Money Matters

Money Matters
by: Andrei R. Ventanila

The theme of my vocation story comes from an unusual perspective. I was hesitant to write about this at first since it would mean stripping away my personal dignity and pride. Though this is quite embarrassing, it is worth the risk anyway.
How did financial crisis play a very important role in my vocation?
Before I entered the seminary almost eight years ago, I had the easy access to everything that I always wanted. My parents could afford to buy all that I needed. My father worked overseas and he was always offered with a contract every year. My mom also ran our ice cream factory. We were not rich but there was always an excess to my parents’ income. I was also the only child in the family and that helped sustain us financially. My parents, too, were very supportive of my ambitions in life such as wanting to be a doctor, a scientist, a professor or a lawyer. My parents never showed any sign of disagreement until I told them that I desired to become a priest someday. This desire, perhaps, originated from the attraction to the priestly vestments. Just like most seminarians, I was also an altar server in a parish. Mom and dad did not want me to become a priest. They simply could not buy the idea that I was going to be separated from them. But because they did not want to make me feel lonely, they finally gave me their consent.
The first two years that I spent inside the seminary were full of happy memories. I had the chance to make friends with my fellow seminarians and, eventually, I was able to treat them like real brothers. I was so focused with my life inside that I had not thought of home at all. The seminary became my home. There was nothing to worry about, only that I had to adjust to the new seminary structure.
The worry-free seminary life slowly changed to being a disturbed life in my third year of stay. That year I learned that our ice cream factory was closed down. My dad had not received an offer from abroad and this lasted for seven years. Soon, my parents had to spend all our bank savings to finish the construction of our new house because all this time we were just renting a place to live in. The fear of my family getting poor became a distraction to my being focused with seminary life. Time came when I had to write promissory notes on my own in order to take the quarterly exams. But the most painful of all these experiences was when I thought I would not be able to proceed to fourth year high school because my parents had no money to pay for my enrollment. That was the first time I literally shed tears over the fear of not being able to study in the seminary anymore. It was also the first time that I realized that the seminary already became very close to my heart. Along with this most painful experience came the most shameful experience as well: I had to beg money from somebody so that I would be able to pay for the enrollment.
Series of the same experiences followed. I also experienced the feeling of being rejected by someone whom I approached. Deep inside I felt being kicked off but I decided to hide the pain. Then I went home, locked myself in my room, and cried to bed. In spite of these agonizing experiences, I learned to be optimistic about life and I learned to rely on prayers. These prayers were soon answered in various mysterious ways. I was able to meet people who were really generous and kind. They also went through financial crisis and, because of that, they learned to lean on God. They lifted up their anxieties and went to face the difficulties in life. They simply tried their best to take an initiative even if it means having to give up their pride. I thought of doing the same. True enough, blessings just popped up beyond my expectations.
I realized that God provides only if we are truly honest with ourselves and only if we learn to acknowledge that we are beggars before him. This is also true with my vocation. If I only submit whole-heartedly to the formation, despite the uncertainty of not reaching its summit, God will surely provide the right way for me.