Loss for words

I close my eyes and your face is there.
You always were there for me.
My heart hurts when your not
My head is so confused.
The light is no longer there
The dark cosumes me and i don't know what to do.
My eyes fill with tears when your name comes up in confersation and i feel as if your gone from my life forever.
Then i lose another and my heart crumbles.
I see that everyone else is just fine. It seems to be only me who hurts.
So i fake a smile and tell everyone i am fine. Few know that its a lie. Only few know the truth of my heart.
Then the people who were my friends have changed and i can no longer say i know who they are. my heart cracks once more.
How much more can my heart break. The love a friend and someone so close is so hard to handle and yet i am still able to lie to every face and say i am ok. I don't know how to stop.
I can't tell the truth because i don't trust people to know me.
Your turn around and show me you are still there but things are just not the same. You have different people in your life now and i don't know if i can handle that. I am at a loss for words to descibe how it feels to loose you, get you back but things be so different now, I am at a loss for words to discribe that breaking within all i know is that i am breaking apart. This is the lost of the only pastor that could have been there at such a time. This is a history that will be remebered but not continued. This is the loss of a pastor who acted as a father and loved you as a child. This is how i came to know God. And this is how i am trying to move on from the pain of loss.