Perception

I walked up the snowy steps of Lincoln High School. Fourteen years old. Still no friends. Not since second grade. When I changed my world completely.

I was walking down the elementary school hall with Brain Merzak, who I never quite fully understood. Although, I was eight. No girls my age understood boys. I still don’t, but that’s a different story.

Basically, Brian and I had been walking to the cafeteria together. Not quite as friends, not as enemies, but as whatever it is a boy and a girl in second grade are. Maybe they’re friends somewhere far far below the social rights that girls my age are friends with girls and boys his age were friends with boys.

That was a rule that all of my class followed with the exception of Isabel Lewis who, despite her perfectly feminine appearance, was never around girls, but boys.

Anyways, Brian had always been a quiet kid, as had-and am-I. Not quite a talker. Not the kids to rush up and start conversation or have busy weekends or anything of that particular interest.

At least, that’s what I thought.

“Carson,” he spoke suddenly, but I had almost seen it coming. “I think you’re really pretty.”

I took a few moments to register that. Being myself, I had so many important things on my mind, even at that age.

“Thanks. I think you’re really...boy-ish.” I had said in an awkward search for an answer.

At that moment he had kissed me on my cheek. I didn’t know he had liked me. Some part of me got upset during the slight moment when his lips had collided with my face.

An invisible force that had come from me had pushed him back and through the wall. He had closed his eyes and not opened them until a week later in a hospital bed.

I was not punished, for no one believe I could have done such a thing. I was a little girl. Not the smallest in my class, but maybe around the sixth or seventh smallest, maybe the fifth or sixth tallest. Somewhere in the middle, but still. Unbelievable to have done such a thing.

But Brian knew what had happened. And he had made that clear to the doctors.

“She did it! She pushed me through the wall! I dunno how! But she did! I felt it!” He had screamed in the hospital.

Rumors went flying that he was crazy. By the age of ten years old, Brian was a social outcast as well as myself. No one exactly thought I had hurt him, but no one could be one-hundred percent sure. Crazy people were crazy, but everyone secretly believed a small piece of what he had told them.

Now, I was all alone, just like Brian, who was on the lawn playing with a Rubix cube. This was one of his everyday rituals. Something that was compelling not to pay attention to.

I had my own rituals as well. Things that occurred as often as falling asleep or waking up or even blinking. Things like singling out every other fourteen year old in my class of four hundred fifty-two students except Brian.

He was my main focus all the time. I was not in love. I knew that. Love was being sick to your stomach because you couldn’t get up the nerves to say you did have feelings for someone or being in a situation where he captured your mind to the point where it was funny to even yourself that he was so important. Love was smiling because of just thinking of someone. Not almost killing him because he tried to kiss you. But I was still incredibly intrigued to focus on him.

He tossed his shaggy brown hair through his fingers. He always was a beautiful boy. Grassy green eyes, strawberry pink lips, medium length hair, spray painted freckles all over, and broad shoulders with a body was obviously one of a healthy kid.

“In love much?” I turned to see Jordan Treble behind me, smirking with perfect sass.

“No.” I answered.

“Please. No one stares at someone everyday for more years than I can count on one hand for no reason. Admit it. You are in love with Brian Merzak.” she ordered.

“I would. But I’d be lying.” I said. I refocused on Brian. His position had changed from cross legged to lying on the grass, vision looking up at the clouded sky.

“Why do you stare at him all day everyday, then?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I feel like some part of me should apologize. Should look after him.” I confessed for the first time in my life.

“Why? You didn’t do anything to him. He’s crazy. He’s Crazy Brian. He makes crap up all the time.” At that moment, protection swarmed in my body.

“He didn’t make anything up!” I yelled and the next thing I knew, Jordan was on the ground, a scarlet ribbon forming down the side of her head. A million other heads snapped to stare.

“You could’ve just told me to leave.” she said, regaining herself and walking with four other girls to the nurse. “Freak.”

I looked around. Brian had stood up and was staring at me. He shuddered before quickly taking his things and rushing away from the scene.