“ Forgive And Forget The Damages ”

“ Forgive And Forget The Damages ”

In life, only one thing is certain  - apart from being born and eventually dieing. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your attentions are - you are going to make mistakes.  You are going to hurt people, your going to get hurt and if you ever want to recover - there’s really only one thing you can say :  “ I will for give you “. “ Forgive and Forget “ - that’s what they say. Its good advice, but its not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone rowans us, we want to be right. With out any forgiveness, old scores are never settled. When we are hurt there always comes  “Pain”. “Pain” it comes in all forms, a small sting, a bitter feeling - the random pain, the normal pain with what we live every day. Then there is this kind of “ Pain ” what you cant ignore - a level of pain which is so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the rest of the small pain and the world fade away - until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our “ Pain ” - is up to us. “ Pain ” - weirdness to doubt, or ride it out, or embrace it, or just ignore it  and for some of us the best way to manage “Pain” - is just to push threw. We all go threw life like bulls in a China Shop - a chip here, a crack there, doing damage to ourselves and to other people. In one fraise - we all are scared and damaged as we grow up. The main problem is how to control the “Damage” we have done or that’s have been done to us. Sometime the damage catches us by surprise, sometimes we think as grownups that we can fix the damage what we have caused or has been caused to us. And sometimes the “Damage ” is something we even cant see. And sometimes the damaged can actually be more that anyone of us can handle.





All of us ask for advice when we have been hurt, well to tell you the truth about “Pain”, then it goes something like this - we always think that it is too hard to deal with. But its never hard, its just painful, we know what to do when we feel pain - we just have to realize that if we didn’t know what to do in this moment when we are hurting, we wouldn’t be in so much pain from the beginning. “Pain” - you just have to ride it out, hoping that it will go away on its own. Hope that the wound that caused it - heels. There are no solutions, no easy answers you just breath deep, and weight for it to succeed. Most of the time “Pain” cant be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expected - its way low the belt and it doesn’t led up. “Pain” you just have to fight threw, because the truth is - you cant out run it and life always makes more. In the practice of adult life changes are inevitable, new lifestyles are made, new friendships are made, levels of expertise in life increase day by day. Innovation is everything, nothing remains the same for long and nothing is permanent - we either adapt to change or we get left behind. Changes in our lives - we don’t like them, mostly we fear them, but we cant stop it coming. It hurts to grow, to become an adult, to be responsible for your own mistakes, anybody who’s tells you that it doesn’t hurt - is lying.  But here is the truth - sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes changes are good, sometimes change is - everything. Wants your in, your in - there is no way out. Making a mistake, is a thing in your life which you cant undo, even if you want to - you never can. The only thing what you can do - is move on and grow. An Austrian writer Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach once said : " In youth we learn, In age we understand ". If you think a about it for a minute - its so true what she said. When we are young we get our lessons in many different ways. We won’t understand it at that same moment what we learned, but as we grow older and time passes - we suddenly realize what the lesson was for.





“ Pain ” its like a secret roadmap of our history, diagram, memories - all of our old wounds.  Most of our old wounds heel, leaving nothing behind - but a scar, but some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us every where, and there will be cuts long gone -  but the pain, still lingers. What’s worse - new wounds, which are so horribly painful, or old wounds that should have heeled years ago - but never did.  Maybe our old wounds teach us something, they remind us where we have been, what we have gone threw and what we over came. They teach us lessons, about what to avoid in the future, That’s what we all of us like to think. But that’s not the way it is or it goes, is it? Some things - we just have to learn - over and over again. After careful consideration and many sleepless nights here is what I have realized - there is no such thing as a grownup. We move on, we move out, we move away from our family’s - and form our own. But the basic insecurity’s, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just when we think that life circumstances  have forst us to become finally adults - we are wrong again. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older - but for the most part we are still a punch of kids. Running around the playground, trying desperately to - fit in. I have heard that its impossible to grow up, I just haven’t met anyone until know who has actually done it. Without parent to define us, we break the rules what we make for our selves. We throw transoms when things don’t go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it and we hope, against all logic, against all Experian’s  - like children we never give up on hope.







Once when you have been hurt, there comes the critical period. The first 24 hours after making a mistake in life or being someone’s mistake -  is critical. Every breath you take, every move you make - everything you do is critical, but what about the next 24 hours? What happens when this first day turns into weeks, and the weeks turn into months? What happens when the immediately danger passes - when the tears, the thoughts and the pain slightly starts to foldaway. This is the period when you heel, but what if you don’t. We are all damaged - it seems. Some of us more then others, we carry the “ Damaged ” with us from childhood, then as grown ups - we give as, good as we get. Ultimately we all do damage and then we settle about the business of fixing it - when ever we can. We take what faith hands us - and like it or not, love it or not, understand it or not - you coup. There is also a small back up for us grown ups - the family which we simply are born in is our starting point. They feed you and clothe you and take care of you, until you are ready to go out into the world - and find your own tribe. As one of the history’s main believed leader once said : “ Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment ”. - Buddha. The goal of any pain in life is total recovery. Sometimes the healing is fast and un painful, sometimes its gradual and its not until months or years later, when you realize that it doesn’t hurt anymore. So the challenge after any pain in life is - to be patient. Old wounds never heel, all we can hope for is that one day we will be lucky enough to forget. But if you can make it threw the first weeks and months, if you believe that the heeling is possible - Then you can get your life back, but that is a big -  “ IF ”…Remember this sentence : “ A mistake is always forgivable, rarely excusable and always unacceptable.” - Robert Fripp. William Shakespare once wrote : “ Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.”