How to kill a wizard Introduction

Hello. My name is Alan Drake, and I'm the narrator for this particular book.

As with most works of fiction nowadays, this piece of literature blends fantasy elements with a modern setting. However, this is not one of the romantic/emotional/coming of age tales you're used to. It's a comedy. About murder. And monsters.
I apologize, I'd like to tell a story that's a bit more lighthearted in tone, possibly even something with a musical number, but this is what really happened (or at least, it's what the writer wants me to tell you).

Now, how should I start this?

Hmm..... My name is Alan, I'm in my twenties, and I've witnessed the deaths of a few wizards and vampires over the course of a few days..
I... might need to explain that last part.

You see, a while back, a former classmate/acquaintance of mine named Frank Vasquez (or is it Vazquez?) paid me to help him steal a few crates from a warehouse. Generally, I would've denied this offer, but I work in a mail room at a small record company, so you can tell that I don't make much money. So, I accepted.
After being hired to do the same job (what part of "I need the money do you not understand?) a few more times, I found out what was in those crates: Magical artifacts that grant anybody who was not born with magical abilities the power to "control the elements" or something.

I thought Frank was delusional when I saw that he was hunting this stuff down. Then he set one of the guards alight with it (it's a somewhat long story that's slightly irrelevant to the plot. I'll tell it later, if I have time).

A lot of things were going through my head when we left the warehouse (most of them being "How many years will I get for being an accomplice in a murder?"), but the one thing that rung out the most was "Why does Frank need this stuff?"
It turns out that he has a tradition where he chucks magical objects into a furnace every Thursday.

Apparently Frank and his family are in some kind of guild that has been hunting down magical beings and their tools for centuries. Though, lately they've been hunting more wizards than vampires or cyclopes. They've been hard to find, recently.
I figure it's cause A) It's impossible to tell the difference between a vampire and anyone who shops or works in a wal-mart at 2 A.M. And B) Most people who find out that they're having a child with one eye in the center of it's face tend to have it aborted or tossed into a dumpster somewhere.

I asked him why he does this, and he said something along the lines of "We live in a world so chaotic, that there are already children shooting up schools, and goat farmers (or anyone pissed at the IRS) flying planes into buildings. The LAST thing we need is magic added somewhere into that equation."

Luckily, I haven't seen Frank actually kill someone (other than that guard, maybe.), so the smart thing to do would be to just help him steal things, get paid, and not stick around for the murders, right? Unfortunately, that plan wasn't as foolproof as I expected. And that is where our story begins.


Continued on the first chapter: http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1846775-How-to-kill-a-wizard-chapt...