What I should have said

What I should have said was no. Yet, here I was on a cold December night with this group of people. There were four boys and three girls, ranging in the age from fifteen to eighteen. We stood on a bridge over a river at high tide, listening to the wind blow the snow around us. The only eighteen year old was the one who convinced me to come. He promised that it would be worth it. I was beginning to doubt him. He was the first one to jump. We watched his falling form splash into the ice cold water. His girlfriend, Carla, followed. One by one, everyone else jumped. Soon only one of the boys named Eric, and I were last.

When I was five years old, I took swimming lessons at the local pool. The class was small, with only six other children. The instructor, Jeff, was wonderful. He always smiled, not a forced smile from having to deal with little kids, but a genuine smile. I couldn’t wait to learn how to swim. We all sat along one side of the pool, our feet dangling in the crystal clear water. Jeff had one kid who was brave enough to be the example. When they were done, we all hopped in. My eyes widened in surprise, I didn’t know the water was going to be so cold. I wrapped my arms around my torso to keep warm and looked around. All the other kids were practicing the doggy paddle. I forced myself to deal with the frigid water and swimming. After a few tries, I finally got the hang of it. I grinned at my accomplishment. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the feel of the now refreshing water surrounding my body, clinging to my arms and legs, and splashing around me when I kicked my legs. When I opened my eyes after a few seconds, I felt something slam into my face, knocking me off balance. I gasped and barely had time to scream as I was forced underwater and smashed my head against the concrete floor and blacked out.

From that moment on, I was terrified of being in the water, especially in a large crowd. If I had known that we were going to jump off a bridge into a river, I would have backed out, but no one bothered to tell me what was going on until it was too late. So here I stood, at the edge of the bridge, in the middle of a snowstorm, starring down at the icy water. My mind was listing all the possible outcomes of what could happen if I jumped, most of them ending with me drowning. I was so caught up in my fears that I missed Eric speak. “Hey!” he exclaimed loudly, making me jolt violently. I whipped my head around to stare at him, a mix of confusion, embarrassment, and fear on my face. “Are you going to jump or not?” he questioned. “Uhhh…” I answered, glancing down at the river and then back at him. Eric smirked. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you are afraid of the water.” He mocked. I glared at him, not wanting to admit that he was right. My look of anger just increased his grin. He took a step forward and glanced at the river and then back at me. I wanted to take a step backwards, but I didn’t want to move any closer to the icy water below. I looked around to see if I could move past Eric. I couldn’t, at least not without risking slipping and falling into the black river below. Eventually, I realized I had no choice but to see what Eric was planning on doing next. My eyes looked up and met his gaze. I quickly looked away and stared at the end of the bridge that was so close but yet so far. I unconsciously wrapped my arms around my chest, shivering as the snowy wind beat against my body. Why these idiots wanted to go swimming in the middle of a blizzard, I don’t know. Why I went with them, I don’t know. What I do know is that I wanted to go home and have some hot chocolate in front of the TV. “Well…looks like I get the privilege of helping you conquer your fears.” Eric boasted, breaking my thoughts. My eyes met his. His smirk was the only warning. Large powerful hands shot out, fingers spread out, making contact with my chest. Once contact was made, he continued pushing. I attempted to stay on the bridge, but his hands, the slippery bridge, and gravity were working against me. I would have screamed, but the air was pushed out of my lungs. I barely had time to focus on the free-falling sensation before impact with the river was made.

Have you ever done a belly flop into a pool? Hitting the river was like that only I was on my back, falling from twenty feet up. The remaining air escaped my lungs, leaving my mouth slightly open for water to fill. Slipping though the freezing cold water, I sank slowly down, not having the energy to attempt to swim up towards the surface. They say when you are near your end; you see your life flash before your eyes. The movie was just starting for me when the thought of death permeated my brain. I didn’t want to die. I couldn’t die. With a small renewal of strength, I forced my legs to kick and my arms to push the water away; hoping that the direction I was moving was up. I knew it was when my head broke the surface. I gasped, air scratching my throat. Cold and exhaustion almost defeated me, as I slowly swam towards the shore; doing the doggy paddle. Just a few feet from shore, two pairs of hands grabbed my arms and pulled me the rest of the way. My now limp legs dragged across the rocky ground. Laying the rest of my body down gently, voices attempted to enter my mind. I was able to catch a few words, such as …ok…help…call. I was about to give in to the darkness tugging around the edges of my vision, the sound of laughter pushed that darkness away. I commanded my eyes to open and stare at the group of people huddled around and above me. Actually, they were turned away from me, starring at something in the distance. It turned out to be Eric, making his way down towards the cluster of people. I heard someone; I think it was Carla, who yelled, “What the hell is wrong with you? You could have killed her!” Eric only chuckled. “She needed to get over her fear. I was helping her.” He explained. Carla responded with something that I didn’t catch. My mind was thinking about what Eric said. Although he nearly killed me, he actually did help me get over my fear of water. In my attempt to survive, I pushed my fear aside and focused on reaching the surface and getting to shore. I glanced at the calm flowing river just a few feet away, and felt no fear of it. In fact, I was actually looking forward to battling it again. The sound of shouting brought me back to the group. Realizing that they were moments away from fighting, I did the only thing I could do in my semi-conscious state, which amazingly caught their attention. “Thank you.” I whispered and blacked out.