The L Word

Chapter 1

         There was no reason for him to act like such a butthead!  I only asked him to help me pick out an outfit, but he annoyed me instead.  “Can you just help me, please?!”  I yelled at my brother.  “He’s gonna be here any minute.”
         I shuffled through the clothes on my bed again, trying in vain to find the right one.  “You don’t need to find the perfect outfit to go over to your boyfriends’ house, you know,” he said as he stood behind me.
         “Yes I do.”
         Randy didn’t like him anyway, so of course he didn’t care if I impressed Jacob or not.  He picked up a yellow blouse and held it out in front of my face.  “Just put this on and go get ready.  If he comes, I’ll keep him occupied.”
         He forgot that I could read his mind by listening to his voice and looking at his face.  “Please, Randy.  Be nice to him.  For the love of God, if you scare him off tonight”-
         “Relax.  I was only joking.”
         I could tell he wasn’t thrilled about me going out with Jacob on our birthday instead of staying with him and Mom.  But we were sixteen now, and I wanted to spend some time with my boyfriend.  I rarely get to see him as it was lately.  I took the blouse he offered me and some jeans and went into the bathroom to change and get ready.  Jacob was my soul mate, I just knew it.  We met six months ago at a school mixer dance and he was one of the Gradbury boys.  He approached me, which was good because I didn’t have the courage to even glance at him for too long all night.  I’ve been absolutely nuts for him ever since then.  Randy told me there was something he didn’t trust about him, so every time I had them both in the same room, he never even talked to him or really acknowledged his existence. 
         I waited in the living room for him, but he was late, like always.  Randy was absorbed in the TV as I watched out the window.  “He’s not coming,” he said after a half an hour.
         “He is too.”  I threw a pillow at him. 
         Then I saw his car pull up to the sidewalk and he honked the horn.  “Bye, Randy.  Bye, Mom,” I shouted to them and went out the door.
         I had to hide my excitement from Jacob as I got in his car. He had to know I wasn’t pleased with this at all.  “Hey, baby.”  He leaned over to kiss my cheek, but I pulled back.  “What?” He looked at me, confused. 
         “You’re over a half an hour late.”
         “Come on, that’s not that bad.”
         For him it wasn’t, but in general it was.  “And you could have at least come inside.” 
         “I’m sorry, okay?  Can I just have my kiss?”  He gave me his pouty lips and puppy eyes look.  “Pwease?”
         He knew I couldn’t help but crack a smile at that.  It was hard to ignore something that looked so goofy and pathetic.  I came closer and pecked his lips, but he said, “Hey, what was that?  I wanted a kiss.”
         His hand came up to cup my chin and he kissed me with tongue for longer than I expected.  “Jacob, we’re still in view of Randy and Mom.”
         He sighed and stopped.  “Alright, alright.”  He shifted his car into drive and started driving.
         As we got onto the highway, he pulled a cigarette from his visor and lit it with one hand and took a long puff.  “So,” he said to me as he blew the smoke out the cracked open window, “sixteen today.”
         I was hoping he’d remember without me having to remind him.  “Yeah,” I smiled.  “Finally.”
         Jacob turned sixteen before we met, so I missed celebrating with him.  I was glad that I got to spend my sweet sixteen with my boyfriend.  He blew another smoke cloud out of the window.  I hated that he smoked, but I tried not to bring it up too much.  He didn’t stop when I told him to anyway.  “What’d you do for the big day?” he asked.
         “Nothing special.  Mom made me and Randy a cake, but we didn’t really celebrate much.”
         Birthdays were never that big to Randy and me.  We loved having the big parties with millions of people when we were kids, but the last few years we liked to just go off and do our own things.  Jacob and I talked for the twelve blocks it took to get to his house, then he flicked his butt away and took my hand as we walked inside.  It was all dark and his parents’ vehicles were gone from the garage.  “Jacob, can you turn on a light?”          
         I knew what he wanted to do and I knew he’d end up begging me for it, but I didn’t want him to even start.  That was the only thing I didn’t like about him; he wanted me to have sex with him.  Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I seriously considered it, but my moral side always shined through and I was able to stop things from going too far.  And I didn’t plan on changing that.  At least not before marriage.  He flipped a switch on and the living room light came on.  “Mom and Dad are gone, you know.”  He smiled as he played with my hand.
         “I know, I saw.”  Please don’t ask me.
         “You want anything special for your birthday?”  He grinned and kissed me.
         “Not that, Jacob.  Not tonight.” 
         “Why not?”  He kept kissing my neck as he backed me up to the stairs.
         “I told you, I’m not ready yet.”  My back hit the stair railing.
         He sighed against my neck.  “You’re a torturess, Riley.”
         He always said that, even though he tortured me more than I did him.  “Can we just watch a movie or something?” I asked him when he looked back up at me.
         “Sure.”  See?  He always submitted, eventually.
         I sat on the couch as he went to put in microwave popcorn.  I snuggled up to him as we watched Shallow Hal.  He kept one arm around my shoulder and one held my hand.  His thumb rubbed back and forth across my knuckles, and it was so soothing to me.  I lay my head on his shoulder as the night went on.  By the end of the movie we were kissing.  This was a good birthday and nothing could ruin it.
***
         The phone started to ring after a long time.  Jacob was laying over me with his shirt unbuttoned and our hands roamed everywhere as we kissed.  “Shouldn’t you get that?”
         “No,” he captured my lips again and I didn’t care about the phone anymore.
         The answering machine beeped and a girl said, “Hey baby, I was just wondering when you were coming to pick me up, but you’re not there, I guess.”  What the hell was this?!
         “Shit,” he mumbled, and looked up at the machine.
         Shit was right!  “Well, call me when you get this.  Love ya, bye.”  It beeped again.
         “What the hell was that?!” I said angrily at him as I sat up.
         He sat off to my side.  “Listen Riley, I can explain.”
         “Explain what?  Who the hell was she?”  This couldn’t be happening.
         He looked down and didn’t answer.  “That’s what I thought.”
         I got up and went to get my shoes back on.  “Riley, I was going to tell you.”  He walked after me.
         “When, after I slept with you!?”
         I was so pissed and hurt I could hardly keep my thoughts straight.  How could he do this?  He said he loved me!  “Baby,” he touched my shoulder.
         “Don’t touch me!” I turned to face him with watery eyes.  “How could you do this to me?  You said that you loved me.”
         “I do,” he went to touch my face, but I backed away.  “I’m sorry, Riley.”
         Like that was supposed to make it all better, take all the hurt away.  Two little words and I was supposed to forgive him?  I don’t think so.  I opened the door and walked out.  He didn’t even come after me.  How could this happen to me?  He was so sweet and sincere about everything with me, and then he had to stab me right in the heart with this.  Randy was right I guess, something definitely wasn’t right about him.  I walked the twelve blocks home as I cried like a baby.  When I got back home I went straight to my room before Mom or Randy could see me and I shut my door as I cried more on my bed.  He said he loved me, he said it first even.  How could he take our love and just tear it apart?  What a sweet sixteen huh?
         Randy came in, probably using his twin senses to know that I wasn’t alright.  “What happened?” he said as he sat down on the bed by my feet.
         I didn’t even want to say it aloud, but he wouldn’t leave until I did.  “Jacob’s been cheating on me.”  I sobbed into my pillow.
         I expected him to say I told you so, but instead he said, “you want me to kick his ass for you?”
         I laughed a little.  The thought was appealing.  “No. we’re better than that.”
         After an hour or so of self pity, Randy and I pigged out on our cake and ice cream and went through all the pictures of me and Jacob to cut them up.  It felt good to run those scissor blades across his pretty little face.  I should’ve seen it coming.  I mean, we hadn’t spent that much time together lately and he’s always over at that stupid private school around girls who are way prettier than me.  Whenever I even mentioned me seeing him be friendly with another girl, he just said I was being paranoid.  No one meets their soul mate at sixteen, how could I have been so stupid?
***
         When I went to school that Monday, my friends somehow already knew about it.  Randy probably told them.  I was sitting at lunch, still feeling pretty shitty, when Alison said, “I knew this would happen.  He was such a jerk.”
         They kept saying that, but I never thought of him as a jerk before, although I did now.  And they never had complaints about him.  Shouldn’t they have told me what they thought about him before?  “You’re way better off, Riley,” Melissa said.
         But I missed him so damn much!  He was the only boyfriend I ever had and I never even considered he would dump me or cheat on me.  We loved each other, and I did everything for him!  Maybe it was because I didn’t sleep with him and this other bitch did.  Why did everything have to revolve around sex?  Believe it or not, sex was originally meant for married couples, not the immature kids that run around this school.  I’m definitely saving myself for marriage, or a fiancé at least, and if a guy didn’t like that, then I didn’t care.
         Alison and Melissa kept babbling, telling me that he didn’t deserve me anyway and all that crap, but I wasn’t listening as I ate.  I prayed this kind of talk wouldn’t last forever.  I hated pity.  The only good thing about today was the fact that he went to a different school, because I didn’t think I could handle seeing him in the halls.
         When I got home I sat in my room with our golden retriever Butter and just IMed on the computer.  Our school had an entire chat room dedicated for the students to get to know each other better and it actually brought me to a lot of my friends.  Not many people I knew were on, so I went on Facebook to chat with Alison.  When I saw Jacob’s account signed on I deleted his name from my friends list.  I expected it to feel good, but along with the relief came the emptiness.  I had spent hours talking to him.  Besides that bit of longing I felt, I was sort of okay.  I was proud of myself for taking this all relatively well.  I knew I could probably cry my head off in bed still like most people, but the sadness had actually worn off (for the most part).  When Randy broke up with Shauna last year he stayed in his room for two days and wouldn’t even talk to me.  She was a bitch though; she mostly just dated him because she knew he’d do anything for her, which he would because he was absolutely crazy about her.  I used to talk to her, but not anymore and she knew why.  “Riley, did you take Butter for her walk?”  Mom yelled upstairs.
         “I’m going,” I yelled back as I got off the computer.  “Wanna walk?” I asked Butter excitedly.
         She knew what the word ‘walk’ meant so she immediately jumped off the bed with her tail wagging.  I went downstairs, got my shoes on, hooked her up to her leash and took her for her walk.  The sun was starting to set and it was starting to get colder, so I snuggled into my coat and kept my hands in my pockets.  Butter liked to pull all the slack she could out of the leash and she often had to stop and cough because she was choking herself.  She’d never been the best at heeling, but she loved her walks.  We just walked around the block, only a few cars passed and no one was out in their yards at this time.  I liked it at this time a day, and sunrise, because the air usually got just the right temperature and the air smelled so crisp and clean, and the sky had all those pretty colors.  It gave me the first glimpse of peace I was missing since my birthday.
         When we got home I went out with Randy to rent some movies for the week.  Mom never let us buy movies for some stupid reason that she’d never cared to explain to us.  The great thing about being twins is that you always have someone that likes pretty much everything you do.  Randy and I always picked good movies together.  My friends asked me once if I ever wished I had a girl twin instead of a guy, and I never have.  I loved being his twin, and he loved being mine.  If he was a girl I’m sure we’d probably get into fights all the time over stupid stuff like boys or hair styles or something. 
         When we got home again Mom said that Jacob left me a message, but I deleted it without listening to it.  It wasn’t easy, but I didn’t even want to hear his voice.  What could he possibly need to tell me?  He knew damn well that he couldn’t deny what he did, and he knew I wouldn’t forgive him, so he had no reason to ever talk to me again.  Randy and I watched one of our movies, but I didn’t focus on it too much.  One of the scenes reminded me of Jacob and I spent pretty much the rest of the movie thinking about all the good times we had together.  Jacob had practically become my world since we started dating.  He wasn’t just a boyfriend, he was my friend.  We didn’t talk about deep, personal things, but it was easy to have a conversation with him about the things we had in common.  Losing him was like losing a piece of me, and I didn’t know how my life was going to be the same.  That little bitch, whoever she was, had to go and ruin the greatest thing in my life, and I didn’t know how to go about fixing it. 
         Melissa called as I was about to get in bed.  “Hey,” I answered.  “Why the late call?”
         “Can I spend the night at your house tonight?”
         I could hear her crying.  “What happened?”
         “I just really need to get out of the house.  My mom’s acting psycho again.”
         “Do you need me to come pick you up?”
         “Yeah.  There’s no way I’ll find the keys for her car.”
         This happened to her a lot.  Her mom had serious mental problems, or at least that’s what we all thought.  She hadn’t been diagnosed with anything, mainly because she’d never gone to a doctor to get her head checked.  Ever since Melissa was little she’d have mood swings, paranoia, and even violent tendencies.  She never physically hurt Melissa, but that didn’t mean she was a good mother by any means. 
         Melissa was sitting on the sidewalk in front of her house when I got there.  She tossed her backpack on the floor of the car and got in.  “What’s her problem tonight?”  I asked.
         “I don’t know.  She just came home and started criticizing every little thing about me.  My homework, my friends, my choice of boyfriends, my weight.  Everything you can imagine.  And then she went to her room and locked herself up in there like she didn’t even want to look at me.”
           I felt bad for her on nights like those.  Her mom really knew how to tear her up emotionally.  “It’ll be better tomorrow.  She always snaps out of it,” I said.
         “I know, but I couldn’t be there anymore tonight.  If she started it up again, there was no way I would be able to control my temper.”
           “Sometimes I wish someone would knock some sense into her.”
         She laughed.  “Me too.”
         When I got home I called Mom at the hospital and explained why Melissa was staying the night.  She didn’t mind, she knew that Melissa’s mom was crazy.  Melissa came up to my room to borrow some pajamas and she saw the cut up pictures of Jacob on my desk.  “How appropriate,” she said, looking at them.  “I would’ve burned them, but I’m a bit more dramatic than you.”
         I smiled.  “Cutting them was satisfying enough.”
         “Why didn’t you throw them away.”
         The thought never even crossed my mind.  “Um, I don’t know.”  She picked up some pieces and moved towards the garbage.  “Don’t!”
         “Why not?”
         I didn’t know why I wanted to keep them, they were just shreds now, but watching her head towards the garbage with them made me anxious.  “I’ll do it.”
         I grabbed them from her and slowly let them flutter from my hand.  His face smiled up at me a million times by the time they were all in the trash.  Melissa started talking about something, but I kept staring at them.  “Riley, are you listening?”
         I looked at her.  “What?”
         She rolled her eyes.  “Forget about him.  He’s trash, and I mean that in more ways than one.”
         I wanted to forget him, toss his memories in the trash along with his photographs, but my brain and my heart were working against me. 






Chapter 2
         In that first week he left me seventeen messages on my cell and stopped by twice.  I bet he would’ve have stopped by more if I hadn’t sent Randy outside to get rid of him the second time.  He wouldn’t tell me what he said, but the visits stopped and the calls lessened.  Ignoring the calls took an extreme amount of will power on my part.  I wanted to talk to him like nothing had happened, go back to our easy conversations, but I had to stay strong in this.  He even went as far as to call me on another phone so I’d pick up, but when I heard that it was him I hung up.  It’s easier to stay away from someone if they never get the chance to fill your head with their bullshit.
Another thing that helped was having a job, in my case at the local bookstore, so you can keep your mind preoccupied.  And once I passed my driver’s test, with only seven points deducted, I was able to drive there without Mom having to be in the car with me.  Sometimes Jacob would drive me there, but obviously that wasn’t going to happen anymore.  It was a pretty easy job.  I just had to stock the shelves with the new books when they came in, and work the register.  Luckily there were never very many customers so I used the down time to do homework.  People in this town were apparently uninterested in reading.  Randy stopped by to hang around and keep me company a few times a week, but he was also searching for a job so I knew he wouldn’t be doing that for much longer. 
My new Jacob-free life was pretty boring, but it was a lot better than the alternative, which was having to kiss him again knowing that another girl had probably touched those same lips not too long ago.  How hard is it to stay faithful, seriously?  If you know you like another person, then dump your current one first!  Sure, you don’t want to hurt them, but it hurts a hell of a lot more to find out about it later.  Sorry, I’ll stop now before I get too far into my own argument. 
         As I was doing my homework one day, a guy came in wanting to buy five different art books.  He looked young, around my age.  What would a high schooler want with so many art books?  He was pretty cute too.  He was as tall as Jacob, who was a little taller than my 5’7, had dirty blonde hair, a diamond stud in one ear, some paint on his shoes and sweater cuffs, and really pretty blue eyes.  The books he was getting were all painting and metal work and they were the pricier ones that we had.  The total came up to almost a hundred dollars, but he paid it all in cash and walked out looking at one already.  He was a bit odd in that, mysterious quiet boy way, but he was cute nonetheless.  I didn’t remember ever seeing him around school.  Maybe he went to Gradbury.  He did look familiar, though. 
         At home that day I caught Mom with some company in the kitchen.  They were kissing, which was the oddest thing I could ever see my mother doing, then stepped apart when they noticed me standing there.  “Oh, Riley.  I didn’t know you were home.”  Clearly not.  “This is Tim.  Tim, this is my daughter, Riley.”
         I couldn’t bring myself to say anything more than hi to him.  This guy just had his tongue in my mom’s mouth!  Eww!  When he left a few minutes later Mom came into the living room and sat on the couch next to me.  “So, you want to talk about this?” She said uncomfortably.
         “Not particularly.”
         “I know I should have told you guys about him, but it’s only been a few weeks and I didn’t want it to be a big deal until I knew we’d even last.”
         “So, you’re lasting then, huh?  I mean, you brought him here so obviously you’re lasting.”
         “Yes.”
         Mom had boyfriends before, but the relationships never went anywhere.  Randy and I usually scared them to death with our mere presence.  Like they thought a 32 year old woman wouldn’t have kids.  This guy could be the same, but hey, I wasn’t judge yet.  As long as he was better than my ass of a dad was, then I guess he was okay for her. “Well at least he didn’t try the whole ‘she looks more like your big sister than your mom’ line.”
         I didn’t know how many times I’d heard that in a movie.  Mom went to work at the hospital, where she was a medical assistant, after our little uncomfortable talk.  And of course, I told Randy as soon as he got home.  “You saw them kissing?  Eww,” he said with a thoughtful, and somehow disgusted, face. 
         “You’re telling me.  I’m the one who had to see it.”
         “Good for her, though.  At least she has someone, unlike us lepers.”
         “You’ll find someone eventually.”
         “And what about you?”
         “What about me?  I have no one to look for.  Jacob was my soul mate and he doesn’t want to be faithful to me.  Why torture myself through hundreds of break ups for the rest of my life?”
         I ate some more of the chips we were sharing.  I wasn’t hungry in the slightest, but our conversation was depressing me.  “Oh, come on.  No one finds their soul mate at fifteen.”
         I don’t know about that.  Who says you have to be old to find true love?  “Jacob was an asshole,” Randy continued.  “I never liked him from the start.  You need a good guy, not a Gradbury prep.”
          “I won’t go looking for anyone else, but if they find me and I get some kind of sign that says were meant to be, then I’ll try to date them.  But I’m not making any promises.”
         “You’re hopeless.”  He stole the chips from me and changed the channel.
         “And what about you?  Who was the one that was pining about breaking up with their girlfriend for a month?  And you even broke up with her.”
         “I get it.  But I got over it didn’t I?  And I didn’t think she was my soul mate either, now did I?”
         “Shut up.” I was smiling when I said it, unable to help myself.
         I knew he was right, but I was too.  I wouldn’t go looking for love, it was going to find me if it really wanted to.  We kept watching TV and eating until we were too tired to watch it anymore.  When I went to bed I let Butter sleep next to my legs.  I needed her comfort.  She was such a snuggle bug, so I didn’t have to worry about her leaving me in the middle of the night.  Dogs were dependable like that.
***
         In school I told Alison about my mysterious book store stranger.  She told me I should pay attention in my art class, that way I’d know if he went to our school because he obviously would take art.  She’s so smart sometimes.  The bad part was when I went into art I didn’t see him.  But he could have been in another class, too.  If I knew his name then the mystery would be over and I wouldn’t be so intrigued anymore.  I was sure of it. 
         Then, after school when I got to the bookstore, he was there again.  He was already standing in the back by the art section as I came in to start work.  I watched him move about the books and pretended I wasn’t whenever he was angled towards me.  Something had to give me a hint of what school he was from, but he didn’t give away anything.  He wore normal clothes, not too scrubby and not too classy and he had no back pack so I couldn’t even tell if he had the custom made Gradbury bag.  He stayed for a few minutes, looking at the books, then left without buying any.  I watched him walk past the window, as if it would give me a hint of his identity, but of course it didn’t.  I wish there was some kind of hint.
         By the time I got home I was in my ‘I don’t care anymore’ mode.  I took Butter for her walk and sat in my room on the computer talking to people on Facebook.  The hype of tonight’s statuses was the races tomorrow night.  Every other Friday night the high school kids would trespass on some field out in the country and have four wheeler/dirt bike races.  In a small town like Forest Greene, Wisconsin, (original name, right?  I thought the same thing when we moved there, and I was only six at the time!), where there wasn’t much to do, it was a big deal.  It was actually pretty fun to go watch.  Randy usually borrowed a friend’s dirt bike to join in on it so I always had to go root for him.  Alison and Melissa said they were going because the guy Melissa had been crushing on would most likely be there.  All she knew about him was that his name was James and he goes to every race that she’s been to.  That’s what she does, she crushes on anybody who might have talked to her in passing or gave her the eye or something insignificant like that.  But I know she’d beg me and Alison to go and give her a confidence boost so she could finally go over and talk to him.  But I didn’t want to go.  I know I want to support her and Randy, but Jacob sometimes went there and I didn’t want to see him.  When I told Alison that she wrote, ‘you have 2 go!  He can’t stop u from going anywhere!’
         And of course she was totally right.  If I avoided everywhere he might be then I’d be confined to my house.  ‘But what would I say 2 him if he’s there?’
         ‘Just ignore him.  And if he approaches tell him u have nothing 2 say 2 him.’
         Just for the record, that was easier said than done.  I told her I’d go, but I wasn’t going to like it.  If I saw him I knew I’d let him talk to me and convince me to take him back.  I knew it because I still couldn’t picture being with anyone else.  And if he gave me his pathetic look and puppy eyes I’d go weak like I always did.  If he said he wasn’t with that other girl anymore and that he wouldn’t do it again, I’d believe him.  I just wanted him back!  I loved him so much and I know he loved me.  I mean, what guy would admit that if he didn’t mean it?  He was always so honest and sincere about everything.  Randy came into my room and interrupted my Jacob thoughts.  He was eating a bowl of cereal as he talked in my doorway.  “Mom wants us to entertain her new boyfriend with her on Saturday.”  He took another bite and dropped the spoon back in the bowl.
         “Why?”
         He shrugged.  “All I know is that I’m supposed to tell you not to make plans for that night.  Personally I think it’s too soon to spring the kids on him.”
         “Maybe he’ll take it well.  You never know.  Men can’t expect all women over thirty to not have kids.”  I finished my chat on Facebook and turned my chair to face him.  “Does she know anything about tomorrow?”
         “Not a clue.  She has to work the late shift again, so she’ll never even notice we’re gone.  It’s perfect.”
         She never caught us.  Even when she was home we would just say we were going to a friend’s house.  She knew about the races, you’d have to be living under a rock not to, but she didn’t want us going to them.  She had a little problem with the fact that they were illegal.  There was usually alcohol there and the only place to have them is on someone else’s property, usually an empty field that the owner lived too far away from.  But that’s what made it more fun, knowing you could get caught at any moment.  There had been a few close calls, but Randy and I never got caught.  “You should pick me up after work so we can get there before the crowd this time.  I want to actually see the race this time.”
         “Whatever.  Always have to be picky,” he joked as he walked out.
         Last time there were so many people I couldn’t even get close enough to watch the race.  I liked to root for him, even though he never won.  He got second a lot though.  It didn’t seem to get to him, but I knew he’d really like to win at least once.  Who wouldn’t?
         After he left I shut my door and started changing into my pajamas.  I stood in front of my wall mirror to take my ponytail out and smooth my hair out.  I hated how plain brown my hair was.  I suppose I could’ve dyed it, but I was always too lazy to put the effort into that.  Besides, that was like a lifetime commitment.  If I dyed it, I’d have to dye it every time the roots started growing back.  The only redeeming quality about my hair was that it stayed flat and smooth without much effort.  Even when I let it free from the elastic tie, it only took a few brushes to get it to lie flat.  When I was done with my hair, I stood there for an extra moment, just staring at myself.  Did I always look so tired, or was it just because of my mood?  I leaned in closer to look under my eyes.  No bags, and no ugly red lines to join the green of my eyes.  Thank god!  I hate the red lines.  My eyes are not supposed to look like a Christmas festival! 
         I stepped back from the mirror and was about to get into the bed when there was a knock on my door.  “Riley, can I come in?” Mom asked on the other side.
         “Um, sure.”
         She came in and closed the door behind her.  “Do you think it’s weird that I’m dating someone?” she sat on the edge of the bed.
         “Well, you are my mom.  It’s always going to be weird.”  I knew I said the wrong thing when she looked down, guilty.  “But it’s okay, Mom.  I know you’re young.  You’re the youngest Mom I know around here.”
         “I just don’t want to settle into middle age, single life,” she looked at me.  She looked even younger when she was worried.  “All of my friends have been married at least once, and I haven’t had a boyfriend for longer than two months since I had you and Randy.  It’s hard not to want what everyone else has, even at my age.”
         “You think Tim will be around past the two month mark?”
         “I don’t know.  I hope so.  When I told him about you and Randy he didn’t act to nervous about it.”
         “Sorry we put such a cramp in your dating life.”  I was only half joking.
         I really wanted Mom to be happy.  I wanted her to find a guy that wasn’t intimidated by me and Randy.  It wasn’t fair that she was doomed to the single life just because of us.  “Never apologize for being my kid, Riley.  I’m the one who got pregnant so young, and I’m the one who decided to keep you and Randy.  You know I love you guys.”
         “I know, I’m just saying I wish men wouldn’t be so intimidated by us.”
         She lay back on the bed and I lay down next to her.  “Me too.  But I really think Tim is going to be different.  If we break up, it’s not going to be because of you and Randy.  He actually seemed eager for dinner with us all on Saturday.”
         I guess that meant Randy and I would have to be on our best behavior.  If Tim was willing, and actually look forward, to meet us, then we should put a little effort into making him like us.  “I’m sorry I came in to bother you about this again,” she said suddenly.  “I should let you get some sleep.”
         “It was no problem, Mom.”
         She got up anyway.  “Thanks for listening at least.  Even if you didn’t want to hear about my love life.”
         I laughed.  “It wasn’t so bad.  You’re not too old to think of it as completely gross yet.”  As long as she didn’t talk about sex, I had no problem talking to her about her boyfriends.
         She smiled.  “Well, gee, thanks.  Good night, Riley.”
         “Good night, Mom.”
         I hoped dinner with Tim would go well.  I didn’t want to be the cause of destruction if he ended up breaking her heart.