Person Rant

Well well well, first time actually updating something online for about a week now. Too much shit is going on in my life for me to be dealing with more things and reading dumb shit on the internet. It felt good to isolate myself from certain things & people. But the really sad thing is, no one in my life seemed to even care that I was hurting/wasn't even contacting anyone. The only person I talked to was my brotha Taylor. God bless her. I always wonder what would happen if I disappeared for a while, who would notice, and who would do anything about it. I feel like this past week gave me a glimpse of what that might be like. 1 person, just 1 person attempted to talk to me. How sad.

I can't tell the world everything that was in my head, and going on in my life. I don't want to. I took time out and spent it with my parents. I did alot of things that upset them the past week, and I had to redeem myself. No matter what happened in the past with them, I love them. And i've been holding a grudge on my dad for a very long time now, that I need to let go of. My childhood is over and I need to forget about things I went through. Time is precious, and i've been taking it for granite recently.

I don't quite understand what happened to me in 2011. I miss the old me. I was always so happy, and never selfish. Now I find things to be sad about, and I feel like i'm such a selfish person. I hate it. I grew up, that's all that happened, but I don't like it. I miss my old life, my old best friends, and everything around me.

I've said this before, that I hate going to people for help, and comfort. And if people know me well enough, they know that, and they know when I need someone, and know when I need to talk. I guess I assumed people know me better than they actually do. It feels good to be in my own world for a while, and spend time with the most important people in my life. I really need to focus on myself, my heath, and my family alot more.

I think I let people take advantage of me too much, also. Not to sound conceited, but I think people know how ''nice'' I am, and know that I won't call them out on things, so they use me to their advantage. Little do they know, I can be hurting also. I understand everyone has problems, some bigger than others, but there comes a point when you need to put everything down and be there for someone when they need you. I'm tired of putting myself out there, and getting nothing back. It's such a shitty feeling.

Well well well, first time actually updating something online for about a week now. Too much shit is going on in my life for me to be dealing with more things and reading dumb shit on the internet. It felt good to isolate myself from certain things & people. But the really sad thing is, no one in my life seemed to even care that I was hurting/wasn't even contacting anyone. The only person I talked to was my brotha Taylor. God bless her. I always wonder what would happen if I disappeared for a while, who would notice, and who would do anything about it. I feel like this past week gave me a glimpse of what that might be like. 1 person, just 1 person attempted to talk to me. How sad.

I can't tell the world everything that was in my head, and going on in my life. I don't want to. I took time out and spent it with my parents. I did alot of things that upset them the past week, and I had to redeem myself. No matter what happened in the past with them, I love them. And i've been holding a grudge on my dad for a very long time now, that I need to let go of. My childhood is over and I need to forget about things I went through. Time is precious, and i've been taking it for granite recently.

I don't quite understand what happened to me in 2011. I miss the old me. I was always so happy, and never selfish. Now I find things to be sad about, and I feel like i'm such a selfish person. I hate it. I grew up, that's all that happened, but I don't like it. I miss my old life, my old best friends, and everything around me.

I've said this before, that I hate going to people for help, and comfort. And if people know me well enough, they know that, and they know when I need someone, and know when I need to talk. I guess I assumed people know me better than they actually do. It feels good to be in my own world for a while, and spend time with the most important people in my life. I really need to focus on myself, my heath, and my family alot more. A guy who I treated very badly, was willing to talk to me. And wanted me to reach out to him. I'm jealous of people like him. He forgave me for doing what I did, and now is a good friend. So thanks, Ryan. I know you know how much it means to me, and I know you know how badly I was in need of a person who will give me good advice.

I think I let people take advantage of me too much, also. Not to sound conceited, but I think people know how ''nice'' I am, and know that I won't call them out on things, so they use me to their advantage. Little do they know, I can be hurting also. I understand everyone has problems, some bigger than others, but there comes a point when you need to put everything down and be there for someone when they need you. I'm tired of putting myself out there, and getting nothing back. It's such a shitty feeling.

I've never been a lucky person, and I've never been a person who has things go their way. Not alot of people do, but they live a normal life. I definitely don't have a normal life. Many people have it easy, and have it handed to them. I've never had that. I grew up in a broken family. I don't get to experience the awesome times of freshman year in college, because i'm stuck at home. at community college. And the way things are looking in my family, it's gonna be another year. Everyone is moving on, and i'm stuck here, for everyone to forget about, because eventually they all do. forget about me. People can say one thing, but act the complete opposite. Actions speak louder than words, and if you say you "love" someone, mean it, and prove it. And if you call someone your "friend" show it, don't just say it. Give me a reason to have you in my life, show me that you're gonna be there for me during my weakest times, like this week.

I'm tired of ranting to a website, a blog. I wish I was the type of person who could grow a pair and talk to someone when I need to tell them things. My life would be so different.

Anyways, I'm ready for 2012. I need a new year, a new start, a new everything.

If you read this, thanks! It means you actually care. And I need more people like that in my life. I hope everyone has a great rest of the week, and year, because it's almost over!!

Happy Holidays everyone!