Legal Jargon

Randy opens the front door, runs to the home office to find his wife. "Vicky, you won't believe that that scumbag Joe has told the police that we were part of his hideous act."
She puts down her ESL teachers manual, "How can we be involved in his crime, we didn't know anything about it?"
"I don't know but we've gotta get a lawyer. This can be serious. I never did care much for Joe." Randy grumbles as he flounders through the yellow pages, searching for a lawyer.

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"Good morning, I'm Attorney Jack Trades."
"Good morning, this is Vicky and I'm Randy Sandt. Thank you for seeing us on such short notice."
"No problem. Please have a seat." Dark wood paneling covered three of the four walls creating a sense of authority. "Now, we spoke briefly about your situation over the phone, but I need you to start from the beginning, start from square 101. "

Vicky shot a look at Randy. Randy, knows that she is questioning the attorney's words, ignores her stark stare and just smiles back at her. He believes they don't have time to be picky and shop around for attorneys. He feels that any attorney can provide them justice since they are innocent.

"Well, I met Joe at the local pub. I go there in the evenings after work about every other day. I probably have known Joe only three months before that night. We would chat a few words, but never would I call ourselves friends. Well, that night I walked into the pub and Joe was already their--I am usually their first. Seems he had been there quite some time 'cause he was drunk, making a ruckus. I pulled him aside."

"Wait, what do you mean causing a ruckus?"

"Well, he was acting out foolishly, going up to people, strangers, and saying things. I don't know exactly what he said. I could just tell the people were bothered by him. So, anyway I pulled him aside and we sat at the table. I got me a beer. He got himself another.

"I asked him if he was ok. Then he started telling me a crazy story. I didn't think much of the story because of the slurring and all, I mean, he was very drunk."

"What exactly did he say?"

"He said he didn't like his boss, so he killed him. And he smiled and laughed when he said it."

"What else did he say? Did ya'll discuss anything else?"

"Not too much of importance. After he said that thing about his boss, he started talking about becoming a country music star. Then he started talking about the lyrics to some songs, I don't remember which songs.

"So after that one beer, I could tell that he couldn't make it home on his own. I felt an obligation to help him. So I brought him to my house and put him on the couch where he passed out. Vicky was ok with it, but she didn't want him staying long. Tell you the truth, neither did I. If I could go back in time, I would have never brought him to my home. I wish I 'd never even gone to the pub that night."

"Ok, Mr. and Mrs. Sandt, it sounds like he is trying to cut a plea bargain by providing names. He is claiming you as 'after the fact accessories' by harboring a fugitive, but you don't have anything to worry about anything. We have the face in the hole."

"What do you mean?" Vicky blurts out, jumping up in her chair.

"I mean, Randy hardly knew this guy, and when he found him drunk in the pub speaking crazy ramblings, Randy could only trust him as far as he could spit him out.. Therefore, since Randy didn't believe the story, the accessory charges will have to be thrown out the sink."

"Huh?" leaning her head forward squinting her eyes at him. Randy pats her on the thigh and nods at her, a sign for her to back off.

"The both of you are going to be ok."The attorney affirms, looking only at Randy. "I will meet with the judge and the defense sometime within this week. I will settle the matter. Ok, Anything else?" Silence in the room orders the attorney to stand up and direct the clients out the door.

"Thank you, Attorney Trades" Randy boldly shakes his hand.

"Thank you, we'll soon have that thorn that you ride out of your mind"

Vicky just nods her head walking out the door.

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"Hello?" Vicky answers the phone mid-morning.
"Oh, hi Ms. Sandt, this is Attorney Jack Trades."
"Oh, hello Attorney Trades, do you have good news for us?"
"Well, yes, I'm calling to inform you and your husband that you can now sweep the matter under the rug. "
"So, you mean that the charges are dropped?"
"That's right. What's good for the goose is good for Gandhi. And the real criminal will get a good dose of his own medical care.
Vicky is in awe of the pure stupidity of the Attorney. She sighs and hangs up the phone.