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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville....  
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| Hello Sunshine, Today, I am content. Today, I made a decision to visit my old home. I sat in the backyard and looked around. Familiar and distant. Ever visit a place and feel lost? So far removed that you wonder if you ever belonged? Only you know you did. You have memories pinned on your heart. You have scents that linger and shadows that still move. The backyard that I walked away from. The flowers still bloom. The sun still whispers through the branches of the trees. I still feel an overwhelming sense of peace and love. It's just a place. It's just someone's backyard. Now I visit when I can. When he is not home. He has no idea I sit on the hammock and remember. I am content today. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am waiting for the sun to shine behind the rain clouds. I am waiting for a warm spring day to arrive. It will some day, but probably not today. I can always wish and dream. Something, I have always been good at is my ability to dream. To wish and hope and dream the best. I am lost in the life I am trying to accomplish. I am lost in daily activities of being an adult. I miss the sweetness of my imagination and words of poetry. I miss the dream like escape of love words and feelings that float. Of being captured in time with emotional connections. I miss flirty words and feeling vulnerable. My passion is sleeping. I need an earthquake. I need a big explosion because this isn't happening on it's own. Maybe even the sun won't be enough this time? Love, Shelly |
| Hello Sunshine, I can't believe how much my life has changed in 12 years! Honestly, I don't even recognize myself at times. I was so broken when I started my journey here. I was and will always be grateful to every single writers soul that reached out to me and lifted me up. I made relationships that still linger and live in my heart. I published a book of poetry. I concurred a mental illness. I ended a 23 year marriage. I earned a Master's degree in Science for Mental Health Counseling. I lost so much and I gained even more. Life is constantly reminding me that I am capable of change. That I have something to give and my purpose will always drive my heart. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I can't believe I made it outside of my house today. I had no intention of working in this cold weather but none of my clients canceled. Ugh. This being an adult is hard work!! I spent the day yesterday being a complete bum and I loved every minute of it. I baked cookies, cleaned out some crafts and binged watched TV. It was perfect. Now I am back in my office and ready to tackle the hard stuff. Life and people are so interesting. I can't imagine having any other career. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, A long time coming...but here I am! Back from the brink of insanity, back from being lost an an island of doubt. I made it out of the backyard. I made it out of the sand pit. I made it into the sunshine. I am getting back in touch with my writing soul. I need her. She hasn't been completely gone only writing on paper in a big journal. Lost from the public eye. I want to express her energy and get inspired. I need to feel something new and different. I spend enough time on other people's problems. I need to get in touch with my own. It is time to write and refresh. It is time to look back and laugh. I used this place to become myself. Now that I am here I will find even more of what was lost. Lucky is the person who is never finished growing. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I keep dreaming. I keep hoping on a prayer. I want so much to believe that everything is going to be okay. I do believe in the fairy tale. I want to get back to my romantic soul. I want to find a lover that will burn my heart and bed. I am bored with what is and want what will be next. I am looking but actually I am not searching that hard. I keep thinking if he is meant to find me, he will. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. I have been open to so many incredible moments. I live wide open and I want to continue like that. I feel so good about myself and what I am doing with my talents. Maybe I just need to get back to writing again. Maybe what I really need is to find in my inner poet. I miss that fire that drove words out of my heart. I love and I am love. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It's been an amazing 9 year journey. When I look back and remember my first day here I was so amazed at the amount of creative words on my screen. I was searching for a place to land. I needed a creative outlet for my worries. I needed to express my deepest heart. I needed to escape my own reality. I have traveled a land of make-believe. I became a writer again. I wrote poetry from the most beautiful part of my soul. I met friends and lovers along the way. I have walked away from writing again. I just don't put the time into it. I have no excuses. I have no one telling me to write or not to write. It's up to me and where I am at. I am content with life at the moment and that scares me. When I get content, I get lazy. I get comfortable with the noise in my head and ignore the wonderment of adventure and love. Love has and always will be my motivator. It will be the one element that keeps me expressing myself and dreaming. I am not in love right now. I am not even loving myself to my full potential. I have failed my broken heart. I lost my dream to care for myself. I have changed once again and I continue to change. I want more out of my life and I need to make that happen. One sweet beautiful moment my love will return! Love, Shelly |
| Hello Sunshine, I am sitting in my office. Okay not really MY office but the place I will work from all day. If I could change this room I would. I would paint the walls. I would add some color. I would bring life into the place. By the end of the day I will be fried. Something about the generic walls and brown couches drive me crazy. I can't even explain how boring this office is. I need color and light. I am struggling to for radical acceptance today! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, It's been a long summer! I thought I would get back to writing everyday but that didn't happen. "He" didn't happen either. He couldn't be the man I needed him to be. In fact, he couldn't even be half the man I needed him to be. I do so love my heart. It has unlimited amount of space not being used. Back on the dating sites I go. I sit and wonder why and yet I know why. I know that I was not meant to be alone. I was not meant to wallow in my own self-pity. I was made to share. I was made for laughter and enjoyment. I was made to love and so I do. I love being me! I love my kids. I have them this week and it's back to school. I think being a mom is the greatest thing I have ever done and I love it. I am not crazy about early mornings or having to cook meals and keep the house clean. I am just happy that I can share what I have with my kids. I am blessed and maybe with the cooler temps and getting back into a routine will encourage me to spend more time at Writing.com. I miss my old home! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I just did the coolest thing! My neighbor Chris asked me to help him light some lanterns for his son's 6 birthday. I wasn't sure what he meant but I said yes. It turns out that every year he lights a paper lantern and they send wishes into the night sky. I absolutely loved it! It was beyond cool to see them fly into the night sky all aglow. I love the simple things and yes I am easily amused!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, In the middle of my mind is a tragic truth. I am not as innocent as I pretend to be. I am not without faults. I have lived through so many of them. Only the truth is I have something to hide. I hide the truth of my unending love for him. I try so hard to ignore it. I fill up my days with activities and my nights with mindless nonsense. All to escape the reality of a haunting love that scares the shit out of me. It's a chemistry connection. It's beyond my control and it happened when my heart wasn't even aware. It happened over 4 years ago. It is happening again right now. This time is is gone out of State. He tells me he will be back in two weeks and everything will be different. I am not sure I can believe him. Oh I know he will be back but will he be different? Is he honestly ready for me? Is he ready to take this to a place that only real adults travel? Is he ready to be whom I want him to be? Time is my best friend at the moment. I can take this and dream. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, How can another work week be over? I love the weekends! It's hard to believe another 7 days have gone by and my kids head back to Dad's today. How come as they get older and I see them less, I miss them more? I used to spend so much time playing and talking. Now we just sit around and look at each other. I want to take them on a vacation before they go back to school. Only my funds are very tight so I need to do some research on how to find a cheap rental at a lake. I think getting them away from the Internet is the only way we can connect. They are such great kids and they deserve some fun with mom! Okay, mom deserves some fun too! Happy Friday! Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, I have been waking up under a heavy blanket of depression. It's not my normal feeling and I really don't like it. I feel heavy and slow. I wonder where my energy has gone and what is weighing me down? I don't get it. My diet is not that great, so I wonder if that has something to do with this. I also think it is about my current lifestyle. Work and no play is making me crazy. I am struggling with balance. However, I don't feel like it is enough out of whack to be contributing to my heavy feeling. I guess this is just part of being me. I have to accept that sometimes I have to work harder to feel more alive. I need to put my positive energy into myself. If I can accomplish my simple chores today I will feel good. I don't have much on my plate but I do know I will be getting out of the house for a long walk! I need sunshine and fresh air. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I made it in early to my office. I love that when I have time to set up my day and make sense of my work. I really have very little to do before my clients arrive but a ton after they leave. Writing progress reports is not my specialty. I wish I had a better system and that insurance companies didn't demand so much. I want to get paid so I do the best I can. One thing in school that they do not dwell on is that the Insurance companies are really running the show. I am so grateful I work at an agency that has a billing specialist. I would not be a very good therapist if I had to jump in hoops all day with insurance companies. Math has never been one of stronger skills. I like my listening skills so much better. I love how my day unfolds between words and emotions. I feel so blessed to be a therapist. I honestly love my work. Have a wonderful Tuesday! Love, Michelle ps...I am even going to take my son out to dinner tonight. Just the two of us. I am so looking forward to that. I think going to work when my kids are home is making me feel depressed. I want to play and hang out. It's not easy being an adult. |
| Hello Sunshine, Mother nature put on a pretty good light show last night. I didn't sleep as soundly as I normally do and I woke up in some kind of Monday funk. I am not normally a person who freaks out about work. I made sure my life resembled a happy balance. Still, knowing that I have to go to work today has made me feel a little unhappy. Perhaps, I want to be a teenager and stay home and snuggle with my babies. Whom are still sleeping. I feel like this would be a good day to nap. However, work calls and my clients need me. I love my job and will have plenty of time to nap later in life! Happy Monday! Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, I am still laughing! I went to a small gathering last night of my high school friends. We are all turning 50 this year so we had a party! I loved every single minute of seeing my old friends, getting caught up and reminding myself how truly blessed I am. I was surrounded by friendly strangers. I mean I haven't spoken to most of them in years. It was a blast to go down memory lane and realize how much we are all still teenagers in our hearts. I was never popular and I wasn't a band geek or even a cheerleader. I was just one student out of 290 that was lucky enough to smile and get invited to many groups. I fit in and despite the fact that I always felt like an outsider, I never was. I was my own circle of happiness and I still am. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It's hard to believe that even I can get it wrong in my dreams. I woke up feeling so confused only to realize it was a dang dream. It's not real. I don't have to feel that way or even act on my dream. If it is preparing me for the future then I know I am not ready. Perhaps you never are when your kids hit a certain age and the parenting advice is all you have left. You hope it was enough to teach and direct them in the right path only to discover that they are on a completely different road. I trust my gut. I trust that I did the best I could and leaving the rest up to good karma and an kind God. I am sure he will follow her path and keep her safe. Lord knows I want him too! Love, Michelle |
| I freaking love being an adult. I have learned that to move on you must close doors and say proper goodbyes. I have done it. I called and said what I needed to say. I finally got his agreement and that we are done. I learned so much about myself in this relationship. I learned about myself and my inner heart. I learned that I could love again and fall from the sky. I learned that my heart is big and beautiful. I learned that my sense of humor is magical and needed. I learned that good looks can charm me. I learned that being honest is painful. I learned that some goodbyes take a long time. I learned that toxic behavior can be excused. I learned that finding my inner will will never be broken. I learned to trust my gut. I learned to laugh at myself. I learned to love myself more! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am not in the habit of writing everyday. I will get back to it someday. I can see that I have enjoyed my thoughts and have been keeping myself busy by ignoring my inner poet. I wonder if ignoring the inner poet is why my anger is boiling? No, my anger is boiling because I have once again allowed something to happen with him. I am so over him now. I keep saying that I know. But this time it feels honest and like I can actually carry off my wishes. I don't have time for his insanity. I don't have time for his games or his lack of understanding me. I don't care anymore about being with him. I have finally learned to be independent. I have it covered. Getting paid is making me a bad ass and I love it! To finally feel like my hard work is going to pay my bills. I am going to get the heck out from under this wicked spell of poorness. I feel strong. I feel confident and sure that all my hard work is going to pay off. One sweet day I will pull it all together. It starts with my heart. Getting in touch with my core values again. Rebuilding a new life. Making choices that support my future and keep me moving forward and not running backwards anymore. I see so many fun things ahead. I got this!! I am so happy with my choices and last weekend blew me away emotionally but after every storm I wake up and move on. I am ok right here and now. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Sometimes the best healer is clear water and a good friend. I went to church...as needed and then I spent the rest of the day sitting next to a lake under a tree. I needed the peace of nature to calm my soul. It worked for a little while but now I am awake today and off on another busy work week. Denial is a beautiful place to live. Love, Michelle |
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