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A poem questioning why one hadn't earned the right to be beautiful |
Oh how thou hast eluded me! How thou hast teased me so! You are so close, Yet just out of my reach. You trickster! You who are the very essence many, You are truly wicked To make me hate and long for you! Why have you done this to me? What have I done to repel you? I loved you, But when you denied me, I grew bitter Thus my bitterness grew And I laid helpless in my own self-pity. I longed for a chance to woo you, Too take you upon myself and become you I wanted you to swallow me up And leave myself. I wanted nothing more than to be you And sadly I still do. I thought I could entice you With my sweat and tears I gave up food for you I gave myself as a sacrifice Despite this, you never came, Or if you had, you never told me I hid in the shadows And covered myself I could see you all around me, Enjoying yourself with those you chose All your lovers enjoying your gifts Yet alone you had left me Had I not given enough? Had I asked for too much? Had I not been worthy of you? What had I done wrong? Your gifts are many Your lovers are heard Your lovers are seen And your lovers are wanted Most gave so little to be with you They were chosen from birth, Their paths were set But where was I? Where was I when you wandered the cribs? Where was I when you blessed so many? Where was I when you chose to love so many? Was I even in mind? Despite of you, others loved me I was given other gifts, Though they cannot compare to yours, Can they? All other gifts are outshined by yours All other gifts are rendered void And obsolete For they are nothing compared to you You who can be most unkind To those you have not chosen, Why can’t I pleas you? Why can’t I understand you? You seem so simple and plain, Elegant and flowing, Yet you are a mystery! You are truly a twisted angel! I cannot formulate you I cannot create you for myself, Only try to be touched by you But I am blind to you and you to me Even if you’ve touched me, Even if you’re with me now, I wouldn’t know I can only sense you with others. My mind has been set I am a creature Unworthy of you But trying desperately to be I have danced around In hopes of attracting you, Despite how much I told myself That I hate you You have caused me To see the hypocrisy Within myself, Which makes my hatred fester much so I’ve preached to myself against you And told myself time and time again Of how evil and vile you are, Yet I long for you just the same You have swallowed our hearts, Our souls, Our minds, Our world, even! You have created barriers That only your lovers may pass You have set standards That only your lovers may meet Worst of all, Despite all my preaching, And despite all my hatred, I love you just the same! Oh how thou hast eluded me! How thou hast teased me so! You are so close, Yet just out of my reach… Beauty… |