when innocence is lost

I know that I can trust the man he’s from the church. Momma always said to me to always to what the father McFerrin said to do so shouldn’t I do what this man says to? He wears the same things as father McFerrin and I might get in trouble if I don’t do what he says. He wants me to come with him so I guess that’s ok.
His car is stinky, like when I don’t brush my teeth. The seat is sticky and I don’t wanna be here but this is what my mommy would tell me to do. He starts the car, “I’m so glad you decided to join me my child.” He smiles real funny and puts his hand real close to my no no square. He drives away from the park faster than daddy drives but I remembered to wear my seatbelt just like a good boy.
I don’t know where were going but it’s not the same way as home like he said we were going.
“This isn’t how I go home mister,”
“Oh don’t worry, I know a shorter way.” He puts his hand back again but closer this time and leaves it there. I don’t like it and I wish I hadn’t come with him even I got in trouble for it.
After driving a while he takes his thing out and tells me to play with it, like a toy.
“But I don’t wanna! That’s weird!”
“Hasn’t your mommy ever told you to do what priests tell you?” I don’t like it but I grab it and pretend I’m playing with Barbie but it starts to get all big and hard and he makes me rub up and down on it. I really wish I hadn’t done what he said.
Finally we stop in front of a big house all by its self. He puts his thing away and turns off the car and tells me to get out and follow him.
“But this isn’t home!”
“No but you see I had to stop and get something on the way to your house and a pretty little girl like you shouldn’t be left alone.” He grabs my hand and pulls on it so I follow him but decide to tell mommy that I don’t think I like church anymore.
The house is creepy looking and I don’t want to go in but he’s pulling my hand so hard I have to. The door squeaks when he opens it and the inside smells like old people. He pulls me all the way to the back of the house but never bothers to turn on any lights. I try to tell him I can’t see anything but he’s all sweaty and not listening to me.
We go into a really big bathroom and he closes the door behind him as he takes off his robes and stands there nakey with his thing still all big and stiff. He gets real close to me and puts his mouth on mine and I can feel his thing poking my belly. He puts his tongue in my mouth and it taste icky so I try to pull away but he’s to strong. I just wait for him to finish and when he does he turns on the bath tub and tells me to take off my clothes.
“NO! I wanna go home!”
“Well sweetheart help me take a bath and I promise to take you right home ok?”
“But I wanna go home now!” he smacks me on the face real hard and it hurts so I start to cry.
“Now you do as I told you or ill hit you again but harder!”
Crying I take everything off but it’s cold and he won’t let me put them back on. He looks at me real funny and then starts touching my no no places. I try to hit him away but he holds me and I can’t move away. I cry harder and then he puts his finger in my dirty place and I feel something pop. It hurts so bad I try to fall but can’t because he is holding me so I lie in his arms and cry.
I feel blood coming out of it and I look down and see it all over the place. It’s scary and I ask him for Band-Aids but he just looks at me and makes a doggy noise before he puts his head down there and starts licking. I don’t like how it feels but I know he’s strong so I don’t fight it. He does that until the bath tub is all filled up and by then he has me all cleaned up and I’m not bleeding anymore and my privates don’t hurt so bad anymore.
Punches me in the face and I feel all weak and start to fall but he grabs the back of my hair so I don’t fall. He shoves my head into the full tub and I can’t breathe but I’m to hurt and weak to try to get away. Even if I tried he’s too strong for me to get away. The edge of the bath tub is digging into my tummy and I wish he would let me up but he pushes harder and I feel something a whole lot bigger than his finger go inside me. It hurts so bad I breathe in real hard and it chokes me so I try to lift my head but he’s to strong.
It feels like ripping, I can feel it all the way inside my tummy and up my butt ripping. I open my mouth to scream but only more water goes in. My head hurts real bad and my chest feels like blowing up. I hurt so bad that things start to go black and the black makes me hurt a little less so I’m happy for it. I just wish mommy was here because the black is kinda scary.