I am useless

I am useless
An anachronism
Left over from when
Parents were important.

I am in the way
Progress moves around me
My pace slow
As a blur of speeding lines move
Towards something profound

I trudge forward
Each day the same as
The one before
Without destination
I keep going

What drives me
To keep on track?
Nothing holds me
No purpose or connection
Act as anchor
Giving me reason

I am an excuse
I take up space
Better used by another
I have no one who cares
I need that button to call out
For help when I fall

But if I fall
And no one cares
Does the button work?
Do I lay on the floor
Wondering if someone
Will come?

It is a test
I don’t want to risk
The answer
What if I’m right
And no one responds?
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

________________________
I know they have lives
And interests of their own
Leaving little time for
Anachronisms.

I am the past
Cut off by miles
Surrounded by people
With no commonality

I want to go home,
But home is not there
Like Alzheimer’s victim
Not recognizing where they are
And looking for what is not

I can’t go back
Time and change
Have ravished home
making it strange

I yearn for the past
For children cuddled
Under the blanket
Needing me

Now I have my dog.
Not enough
I bought cats
Again, not enough
They keep me warm at night
But still I want more
Like a junkie looking for a hit
I search for what is lost

I invite strangers into my home
They steal from me
More than my riches

Is it wrong to want comfort?
A sapient companion;
To feel part of a unit, a family?
If I could find this maybe
they wouldn’t hate me
For my need

My addiction pulls at my innards
I fill the craving with any comfort I can find
Ice cream, pasta, cookies,
Long complicated recipes
Food magazines, stores with no sizes.

Gardens flourish under my care
But no one comes to see them
I spend money
Frantic to fill the need
Hoping it will do some good
That change no matter how little
Will matter,
Will make it better
Will make them come
Will make me needed.