Last 7 minutes

LAST 7 Minutes          

In the next 7minutes, they are going to inject a liquid in my veins. A sedative, that will make me sleep almost immediately. That is just the first step of the surgery, im supposed to have, and like all the surgeries, they are preparing me for the most important step, the line that divides life and death, conscious and unconscious, being and not being; they are preparing me for “anesthesia.”

After I go in total darkness, not being able to feel any pain or torture inflicted upon my body, I will lose all the sense or knowledge of my existence. I will be a “nobody” to myself and all my dreams, hopes, wishes, ambitions, goals, everything will also be under the effect of anesthesia, unaware of their own existence, until I cross that line between life and death, conscious and unconscious once again. Of course depending on which side of the line I end up.

In these seven minutes, which might be the last seven minutes I have with my thinking mind, the last seven minutes of my consciousness, let me think about all that matters to me in life. I always heard the preachers say that one should ask for forgiveness for all the sins, from the God in such times. I heard the bankers and insurance agents say that one should think about what he is leaving behind, for his dependants and what effect his absence will have on his financial conditions. I also heard the philosophers say that one should think about what did he get out of life, and what did he give back to this world, during all the time he was alive and living. Everyone said something, everyone thought of something. But surprisingly, I cant think of anything at all, other than Love. Not the love we all talk about day and night, with our friends, see on TV, read in novels.etc.I would like to think about Love in its purest, most genuine form. Love, which cannot be called merely “passion” or “obsession” because even these words cant define its force, it sheer power with which it engulfs you and takes your soul to a journey, where there are no limits, no boundaries. Untamed and without any forms, shapes, sizes or colors. It enlightens your spirit and make everything around u glow with that light. Love for someone, who in the last 7 minutes of my life is more precious to me than thinking about my sins, my finances, my achievements, more precious than my life itself.

Last 7 minutes, and I open my eyes once again to look for that “someone”.. To see that face once again, knowing that what I am taking with me as maybe my last memory, isn’t fantasy or a hallucination. But I see no one here.I realize that I am all alone in this white room with crisp white bed sheets and smell of medicine and pain scattered all around me. I shut my eyes once again.

Every surgery, major or minor, can lead the patient to the other side of the line. Death is always waiting patiently, sitting hand in hand with Life, outside the operation theatre, both expecting that their name will be called out next. I believe that even when there is virtually little or no connection between the mind and the body during the surgery, that part of the heart, that little corner where all the dreams and wishes are stored, takes charge of the whole body and mind. I believe that it is that part of the heart where the will to live, to carry on, to come back for someone is generated and it is from here that the message goes to the brain and to the whole body.

I shut my eyes again. And now I can see that little corner. I have very little time to do what I want for a long time. I have just seven minutes. I rush towards that little corner, I enter the room of my dreams, wishes, and will to survive. They look back at me with hope and anticipation, assuring me of their existence and loyalty in times of need. I look for that thin vein, that hidden secret wire, which connects all the messages and commands generated in this corner to the whole body. I look at it without remorse or regret and in one single moment, I cut it!! I sever it forever, making it impossible for anyone who tries to repair it because I know it takes more than seven minutes to repair that wire. That vein, that generator of dreams, wishes and hopes cannot be healed in just 7minutes,for sometimes it takes a lifetime to restore it……..I take a deep breath…………and look at the clock once again……….before closing my eyes…..forever.