Because of Adelaide

I am wondering how a thousand deaths can penetrate the wall around my silence. It was a never a question: her loss was devastating. I was looking at her with dead eyes that I wasn't able to remember with all acceptance the reality of her passing. Everything was numbing.

How could I have forgotten everything that she did for me? She loved me with all the devotion her frail heart was capable of. I never had a staunchier ally. She was my champion. Others left, other stopped believing in me. And yet until her last breath, she never gave up on me. Its ironic how one's passing is of no regard to anyone but how keenly did I feel the loss of someone so special. I never realized it until it was too late....


I wanted attention, I wanted the world to be laid at my feet. I want to be the center of someone's small universe. I, it was always about me. Looking back, I can't help but be conscious of how selfish I was. I was engrossed on my own world, I forgot that she hers was wrapped in mine.

How many times have I deliberately hurt her, ignored her. I cannot count. I ran out of numbers the days she faded from my sight. How cruel could I be that I wasn't able to openly say what I feel? I guess,  I wasn't cruel. I just realized... I was worse than that... I was indifferent. And now, no matter what I say or do, she won't see, she won't hear. And all that's left is regret. Until the day I die, I'll regret not telling her... Thank you...