ramblings

My mind state is like a mine ready to blow they say to keep ya head up but what do they know
all they see is a visage of happiness not pain they don’t see all the delusions, all the hate, all the shame.
Where does it end why did it begin why do you do those things you do stop arguing with me and stop answering me too,
I don’t want to listen im shutting off from all the existence stop it its hurting, you don’t look at me like you use to.
Am I nothing to you like before a useless piece of materialism or maybe a whore maybe a mat maybe a floor the thing you walk over when you walk out the door?
Don’t leave me no please do I’m tired of giving my all but that’s nothing to you
you would rather play and entwine with anything else that is no not mine,
it’s yours take it take all that you can take every single piece of the whole leave me broken down I feel less than a man,
less than a child less than a pale of dirt a fly gets more rights more freedom more space even the chance to take flight
why do I deserve what I don’t get and get what I don’t want , tell  me why because I’m questioning the reason for life
the reason for giving and taking and making and breaking and all of the images given that are mere acting and faking.
All the trying to be you and trying to be this, trying to provide a false pretence, trying to be a just fit.
All the laughter and cheers the pain and the tears the moans that aren’t subtle the I wish I didn’t care,
but I do and I don’t I have will and I have won’t I have a lot of nothing at all who’s there to catch me when I fall.
Whos there to say it will be okay that day when you finally walk away when you turn your head and just say.