Warranty on your son

Dear Mother In law,

About 18 years ago I came into possession of your son. He worked very well at first. But lately he seems to be sluggish, and he makes a lot of unpleasant noises from both ends. He sleeps all day on Saturday and Sunday, so I know his batteries have plenty of time to recharge. I considered taking him apart, to see what might be causing the problem. But for fear of voiding any warranty there may be on him I have left him intact, and am writing to inquire about said warranty. I am hoping that he came with a life time warranty so that I may send him back to you for testing and adjustments. I hope to hear back from you very soon, because his current state of malfunction is driving me up a wall.

Thanks for you time,
Your Daughter In law