One More Day...

I'm going to scream

To myself, in my head

I'm going to cry like I've never cried before

I'm going to pretend for you,

Because its all I really have now

I'm going to keep you safe tonight

I'm going to keep my head up high

Tell everyone that everything is alright

But I don't even know who the fuck I am.

Why is this so hard for me?

I see their happy faces, and I envy them

Every breath I take is a struggle,

I just don't understand.

I once was happy, right?

Some time ago, I'm sure that it has to be true.

I have to believe that somehow I used to cope, I used to manage everyday

Without ever having to pretend.

Why cant I sleep?

I know I'm tried, but I just toss and turn

I dream empty dreams and awake suddenly.

I cant understand this life.

I look at you, sleeping so peacefully and I wonder how you do it.

Why can't that be me?

Why is it never me?

Like you have no care in the world.

For in this moment you are happy,

Perfectly content with your life.

Yet, I feel there has to be something more,

There always has to be something more,

Nothing is ever enough

I am never enough.

I don't understand these feelings,

These thoughts,

These things I see swimming around in my brain.

I just don't fucking understand.

Why can't you make me understand,

Will I ever understand?

All I want is to be happy,

Even if just for one day at a time,

That would be enough for me.

So I say to myself now,

Just one more day,

Just keeping trying for one more day.

Things have to look up, they just have to..