Sibling rivalry

Just ask Cain or Abel and they'll tell you that sibling rivalry has been around for a long time. I don't recall in Genesis either Adam or Eve favoring one child over another, but I do know something about human nature. Somebody always comes out on top.

Parents often forget that the parent-child relationship is not the same as the sibling relationship. After all, a couple chooses to sleep in the same bed and share a bathroom. If they were told that they had to sleep with a stranger and share the same sink and toilet there would be an implosion. Seems to me that sibling rivalry, though unpleasant, would be the perfect offshoot of being put in those circumstances, "ya think!"

Comparing your children doesn't spur on excellence or achievement. It just causes rancor amongst the troops. A five year old cannot behave as well in church as a ten year old and blowing spit bubbles can be amusing in a baby and atrocious in a pre-teen. Older children may have a feeling of no longer serving a purpose with the birth of "your new brother." the action of an older child taking a away a toy from the new interloper seems mild. Just imagine what the child really wants to do to them.
The youngest may feel that they have to outshine the older ones to get noticed, which in turn puts them in an unfavorable light with a brother or sister. After all, those who came first are still trying to carve their way into their parent's hearts. An errant smack to the little one by a brother makes perfect sense in a childish mind. This works well until the little one can talk and tell the parents who the perpetrator is and turns the tables. The eldest remembers vividly the faux pas of the youngest in that 'tattling.' Therefore 'big brother' becomes much more deceptive in their disciplinary actions the next go round. They often succeed with their ploy unscathed. Of course this will cause the unjustly punished child to turn on the other in a similarly deceptive way. They have observed the cause and effect of actions already seen in self righteous indignation. They learn how to 'tweak it' to their advantage the next time (think of Ralphie in "A Christmas story" whipping up those fake tears when he breaks his glasses).

I was the youngest and can confidently say that I was not a darling of my brother or my sister. Case in point, neither of them topped my list of friends or confidants. I probably had good reason if there was 'Facebook' then not to put them in my 'Favorites' (as I'm sure that I wouldn't be in theirs). Sibling rivalry is just the 'nature of the beast.' Provide one quantity (two parents) to be shared by a multiple of moderately uncivilized beings (children) and you will not find a fair proportion for each no matter how hard you try. For a child it isn't until you've grown into adulthood with children of your own that you can lay your weapons down and bond in a mutual empathy. The exception to that rule however is if you're Tommy Smothers.

It is what it is and this ancient, unsavory behavior will continue to be nourished by the human yearnings for recognition and approval. As it is coupled with the immaturity of childhood in the handling of those 'matters of the heart,' the chaos will continue. As parents you must accept the natural, keep peace as well as you can and try your best to keep your children from injuring each other. Have the faith that "this too shall pass" along with the satisfaction that your children will also be facing the hell that you're going through now. Just wait, see and hope for the inevitable. By the way, don't forget to bring out the popcorn and the jujubes and try not to laugh too loud!