Confession

Confession

DRAFT

Amber

I awake to an empty bed, and the smell of eggs cooking. My bedroom is dark, but the morning sun is trying to burst through my deep-red curtains. Leaping out of bed, I draw the curtains back, letting the sun warm me for a few seconds, until I hear Dean calling me to come down for breakfast. I smile to myself and rush downstairs wrapping my dressing gown around me as I go.

I see Dean standing by the front door, he is wearing the jeans I like with holes at the knee's and his dark hair is still ruffled from waking. I run up to him to give him a good morning kiss, but abruptly stop when I see what's in his hands. He is holding an opened envelope, with no name on the front but our address, clearly stated. He is also holding a ring. The sound of screams instantly fills my mind. “His” face flashes before my eyes. My heart is racing and I feel my muscles tense up.

Dean saw the change in me, a side of me I have kept well hidden. He knows precious little information about my past and I never had any intention of revealing anything. It seems now my time is up. I have not dared to share my story with anyone for fear of the consequences I would surely face.

Through my initial fear however, I feel a sense of relief, now I can finally unburden myself from the secret I have kept well hidden for three years. I cannot begin to imagine Dean's thoughts of me when I have told him. But I cannot lie any more.

He has not spoken yet, but I could see the questions filling up his mind.
I spend a minute trying to compose myself, I am terrified; “How can that ring be here”? The words escape my mouth without me even noticing, until Dean says “Who's ring is it Amber? Yours?”
“No,” I almost screamed at him. Then I freeze up, my voice is barely a whisper when I speak next . “Yes, It was mine,a long time ago, Dean we need to talk, come sit with me please.”
He looks anxious but agrees. My whole body is shaking as we walk to the table. It's a relief to sit down, I didn't think my legs could have supported me any longer. As we sit down I take the ring off him and set it on our oak dining table. I am still shaking and notice my breathing is very strained, my chest feels tight, then my head starts to spin, I fear I will blackout. I need to calm down and think for a minute. What am I going to do?

When I look into Dean's eyes through the glaze of tears, I break down even more. He is so loving and thoughtful how can I do this to him, and shatter our love, along with his entire knowledge of me? He has said nothing so far, I'm not sure if I find that comforting or worrying. Panic starts to swell inside me. I can't bring myself to utter the words I have been restraining for so long. After a couple more minutes, Dean grabs my hands, he startles me, then lets go and takes me in his arms to comfort me.

“What is this all about Amber? What's wrong? Please tell me. I'm worried about you”


Taking a deep breath I force the words out of my mouth;
“ I haven't told you about my past, and thankfully you have not questioned me about it, but I was afraid you would not want to know me, let alone love me, and I treasure your love more than you could ever know. I am so sorry for deceiving you like this, but now I have to tell you the truth, a story I have never revealed to anyone.”