Love and Memories

I was told
‘Just love someone
And the rest will follow’
I tried but what I found
Was not the rest
But the best and worst pain
That burns in my eyes
Whenever I see her

He said
‘Love is friends
With sex.’
But she was love
And friend and sex
And ice cold
The warmest cold
I’d ever lain next to

She left with a suitcase of everything
I stayed with a head full of nothing
But blue-sky, green-grass kisses
Stars watching us watch them
Someone else and No one else

I remember kissing you at the train station
Holding hands and walking home
Trying to learn how to spell your last name
Laughing with you for a decade
Falling in love with music together
Thinking I couldn't stand to lose you
A 1000 times wanting to say I love you
And not saying it once
Because I was afraid that you’d do
Exactly what you did.

I look at you now and you're not the same
Because my vision is no longer clouded
Without my devotion my eyes have turned honest
And I see a plain picture of a fanged girl
And I don’t want you anymore
Because you're not you anymore

So I close my eyes to prepare my senses
For the blank empty space that will take me
When my fingers uncurl
And the memories, painted and deformed
Escape
And disintegrate