Rip open the box

Empty Words



I am so stinking sick of these phrases.....



1. "God's will for your life is........."

2. " Praying for God's will......."

3. "You are not walking in God's will...." (this one makes my stomach turn)

4. "Good Christian Girl......"



To hear these coming out of any one's mouth makes me want to vomit.....That is mine, .....My woundings.....I confess here before every reader that I have been so guilty of it! I have said it, believed it....lectured it. I WAS so disgusted with myself for that. Disgusted for not trusting myself enough either...but thinking someone else would be able to tell me what to do, say, or think. That they have a direct line to God's will for me b/c I don't. (insecurity) Going from one person or thing to the next (like the ship on the sea going from wave to wave), trying to get "God's will...peace.....whatever......." My shit. I own it. My fault.  My PAST!!!! 



I allowed myself to be manipulated. I, for a time, was believing that people were manipulating and controlling me.....living in a victim mentality....But I was allowing it! Its just as much my fault as it is theirs...but mostly mine. WOW what a revelation!!!!  I am stepping out of that little tight dark box.  Its cramped in there.



I (growing up as a people pleaser/performer....and saying that does not allow me to use that as a crutch or be a victim) won't  fall back into the trap. The trap of talking to and listening to way too many people's opinions about what they think I should do, think, say, be.......For too many years, These thick, heavy chains kept me from discovering, and then being the person I am meant to be.  The person I now am getting to know and come to love very much.



People say our true character is revealed  the valleys and in how we act in those valleys. I have learned a lot about pain and loss. I am in a valley deep now....but I don't agree that our true character is revealed in the valleys anymore. I believe it is just that our emotions can be so overwhelmed.....and what we need to do is go to the one true source of peace...OURSELVES...not others.Oh, I may ruffle some feathers on this.... And what does that mean? Going to ME for my peace....that is for us as individuals to decide....I have my own belief and that will be for another piece to read another time.  Boy do I wish I had learned this earlier in life. It would have saved me so much heartache. You can bet, my children will be taught this principle.



So how the hell does anyone know what God's will for MY life is? I want to scream and shout sometimes for people to focus on their own life...but in truth...I would be screaming at myself for going to them in the first place and seeking their opinions.....for allowing someone else's perceptions to shape me...to influence me in ways that really, only The Light in me should. Shit...what a concept. Allowing THE WORD, TRUTH, and LIGHT to shape me instead of others? Wow....



He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.....Micah 6:8



THIS! THIS! THIS is His will for ME. He wants me to be in His peace! He doesn't want me to DO anything. He wants me to BE!!!! BE just, BE merciful, BE humble, BE in Him....in his presence....MY PRESENCE.... (and that looks different for everyone...my being in his presence may be completely different from someone else's...lets step out of the box a little...come on!)



"Be still and know....." Psalm 46:10



"I only need to be still..." Exodus 14:14 ...



"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment." Matt 22:37-38



That is his will. If what I am doing or saying doesn't line up with that, then, well I must be out of his will.



And then...I dare propose Christians......



Who is anyone to JUDGE if I am following these?



“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"..Luke 6:37



“If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world"..John 12:47....



Hell, Jesus didn't even come to judge me....he said so right there! So why should anyone else hold me in judgement???? What a ##$%^&@# concept!



Christians....stop pulling out your verses and manipulating them to suit your purposes....You are using the scriptures as a weapon to kill!  You are killing when you throw those stones of judgement at your peers....Stop condemning the divorced, the homosexuals, those struggling with addictions, the mentally ill.....STOP!

I am soooo sick of the judgement!!!! Christians, we are killing peoples souls...in His name! I am sure Christ grieves that in His name we do some awful things......Start loving! And if you can't love, then just shut it up and be quiet. Stop talking!  Take yourselves out of that box!  There is so much living and life outside of it.  And while we are at it, lets get God out of the neat little box we have put him in too.  There is so much more freedom and peace and love when we do that. 



I choose to love. James chapter 2 says MERCY TRIUMPHS.  I choose mercy and compassion.  I choose to be. I choose to see people's gold. I wish they would see mine. I am thankful for the few who have chosen to see my gold....But if they don't....then I need to be okay with that too. If they don't....then have a nice life....I don't have time for it anymore... I am not perfect. I will never claim it. I will disappoint. I will mess up. I have already. But I do have gold. It is there.



My shit is paid for already on the cross so why should I have to re-live it with anyone else's judgements? And I promise you, I won't judge any of you for your shit either.....



That small box is sitting on my shelf....ugly, ripped....my reminder of where I will not return.  Its a huge world and so much peace and love to experience as we break out of this performance, rule based, stone throwing, name calling religion we call Western Christianity.



I think that is enough for now....stay tuned. There is definately more to come. AND......I know its been stated that I have let people down cuz "I am no longer the conservative Christian woman" I am supposed to be. Well that is not mine to carry....that is theirs... So if by me thinking outside your box bothers you.....move along