking this is just like like my mother anything important she would present to us making a big to do about it.  Now my curiosity was really peaked.

    Now is not the time I thought as I sat the box down.  Caressing the top of the box with my fingertips I could feel the smooth satin finish under my touch.  The box seemed to be beckoning me to open it. " Not yet mama not yet."

    Setting for a moment taking in everything that had happened.  " Good Lord," I thought as the realization of the long trip loomed into my mind.  never the less I fastened my seat belt, turned the key,and felt the engine spring into life.  Following the small one lane road back out to the entrance.  Feeling every speed bump along the way.  I noticed a break in traffic, and darted quickly out into traffic towards town.  Funny I can't recognize the very town I grew up in.

    Turning onto the interstate, and heading north out of town.  As I reached speed I hit the cruise button,and settled  back for the long ride home.  Finally, I sighed what a day.  Aimlessly I picked the small box up half looking at it, and half looking at the highway.  as I veered to close to the next lane an obnoxious horn jerked me back to reality.  I kind of chuckled to myself.  Amazing how I can tell the difference between an obnoxious horn and a regular horn  I started laughing out loud.  Well at least the other driver didn't know what I was laughing at, as he peered menacingly at me and sped off.

    Maybe I'll stop and eat soon.  The rain had stopped.  It's as if it knew the funeral was over,and turned off a faucet.  Cracking the window slightly fresh air that smelled clean filled the car.  Picking my spirit up .  I felt my mind drifting back to my childhood once again.  Mom would fix pancakes for us as we seated our self at the table.

My brother Donald was the cut up.  He would tease the girls they would in turn squeal with delight completely enjoying all of the attention.

    I don't remember my dad.  Mom just said he was away.  Mom completely filled both shoes,and filled them well, so we never felt like we were missing anything.  What time she was in our lives she was  complete, and omnipotent.  A guiding spirit in our lives.

    I allowed my mind to focus on the highway and my driving.  After all seventy fives a mile an hour on interstate seventy five is no time to day dream.  Settling back and allowing myself to get caught up in the hum of the engine.  I could feel my self slipping back again.  All the wonderful times we had together.  Now that I'm older I realize how much Mom had to struggle to keep things together for us.  What a wonderful legacy she left behind.  Horn screaming again, veering slightly, to center myself in my own lane.  Thank God I'm not a professional driver like my brother.  I wouldn't last long at this rate, I chuckled.

    Lord I'm almost home I thought as I saw my exit coming up.  I must have day dreamed through the whole trip.  A couple of side streets and I felt myself pulling into my own driveway.  I shut the car off ,and retrieved the mystery box,and went inside.  As soon as I entered old familiar smells greeted me.  Funny I never noticed them before.  Pleasant and inviting scents that told my spirit I was home.  Settling back into my favorite chair, I explored the out side of the box first.  My eyes taking in every detail.  Turning the key I felt the latch snap open.  opening the lid I peered inside.  A small ball of yarn, and a folded letter lay inside I just stared dumbfounded.  What in the world is this I thought.  Inspecting the yarn I couldn't see any thing unusual about it.

    Opening the letter I began to read.  After mom told me how much she loved me,she began to explain.  If you are holding the yarn in your hand,you are holding one sixth of a baby blanket I knitted myself.  I never told you kids,but you have a brother you never knew.  He died at a very early age while in his dads care.  We never quite got over it, and eventually we separated.  I couldn't tell you about your brother.  I didn't want any pain in your life.  You were to young to understand,and it was to painful to talk about.  He was a wonderful child.  He  loved to play in the pots and pans.  I nick named him banger for this reason.  You are grown now ,and have your own lives.  Banger needs me so don't feel sad if I live with him a little while.

    Talk to your Aunt Rhoda she can fill you in on all of the details.  I love you and will see you soon.  You  could have knocked me over with a feather.  I expected a surprise out of mom,but never in my wildest dreams did I expect this.  I tried to picture little Banger in my head,but I just could not.  Although I was somewhat comforted that she was with my brother.  I had to have more answers.  I guess Aunt Rhoda was going to get a few visits from me.  The day was just to much.  All of a sudden I was extremely tired.  I could feel my eyes getting very heavy as the day closed in on me.  I smiled goodnight mom goodnight Banger.  I pushed my recliner back ,and felt myself drift into unconsciousness.----------------------------------