In Hyde Park

In Hyde Park

There was a strong smell of weed in the air. Acoustic guitars sounded and a buzz of conversation and activity defied the summer heat. The fact that it was a Sunday afternoon in term time had not deterred people from coming out to Kensington, and the likewise the presence of the Parks Police would not deter those determined to make a good time of it. Pimms flowed, though some preferred cider, and others were staying sober for school the next day.

Julia felt happy. The sharp, trimmed grass poked into the back of her neck as she lay on her back, cigarette in hand. A quick drag gave her an amiable head rush, and she smiled as her friends chattered around her. It couldn’t get much better than this. Almost fifty, perhaps even sixty teens sat cross-legged or sprawled out on the park grass around her, some playing music, others drinking and gossiping. Julia stretched her toes. A breeze tickled her bare feet, and she took another drag. Closing her eyes in the sun for a moment, she basked in the warm sunlight.

It was a good idea, getting everyone out into the greenery of Hyde Park for an open-air open mic affair. A friend, Ben, had organised the event, and Julia had arrived not knowing what to expect. She wasn’t musical, and played no instrument, but had nothing much better to do and so went along to see what was going on. She had been pleasantly surprised. Getting together in the park was a fairly standard thing to do on a summer’s afternoon, but Ben had invited everyone to bring guitars and whatnot, which gave the gathering a sense of purpose, and added a more interesting element than usual. A couple of people had stood up on the bandstand and performed formally in front of the crowd, and there had been some duets too, but they had received fairly little attention and most decided they would rather just form small groups and “jam.” Julia thought that sounded a little too sixties for her, but that was how it worked, and so she didn’t mind, instead gliding from group to group, getting to know Ben’s friends and occasionally taking a swig of beer or even a puff on a joint, but that wasn’t really her thing either. She preferred to keep things simple, with a glass or two of Pimms, and Marlboros. That way, at least she knew where she was.

That had got slightly boring though, after a round or two of greeting everyone. After an hour, fewer and fewer people had turned up, and it became apparent that everyone who was going to show had done. Ben played his set, which was nominally the reason they were all there, and they obligingly watched and applauded when expected. Then the drinking and smoking went on, and Julia took a break, relaxing in the shade of a young ash tree and enjoying familiar company.

She reached over to her bag and retrieved a battered pair of fake red Ray-Bans. Sliding them on, she exhaled deeply and flicked the butt of her cigarette away from the group. Shifting her weight slightly, she found a comfortable position and tried to empty her mind of stressful thoughts.

A shout woke her with a start. Sitting up as quickly as she could without seeming conspicuous she checked her phone. Only fifteen minutes had passed, but she had no memory of falling asleep. Then again, why would she? She was pretty tired by the previous nights and it was probably a good thing to get a bit of sleep. Although it was never hugely safe to be asleep around a tribe of drunken teenagers if you didn’t want a load of embarrassing texts send to every male name in your contacts while you were unawares. She checked the rest of the contents of her bag, and found with relief nothing was missing. Then she twisted round on the grass and took off her sunglasses to see what the noise was that had woken her.

Julia’s stomach lurched. Strolling down the path towards them, guitar case slung nonchalantly over his shoulder, was Conn Penney, two years older than Julia, and the boy she had been meaning to talk to for a good while, but hadn’t really found the opportunity to do so yet. The shout had been from Conn’s mates, who had jumped up on seeing him approach and had run out to meet him, grabbing him and wrestling him to the ground before jumping on him boisterously. Julia immediately turned back into the biggest group on the grass and squeezed herself into the circle between two acquaintances.

“Hey babes, what’s up?” Ali was in the year above her, but they’d known each other for years and he was cool.

“Not that much really.” She motioned to his guitar. “Whatcha playing?”

“Big of this and that, you know. We’re sort of just making it up as we go along. Though I don’t really play that well.”

Ali proceeded to demonstrate this by playing a riff that, to Julia, sounded pretty damn impressive. He was joined by two friends of his, and one of them sang. She was duly impressed.

“You guys should make a band. I think you could do really well, and it would be fun, right?”

He laughed. “We did try it once, but it didn’t work out.” Regarding her more closely, he said, “I always thought you could sing, though?”

Julia giggled nervously. “Only when I’m drunk, dude. I wouldn’t sing here, anyway.”

“Why not? You know everyone, and it’s not like you have to be really good.”

“Well, I – umm –” She tried not to look across the throng of people but couldn’t help shooting a quick glance in the right direction. Ali picked up on it immediately.

“Ohh. I get it.” He grinned broadly. “Yeah, well, fair enough then, I wouldn’t do it in your position either, probably.”

She looked over again anxiously, and tried to hide her consternation as she noticed Conn stand up and begin sauntering over to them.

“Oh shit.”

Ali followed her gaze, then burst out in harsh laughter as he realised what was happening.

“Hey, don’t worry man, play it cool.” He reached across the circle and slapped her on the arm, before standing. Speaking through a mouthful of smoke, he called out to Conn. “Bro, been too long! I haven’t seen you in, like, months.”

Conn extended his arms and they embraced, patting each other on the back and talking at each other, the usual ritual of questions and enquiries whose answers no one really cared about. “How’s life, man? How’s school? What happened to you after clubbing the other night? We never saw you leave.” Laughing and nodding, they congratulated each other.

Julia sat silently with the others. Ali introduced Conn to the group and on her turn, she tried not to notice his eyes linger on her one moment longer than on the others. He sat down, cross-legged, in the middle of the gathering.

She tried not to look at him too noticeably. He had pale blond hair, swept over one eye, and wore torn skinny jeans and a cardigan with rolled up sleeves that she guessed was Topman or something similar. Good taste, she thought. Individual. He also wore a nice, proper chunky watch and a leather belt that looked pretty real. Julia would usually have objected on the grounds of vegetarianism, but he pulled it off quite well, and anyway, it would be rude to bring it up as this was about the first time they’d ever really talked. Toned-down dark Converse completed the picture, and she was glad they weren’t too neat or clean. There were some boys who would pay stupid amounts of money to try to look cool, but Julia was relieved that Conn wasn’t like that. He seemed really friendly too, and was already deep in conversation with Ali and his friends about music, some band Julia had never heard of.

“I think their earlier stuff was better…” said Ali.

“Not at all, mate,” Conn smiled, “Listen to the third and fourth albums, and try to tell me that again.”

“I haven’t listened to those ones,” Ali conceded.

“Here, pass the guitar. I’ll show you.” Conn motioned to Ali’s friend, who did as he was told.

Pulling a plectrum from nowhere, Conn began to draw a bold melody from the steel strings, picking quickly and smoothly. Julia allowed herself to close her eyes as she listened. She didn’t know the tune, but she was glad that she could hear his interpretation instead of the original, which she was sure would have ruined it for her. When he finished playing a minute later, she flicked her eyes open again. For a moment she could have sworn Conn was looking at her, but then she saw he was casting a quick gaze around the circle of her friends, who were nodding approvingly.

“Mate, that was pretty good. I’ll give them a listen. That was some prime songwriting there,” Ali nodded sagely, taking a toke from a joint that someone passed him. He was looking like a bit of a prat, Julia decided, and before he could make a fool of himself she intervened in the conversation.

“I think it was really amazing” she gushed. “I wish I could play like that, how long did it take you to learn?”

For the first time, Conn looked directly at her. She blinked and tried not to wipe her brow.

“Oh, I’ve been playing, like, a year or two.”

She nodded eagerly. “Wow. That’s not that long, is it?”

“Well, maybe not, but then not everyone is as talented as I am.” He chuckled, then paused. “Nah, I’m only joking. But I guess it isn’t that long, no.”

“Do you play anything else?”

“Not really. I play guitar, of course, then also some drums and I like to sing. I also learnt piano for a few years so I can do that.” Then as an afterthought, “But I guess if you can play guitar, you can play pretty much any stringed instrument, at least in my experience, so I suppose you could add like bass and all the other kinda folksy instruments to those as well. Mandolins and shit.”

She nodded, shifting on her knees into a kneeling position. Ali stood up.

“Ok, I’m gonna go get more Pimms. You guys want some?”

They all nodded except Conn. “I’m good with Scotch, I think.” He pulled a hipflask from his pocket and took a swig. Julia stared at him as Ali went off to find the alcohol.

“Nice flask.”

He laughed, showing white teeth. “Why thank you. Some people think it’s a dumb thing to carry round, but you know, fuck them, right? I try not to pay too much attention to what other people think about me.” He put the guitar down in and took out a pack of Rizlas and filters. “Anyone got any baccy?”

An overweight blond girl Julia didn’t know offered him some. They watched him roll, deftly sprinkling tobacco on the paper and then rolling it into a perfect cylindrical shape, before licking the edge of the paper and sticking it down. He twisted the end and put it in his mouth before lighting it.

“Wicked. That’s a good one, that is.” He swept his long hair out of his eyes and then took up the guitar again. Julia tucked her hair behind her ears and put on a winning smile.

“Can you play anything I ask you to?”

He regarded her closely. “I could, probably. But actually how about I play you something I made up myself? It’s not that good, but I guess most people think it’s alright.”

He picked up the guitar and stretched his legs out into the space where it had been. The song was short and sweet, and in the fading sun of the early evening it took on a bittersweet tone. Julia felt slightly put down. Here was a boy who was really quite good at something, in fact he seemed quite amazing at everything, but she would never be looked up to like him. All she had was her huge dumb green eyes and boring straight brown hair. Even her face made her look babyish, as if she were even younger than he was. People told her she was pretty, but for once she was dissatisfied with her Mediterranean looks.

While she was thinking it over, Ali came back and the song finished.

“Sorry dude, could I squeeze back in?” Ali looked down at Conn, sprawled out in the circle.

“Ahh man, my legs kinda ache after football this morning.” He paused for a moment. “I know; how about Julia comes and squishes in here, she’s smaller, then you can go sit opposite. Mix it up, yeah?”

Ali grinned at her slightly stupidly. “Oh sure, that sounds just fine.” Hopping over the middle of the circle, trying not to spill the beers, he pulled Julia to her feet. “Remember to use a condom,” he breathed in her ear as they passed, then giggled to himself. Julia blushed, but laughed too.

“You’re so drunk,” she remarked.

Conn looked up. “Huh?”

“Ali’s just being a fool.” She sat down in the tiny gap between him and the next person along.

“Hey, there’s no space there, don’t worry about that. Just sit here.” Conn grabbed her round the waist and lifted her onto his lap. Julia tried to relax.

By now it was colder. The sun had almost set, and although there was enough light to see by, some people were beginning to leave. Julia pulled her hoody a little tighter about her. Conn seemed to notice, and drew his arms around her, pulling her up a little closer.

“Hey, it’s getting a little bit chilly for summer, isn’t it? Have a swig.”

He took out his hip flask and drank deeply before offering it to her. Julia took the drink warily. She put it to her lips and the rim tasted salty and metallic. She took a tentative sip. The whisky tasted strong but dull, and hit the back of her tongue hard. Her tongue stung, but she did feel warmer. Everyone seemed to be looking at her, but no one made any motion to take it off her, so she risked a deeper swig. It disagreed with her more the second time and she had to make a supreme effort not to grimace, but Conn smiled.

“Nice one. It’s pretty good, right?” She was about to reply, but he moved on. “Ali, man, what are you drinking?”

“Oh, some shite vodka or something. I don’t really know, man.” He giggled. “It tastes pretty strong.”

He offered them all a taste, which they duly accepted. Conn lit up a new cigarette, and shifted his legs slightly under Julia. She immediately tensed up again, taking her weight up off him. He noticed and touched her shoulder.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” he said softly, “I’m used to having girls sit on me, it’s cool.” He exhaled smoke and grinned at Ali.

“Mate. It’s been way too long. How are things? Whatever happened to that bint you met at mine that one time?”

To Julia, it looked as though Ali couldn’t remember who the “bint” was, but that didn’t stop him joining in with Conn’s banter.

“Ahh man, I can’t even remember her name. She raped me man, she raped me.” They both laughed. “But seriously man, she raped me. I didn’t even know what was going on till the morning.”

Conn nodded sarcastically. “Sure man, whatever you say. I reckon you don’t want me to tell her you said that though.” He grinned.

“You wouldn’t… Dude that would totally fuck me over!” Ali laughed loudly. “Mate, you’re a fucking joker, you are.” He breathed deeply, and lit himself another rolled joint. “But yeah, things are pretty cool at the moment.”

The smell of weed once more filled the air.

“This is some seriously good draw. I got a guy I know, gets it straight from the supplier. You can’t get any better than this.”

Conn accepted the offered joint, and tried it. Lazy smoke filtered out through his teeth, grey against their brilliant whiteness. Ali waited eagerly for judgement to be passed.

“Yeah. Seems pretty dope to me.” He snorted with laughter, and a moment later the other boy creased up in hysterics too. They laughed a good minute before catching their breath again. Ali looked up at the moon, full in the deep blue of the sky. The last rays of golden light were over the horizon now, and all around them darkness was creeping in through trees and fences. A short distance away the open black space of the round pond could be seen. There was a smear of fluffy white cloud far away, but otherwise the sky above them was a beautiful gradation of unbroken indigo and ultramarine.

“Check that out, man.”

“I know.” Conn looked up to the heavens. “I wonder if there’s anything up there.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Well, there’s like, planes and shit, right?” Ali giggled.

Conn looked at him. A moment’s hush fell. Around them, everyone else had left. It was getting late, and when Ali received no reply, he started looking around, casting about for his bag.

“I think I need to go. It was good catching up with you though, Conn man. Let’s do it again some other time, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Ali stood, shouldered his bag and looked at Julia. “You coming, babes?”

She snapped back into the conversation “What? Sorry, I wasn’t – err -”

In truth, she hadn’t been paying attention at all. While Conn and Ali had been talking, Conn’s hands had been slowly exploring and Julia was thankful for the encroaching darkness which hid the deep shade of red she was sure she’d turned. She was feeling a tiny bit flustered. It was probably Ali’s fault, messing around with her as he had been the whole evening. Maybe she should get going… But then there was no real hurry.

Ali took her momentary silence as his cue to leave, and waved a hand at them.

“See you then, guys.” He walked off down the path, into the night.

They waited a minute in silence. In the distance Julia could hear a police siren from High Street Ken, and the traffic seemed to glow warmly in the distance, but it was quiet enough that she could hear the pulse in her head, and could feel her heart beating sickeningly in her throat. Still neither of them said anything. She sat there on his knee, breathing slowly. She could feel his palms on her stomach, slightly damp through her shirt. Every now and then his fingers would apply a slight pressure for a second, and then stop. It seemed unconscious. Julia wondered what was going to happen.

“That was a nice afternoon. Chilled.” His voice cut the silence, sounding slightly hoarse.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Julia was staring down the path Ali had left by. In the corner of her vision she could feel Conn looking at her intently, but she couldn’t help keep staring down into the deep blackness.

After an eternity, he shifted her off him and pushed her gently onto the grass. It pricked her neck again, but she didn’t notice this time. He moved his face closer and closer to hers, and then their lips touched. She knew what to do. She opened her mouth, and felt his tongue on hers. Closing her eyes, she thought of his brilliant white smile, his guitar, his cool clothes, but she couldn’t concentrate for the taste of whisky on his breath. The sound of their lips closing and opening again on each other was strange, alien, deafening. All she could hear was heavy breathing and the lip sound, as if someone was chewing with their mouth open.

She felt a gentle pressure suddenly on her body. Opening her eyes but continuing to kiss him, she saw that he was lying on top of her completely. She felt his hands running off her shoulders, down the sides of her breasts and round her ribcage onto the small of her back and then further down. A vague jumble of thoughts entered her mind. What were they going to do? She suddenly felt a little claustrophobic, but kept kissing him. She felt his hands slip down into the back of her jeans, and she instinctively tensed under his touch. She broke off from his lips and he exhaled deeply. His breath smelt of cigarettes and alcohol. She brushed her nose against his and tried to shift herself slightly further up and out from being under him so completely, but couldn’t quite get comfortable. He kissed her again, pushing his tongue deep into her mouth. His hands moved round her hips.

She knew for certain what he wanted, but she couldn’t. She broke her mouth off from his again.

“No, Conn, I can’t do this.”

He didn’t make any sign of noticing. He shifted his weight slightly, and moved to kiss her neck.

“Conn, please.”

No notice.

“Please.”

The pale yellow moon watched over Hyde Park. Inky blackness lay over the water. A breeze carried dusky summer smells across the grass. The indigo sky stretched beautifully into the distance. Far off in the distance, a siren wailed.