Looking into the Mirror

         

         I’ve always dreamt of being the girl that everybody knew in high school. The popular, blonde haired girl with fancy clothes and knew how to have a good time no matter what the situation was. To me, all I am is a nobody inside and out. I had a lot of good qualities about myself though. I got good grades, did what I was told by my parents, and I am responsible. Well, 99.9% of the time I am responsible. There was one time, though, that I did the most irresponsible thing that I could have done. That thing that was so irresponsible was I forgot who I was.

                   It all started right after spring break. I was at my best friend Sarah’s house. Now she and I are so close and we never hurt one another with words or fists. At school, Sarah was always teased for no apparent reason. People would say “Yo that Sarah girl is so weird. She doesn’t have any friends. She is so ugly,” Etc. Now with me, no one knew who I was. Sure some kids knew my name but with others, they would say “who?” So anyways, I was at Sarah’s house and she and I were going through the pictures in this year’s year book. “Looks like Amy Handwith got the ‘most popular’ Colum again,” I said.

“It’s all fixed. The students who do the year book favor her cause she’s friends with them,” Sarah replied.

“It’s not fair! Why can’t we be in any of these great categories for once?” I said.

“Just told ya Lisa,” Sarah said annoyed.

I looked at myself in Sarah’s mirror. What was it that made people not know who I am? I thought and thought until I had this at the time great idea.

                   As I was walking home from Sarah’s house that night, I stopped at the store on the corner. I normally wouldn’t spend my money on stupid stuff like make-up and hair dye but that one time was the exception. When I came to my house, I ran up to my room before anyone could see what I bought. I locked the door and went towards my vanity to get started on my new looks. I wanted more than anything in the world to be noticed by at least one person. I got the hair dye stuff out of the little package and looked at myself in the mirror one more time. I started to dye my long brown hair blonde. While I waited for it to finish dying, I started trying on my new make-up. I have never worn make-up before and let me tell you, it was a challenge. I don’t know how girls do it, it’s so hard! After five attempts with different styles of make-up, I finally found the one I liked. I washed the hair dye out of my hair and dried my hair to see what my hair looked like. I was flabbergasted. My hair was blonde and I loved it!

                   Later that night, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought my hair was too long. I have been taking beauty hair style classes every day after school and even though I knew how to cut hair, I was pretty amateur at it. I thought if I wanted to risk making my hair look bad. I looked at myself one more time and decided to cut a few inches off. As I started cutting a little bit of hair but then I got the urge to cut more and more. My long brown hair turned into shoulder length blonde hair. I looked in the mirror and thought I did a pretty good job. A few ends were longer than other ends but it was hardly noticeable.           Next, I went to my closet to see if I had any clothes that I didn’t wear to school before. I found a short mini jean skirt and a buttoned down shirt. I was always self- conscience about my body so when I tried on the outfit, I was a bit uncomfortable. I looked in the mirror and saw a complete stranger looking back at me. The girl looking back at me was a girl who I thought would definitely get noticed the next day at school.

                   In the next morning, I was getting ready for school. I brushed my new blonde hair, put on my new make-up and my new outfit. As I walked downstairs, I could tell I was getting stared down by my mom, dad, and little brother. “What in the world did you do to yourself!” my mom said yelling.

“Mom, its just make-up and hair dye,” I said.

“Obviously but why?” said dad.

“I wanted to look different for school that’s all,” I said.

“Oh Lisa, you were beautiful before,” Said mom.

“Sure okay, but I’m going to be late for school can we talk about this later?” I asked

I didn’t wait for a response. I just walked out the door. What did I just do? I just gave attitude to my parents. I have never done that to my parents before. Suddenly, I felt bad for back talking them but I couldn’t go back and apologize because I was too excited to go to school. I walked to Sarah’s house and I could tell that she was giving me a surprised look. “What? Why? How?” is all she said to me.

“I will explain later but lets go to school before we are late,” I said. I just said that to go to school as fast as possible.

                   When we got to school, everyone was staring. “Is that Lisa?” I heard one girl ask. As soon as I knew it, I was the girl that everyone was talking about. First period came and I said goodbye to Sarah. I was sitting in my assigned seat when I felt like someone was behind me. I turned around and saw Amy Handwith behind me.

“Lisa? Is that you?” she asked.

“Um Yes?” I said. I was surprised she knew my name

“Nice new look!” She said.

“Oh thank you,” I said politely.

“I know this is sort of random but maybe you would like to sit by us at lunch today?” she asked.

“Who’s us?” I asked.

“Me, the cheerleaders, the football players, the whole gang,” She said

Stunned, I replied “well why?” I said in a rude kind of way.

“Well, I thought maybe you would want to sit by us I mean come on who wouldn’t and since you got a new look I thought that you could tell us how you did your hair and make-up because I, personally, love it,” She said.

I thought about it for a minute then said “Sure.”

                   Lunch came and Sara was waiting for me at her locker. For some reason, I was getting a little embarrassed by talking to Sarah. I told her about what Amy said to me. I told her how I agreed about sitting with her at lunch. I looked at Sarah and all on her face was a blank expression. “It’s only going to be for today.” I said.

“What am I going to do at lunch then?” Sarah asked.

“What do you mean? You eat lunch and then go back to class,” I said like a smart alac.

“I meant who am I going to sit by?” she said.

“I don’t know just find someone. I will sit by you tomorrow,” I said.

Sarah just looked at me. Then finally she said “fine.”

                   I walked to lunch by myself. I got my lunch and was looking for Amy’s table. I didn’t want to go there right away so I waited for Amy at the silverware table. When she came which seemed like forever, she said “Hey Lisa!” I didn’t say anything though. I just followed her to her table like a lost puppy dog. I sat down and I got all these glares from everyone there. No one said hi or even said my name, they just stared and let me tell you, it was so awkward. Finally after a few minutes of silence, everyone started talking. I got a few questions from the girls like “Where did you get your hair done at?” I would reply and said that I did it. The girls seemed fascinated and wanted to hear how I did it. I didn’t see why I didn’t talk to them before. They were so nice and didn’t act snobby at all.

                   Once lunch was over, I went to my locker and saw Sarah standing there. I was walking up to her when I was interrupted by Amy and the kids at the lunch table. “Hey Lisa! We were just going to go to Jason’s locker to chill for a little bit. Wanna come?” Amy asked.  My conscience told me not to go but of course I ignored it and said “Okay.”

                   At Jason’s locker, I started to see what the popular kids talked about. I thought the guys would talk about football and the girls would talk about cheerleading but to my surprise everyone was gossiping about other kids. They would say things like “Ew Miranda Janis’s outfit is so ugly” or “Look man its Arnold the dork!”  I was shocked to hear them say those things. They were all so nice at lunch so why were they talking crap on other kids who did nothing to them? I wanted to walk away but something in my gut told me to stay. So I stayed and tried not to listen to them.

                   School ended and I was waiting for Sarah at my locker. I waited for about 5 minutes for her but she never showed. I was a little confused because usually Sarah would always beat me to my locker and be waiting for me. I didn’t want to wait for her any longer so I left my locker and walked outside. Sarah was sitting on a rock outside waiting for me to walk home. I walked up to her and decided to apologize.

“Hey I’m sorry for not coming up to you at my locker today. Amy was having a crisis with her homework and needed me to help her with it.” I said. What did I just do? I just lied to my best friend!

“Oh it’s okay.”Sarah said. We started walk home when I got beeped at. I turned around to see Amy in her Porsche with all her girl friends.

  “Get in Loser we’re going shopping!” Amy said playfully.

I looked at Sarah and she rolled her eyes but then said “Go ahead.”

“Thank you,” I said.

I hopped in the car and all the girls looked at me in disgust.  “Why were you walking with Sarah Peterson?” asked Amy.

“I, uh wasn’t walking with her,” I said.

“Then what were you doing?” asked one of Amy’s friends.

“I was just walking home and Sarah came up to me and asked for gum. I said no and she kept following me for no reason,” I said.

“Ha-ha she is such a loser,” Amy laughed.

                   No one really said anything on the way to wherever we were going. Finally, we parked in a parking lot and I knew where we were. We were at the Rydell mall. I have only been here a few times but it was mostly when I was a little girl and I went with my mom when she had to get a new suit for job interviews or something. I felt a little bit embarrassed because I didn’t know any of the stores that we went into. We walked into a store called “Fetch” and I had no idea what was inside. All the girls went in and started looking at all the clothes. The clothes that were in there were not the type of clothes that I would see myself wearing. Plus, the clothes were so expensive. Amy came up to me and handed me all these clothes. “Try these on,” she said.

“Um, I don’t think I have enough money to buy any of these,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it I have money. I thought I would be a good friend and buy you a new outfit and get you out of those weird looking clothes,” she said.

I didn’t know if I should have taken that as an insult or compliment.

“Um, no thank you. I like my clothes the way they are and I think they are cute,” I said.

“Whatever. It’s your loss.” Amy said.

                   After the mall, Amy dropped me off at my house. I apologized for being kind of mean to her but I thought she deserved it. I mean, she said my outfit was weird looking so I thought it was right to stand up for myself but if I wanted to be friend, I would have to be nice even if she insults me. She accepted my apology and invited me to go to her house after school tomorrow. I thought about it and then finally said “Sure.” I walked in my kitchen to see my parents sitting at the dinner table with worried looks on their faces. “Where have you been? We were worried sick about you!” my mother yelled.

“Relax mom. I went to the mall after school with Amy Handwith. It’s not a big deal,” I said.

“Yes it is! First off, you didn’t have our permission to even go to the mall and second, you didn’t even tell us your plans for after school.” My dad said.

“Get off my back about this! I’m alive aren’t I?” I said

“You better knock off your attitude or you’ll be sorry,” My mom said.

“What can you possibly do? I’m not scared at all. Oh by the way, I’m going to Amy’s house tomorrow.”

“You’re not going anywhere. You’re grounded as of now,” my dad said.

“Grounded?! Why? I didn’t do anything!”

“You aren’t acting like yourself. You have this brand new attitude just out of the blue. Ever since you dyed your hair and changed your look, you have been being very disrespectful to me, your father, and poor Sarah,” my mom said.

“What does Sarah have to do with anything?” I asked

“Poor Sarah came over to tell us that you weren’t coming home until later.” My father said.

“Well, you knew that I wasn’t going to be home until later so I’m not grounded then.” I said.

“Oh yes you are. You are not going to Amy’s tomorrow. You are to come home with Sarah as soon as school is over understand?” my mom said.

I looked at them and ran up to my room and slammed the door. I sat on my bed and thought about what they said. I got up off my bed and walked towards my vanity. I looked at myself in the mirror and started thinking of a way to go to Amy’s house. “I will just go with Amy in her car after school and just go straight there for a little bit and then ask her to drop me off,” I thought to myself. I took of my clothes and put my pajama’s on and went to bed.

                   The next morning, I got dressed in jeans, a dressy tank top, and high heels. I didn’t bother to say anything to my parents as I walked downstairs. I just walked outside and slammed the door. Sarah was waiting for me and I walked to school with her. We didn’t say much to one another. When we got to school, I told her I would see her at lunch. Homeroom came and Amy came up to me. “Hey come sit by us at lunch today,” she said.

“Well I made plans to sit by Sarah at lunch today,” I said

“Why?” she asked

“She doesn’t have anyone to sit by at lunch,” I said.

“Well, can you change it?” she asked

I couldn’t say no to Amy. I’m her friend now and I can’t argue with her in order to be part of her group. I thought about it and then said “I guess she won’t mind.”

                   Lunch came and Sarah had a seat saved for me. She looked over at me and waved but I didn’t wave back. I just looked at her and walked over to Amy’s table. All of lunch, I could tell that Sarah was staring at me. I couldn’t deal with being stared at anymore so I told everyone at the table that I felt sick and needed to go to the nurse. I didn’t go to the nurse though. I simply went in the bathroom all alone. I was alone until I heard footsteps coming towards the girl’s bathroom. Soon enough, I wasn’t alone because the person in front of me was Sarah and I could tell that she was not happy with me.

“What were you thinking Lisa?” she asked

“What do you mean?” I said

“You are not my best friend. You are simply a girl who decided to change her whole self to get what she wanted,” She said.

“Why would you say that?” I asked.

“Ever since you change your looks, you changed yourself inside too. Now, you don’t have time for me or your family. All you have time for is people who you think are your friends but really, they don’t even like you that much.” She said

“What are you talking about? They all like me,” I said

“No they don’t. I overheard Amy and her little group talking about you. They were saying how you’re annoying by changing how you talk and act just cause Amy invited you to come to lunch one time. Amy only invited you over to lunch and invited you to go to the mall because she was in a bet,” she said

“Sarah you’re lying and it’s very rude,” I said

“Let me finish. Amy apparently was hanging with her friend’s and they were talking about how none of them could deal being friend’s with people like you and me. Amy said that she could do it because she is such a good person. Her friend’s all looked at her and doubted that she could. So they made a bet and told Amy had to pick some random girl or boy that they thought was a loser. Sadly, she picked you because you looked differently and tried so hard to be different which they thought was so middle school like.”

“What?” I said

“It’s true and they were saying how Amy was going to be mean to you once she drops you off at your house after you leave her house. She’s going to tell you that you were a nobody just so you could go away and leave them alone.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said.

“Fine but when it happens, don’t say I didn’t tell you so. Also, when you’re done with your double life, then come and talk to me,” Sarah said.

She walked out of the bathroom and went back to lunch. Lunch was over and it was almost time for school to be over. Sarah’s words stayed in my head for the rest of school. I didn’t believe it though. Amy wouldn’t do that because she really liked me. School was over and I waited for Amy to pick me up to take me to her house. We didn’t talk much on the way to her house and I guess when we got there, I was being a little obnoxious because I kept asking a lot of questions like “OMG do you think that Sarah is annoying?” or “I think Zach Efron is so hot what about you?” I wasn’t acting like myself at all. I was acting preppy and stuck up. We didn’t do a lot at Amy’s house, we just sat in her room and talked. Well, really I was the only one talking. Amy was just listening but looked extremely bored and annoyed in what I was talking about.

                   She dropped me off at my house around 7 o’clock. When I got out of her car, I said “Thanks for dropping me off girl, you are so amazing,”

She looked at me and said “Yeah okay so like I don’t think we should be friend’s anymore because you have been getting on my and all my friend’s nerves lately. You’re acting like one of those girls on T.V who are so preppy and it’s getting old. So yeah, I’m sorry but it’s the truth.”

With that said, she drove off leaving me standing there shocked and appalled. I felt like so upset and to make things worse, when I walked in my house, my parents just stared at me and told me I’m grounded and to go to my room. I went up to my room and looked at myself in the mirror. This girl looking back at me was evil and needed to be destroyed. I locked my door, grabbed money, and snuck out my window. I walked down the street to go to the store that I got my make-up and hair dye. I went to the hair products isle and got brown hair dye. I paid and went back to my house. I crawled through my window and started to dye my hair back to brown. When I was done dying my hair, I picked out my normal clothes for school.

                   The next morning, I got ready without any make-up, blonde hair, and trashy looking clothes. I walked downstairs and got looks from my parents and little brother. “How did you dye your hair back to normal?” Mom asked.

“I bought brown hair dye in case I didn’t like my blonde hair” I lied

With that said, I walked to school by myself. I saw Sarah standing at her own locker so I decided to go up to her. “Hey, I’m sorry for how I have been treating you lately. You were right. I guess I just wanted to be noticed by the popular people but in the end, Amy back stabbed me and told me to get lost. I’m really sorry Sarah,” I said.

Sarah stared at me which seemed like forever until she said “I forgive you. Just be you and hopefully nothing like this happens again.”

“It won’t. I realized that my life is just perfect the way it is and I don’t need to change myself to get people to like me,” I said.

                   I sat by Sarah at lunch and I felt like the popular kids were looking at me. Amy came up to me. She said “Sorry for what I said and what I did,” and then walked away. I was surprised to hear her say that. After lunch, I went to my last period and got ready to leave school. I walked home with Sarah and we were acting like best friends again. I walked in my room and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a girl who accepted who she was. Even though I’m grounded, embarrassed about how I was acting, and guilty for treating Sarah and my family badly, I finally  learned to be myself and accept myself for who I am and to me, that’s what I needed to learn all along.