Forlorn

I sighed and flipped a price tag between my fingertips. Eleven hundred dollars for a crib seemed a bit much; but not if you knew my sister, Maggie. She would only have the best of things for her first child, and she had the in-laws to pay for all of it. I tried to push words like, gold digger, out of my mind. Maggie is my only sister, and I should be happy for her. Even if she is four years younger and getting married while I sit in her shadows without so much as a prospect.

"Look at this one, Jane. It's perfect," Maggie gushed with her hand to her chest in complete awe.

My eyes followed hers to a big white crib, complete with pink bows carved into the four posts and lacy sheets. "It's amazing," I couldn't help but agree.

"Let's keep looking," she sidled. I don't know why I felt surprised. "Hey, is that Jason? What is he doing here?"

Have you ever ignored someone because you don't want to believe what they're saying to be true? I practiced that now as I looked at everything on the highest shelves in Amy's Baby Emporium. "Oh, look, that stroller is nice," I tried, my voice squeaking out even more meager than I felt.

"No, seriously, Jane. It is. It's Jason. Hey, Jason! Over here!"

I glared at my sister with the rage of all mythological gods. Before I could even find an escape route, there he was. It had been almost a year since we'd seen each other. A year next month, in fact, now that I think about it. Not that I keep track or anything. It's just, well, you know.

"Oh, wow. Janie, you look..." he breathed a familiar voice and every joint in my body rattled. "It's been a while."

I forced my eyes to look at his. I wouldn't let it be like it was last time. His icy blue eyes froze me and I inhaled what, suddenly, felt like mountain air. "What- What are you doing here?" I asked, sounding brasher than I had intended.

"I, um, well, the thing is," Jason fidgeted with his wristwatch.

"Ha-ha-ha! Cat got your tongue?" Maggie interrupted, hand on her bulging stomach.

I don't know if she was trying to ease the awkwardness or what, but it just made the tension worse. Plus, I was speechless now that I had noticed the white gold band bedazzling Jason's ring finger.

He noticed, too and made some strange attempt to hide his hand underneath a car seat he had been lugging in his right hand. "I guess I should be going," he sighed, giving me a look of what I swear was longing.

"Yeah, you do that," I felt nasty, awful thoughts encroaching upon my brain.

He nodded, understanding my frustration, and headed toward the checkout counter. The guy who would never get married. The guy who couldn't dream of having children a year and a half ago. The guy I'd spent, scratch that, wasted five years of my life with was now shopping in the same baby store as my debutante sister.

I stared at Jason as he walked out, not daring to look back over his shoulder. Probably terrified of the shell of a girl he would see staring back empty eyed, shoulders slumped.

For once, I was happy that Maggie didn't skip a beat, "You were saying about a stroller?" She glanced at the shelves I'd so desperately been trying to distract her with just a moment before. I guess she's not such a bad listener after all.