Interview With A Meatloaf

Note: This is a blog post from http:jamesdillingham.com

Interview With a Meatloaf

This just in: Today I interview a meatloaf.

That's right - a meatloaf.

Now some of you know I am quite the cook...in some circles. If you've ever visited my site Cooking for the Single Man, then you know I have some serious skills. Today, I made a meatloaf and then later decided to interview it.

Here is what I did, I put in about a pound of hamburger. Next I added the essence of Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh, Herb Cain, Bill O'Reilly, Rupert Murdoch, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, Michelle Bachmann, Sean Hannity, Eric Cantor, John Boehner, Rick Perry and an old onion I found in the back of my silverware drawer.

I baked it for 45 minutes. After it cooled, I smothered it with Ketchup and then began my interview. Just to make sure I was getting the meatloaf's responses correct, I used an online translation site (meatloaf can be notoriously hard to understand at times.)

So, let's begin...


Me: So, Meatloaf, can I call you Meat?

Meatloaf: No.

Translation: No.


Me: How do you feel about the "Occupy" movement spreading across the country and around the world?

Meatloaf: Those people are just angry mobs of lazy people. They are jealous that some people have nicer things than they do. They feel that if they whine enough, the rich will give them free stuff. To me, they are nothing more than a passing pest.

Translation: They scare the hell out of me. Our years of shifting the wealth to our few rich friends is in serious danger of being exposed for the scam that it is.


Me: Tell me why you voted against the recent jobs bill put forth by Obama in spite of the fact that most economists say it will create jobs.

Meatloaf: The American people don't want us to waste money.

Translation: We don't want to create jobs as that will be seen as a feather in Obama's hat.


Me: What is your plan for creating jobs that doesn't waste money?

Meatloaf: We need to give more money to the "job creators" through more tax cuts.

Translation: We want to continue our 8+ year policy of shifting wealth to the rich.


Me: You keep referring to small business men as "job creators" in spite of the fact that most (98%) of them wouldn't be impacted by a tax hike on people making over $250K a year. Why is that?

Meatloaf: The American people want jobs.

Translation: This is a dual-purpose move. We can continue to funnel money to the rich while, at the same time, pretending to care about the "little" people.


Me: You recently wanted to invade Libya to support their uprising. Why is this?

Meatloaf: We want to support democracy wherever it may take hold.

Translation: War is a good way to increase the national debt while getting nothing in return. This puts money in the pockets of our largest contributors (the military industry) while giving us a chance to blame Obama for the big debt we just created.


Me: Speaking of debt, isn't nearly all of the current debt created by you, the Republican Party?

Meatloaf: What the American people want is jobs.

Translation: Yes. The Bush tax cut gave money to the rich while making the poor even poorer. The banking crisis allowed some of our largest contributors (banks) to make money before and after the crisis while lowering the overall health of the economy. Everyone knows a weak economy creates a "buyer's market." Now our cash-rich constituents can buy up the rest of the country for a song.


Me: Aren't you afraid that someone will notice that the Bush tax cuts are not working?

Meatloaf: Cherry pop tarts are the best.

Translation: No one seems to have noticed so far in spite of the overwhelming evidence that what you say is true.


Me: How is it good for the country to get rid of medicare and have it turned into a voucher program that decreases in value by about 10% a year?

Meatloaf: We need to cut costs.

Translation: We need to cut costs by adding to the financial burden of the poorest among us while not adversely affecting the huge incomes of those that helped get us elected.


Me: How is it a good idea to eliminate loop holes and then lower taxes so the "loophole users" don't lose any money?

Meatloaf: We need to expand the base.

Translation: Once again, we need to make sure the rich stay that way.


Me: Cain says that 9-9-9 is a great tax plan. How so?

Meatloaf: If we lower taxes for the job creators, more jobs will be created.

Translation: 9-9-9 is a wild guess. It sounds good but no reputable economist thinks it will work. There is absolutely no way such an idea, based on ZERO facts will ever pass through congress.


Me: Aren't you worried that someday, people will look at all of your economic policies have been tried and have failed? In fact, aren't you worried that many of your policies are still in place and are still failing?

Meatloaf: No one seems to have noticed so far.

Translation: No one seems to have noticed so far.


Me: Why is it that the Republican Party focuses on "God" and "Church" and yet all of the current candidates stand on a national stage and tell lies to each other. In fact, the most righteous of them all, Michelle Bachmann, seems to be a pathological liar.

Meatloaf: God Bless American and our troops.

Translation: Bibliophiles are fear based and will stand behind anyone that pretends to be equally fearful. Michelle is what we call a "Tinkerbell sponge." She says things that are not only untrue, but things we desperately want to be true. She brings in the votes of people who believe in sound-bites as opposed to actual facts. This keeps the conservative base on our side.


Me: What do you think about Obama sending 100 troops into Africa to find the captive medical workers?

Meatloaf: This is just another instance of a rogue president and his failed policies.

Translation: If Obama initiated it - we are against it.


Me: What about charges that you are an obstructionist party whose two goals are to capture the White House and Keep the Rich Rich?

Meatloaf: Look, what the American people want is jobs.

Translations: What about it?


Me: You just voted down a jobs bill. What is your proposal?

Meatloaf: We are tired of this president's failed policies. Butterscotch makes a good pie filling.

Translation: We don't have a proposal. We don't want jobs. If there were jobs, what would we blame on Obama?


Me: How do you explain the fact that when taxes on the rich were higher, the country thrived...every time?

Meatloaf: We need to make cuts, not class warfare.

Translation: It's good to be king.


Me: With a budget over $3 trillion, why quibble over planned parenthood and NPR.

Meatloaf: We all need to sacrifice.

Translation: Rupert Murdoch owns nearly all of the news radio stations in the country. NPR is a lone voice that needs to be eliminated. We'd try to get rid of it even if it generated income for the government. As far as Planned Parenthood goes, this is just a decisive issue. We know their jobs is to prevent unwanted pregnancies. However, by lying and telling people they are "abortion farms" we turn people against each other. Let them fight among themselves. This keeps the masses distracted from our real agenda - power acquisition. By the way, you are right by implying that, in this case, it's not about the money.


Me: How can you sleep at night?

Meatloaf: God Bless America.

Translation: I sleep on a mattress fluffed with the trillions we've taken from the middle class and shared with our brethren in the top 1%.


Me: How long do you think people will put up with this clearly obvious practice of deception and control?

Meatloaf: Forever.

Translation: People are idiots.


So there you have it. I had no idea a meatloaf could be so...revealing.

I'm going to put it in the freezer for now. I may have more questions later.

Here is your quote for the day: "Man's mind is so formed that it is far more susceptible to falsehood than to truth." - Erasmus Desiderius

I bake - you decide.

Try this...occupy something, somewhere. Don't just sit back and hope things turn out the way you wish they would.


Bake a meatloaf. Interrogate it relentlessly. Then save a world.

Up, up and away...

jim