Felix

Felix

The dead of winter is when the ferals show up.  Half dead with starvation they stagger into the barn yard.  I feed ‘um and they come alive again.  Then they slink around until spring and meow their appreciation one day as I put their bowl down.  Another two weeks and I snatch them up and it's off to the vet.  Male or female, don’t matter, they get fixed.

It’s not cheap and my friends don’t understand the logic of fixing Tom’s.  My answer is that a neutered male won’t go looking for trouble like one that still has his balls.  What those Toms do to one another when a female's in heat makes for some very bad listening and worse watching…So that’s why I do it. Anybody’s seen a cat fight will tell you there’s no such thing as free pussy.

My latest one’s named Felix…, before I found out he was a she.  Felix has a white moustache that looks like a handle bar worn by some foreigner.  The other cats must not be kin because they tried to kill her.  So this dumb assed feline decided to become a dog.  That’s right a fracking dog…

Started hanging out by the front door and began following the dogs around outside.  At first they didn’t take to it but Felix persisted…when they took to frolicking in the pasture, Felix went along and joined in…Honest to goodness decided she was a dog.  When the weather turned really cold she auditioned for one of the vacant dog positions.  My wife put a sand box down in the basement, wondering what was going to happen next.

Didn’t take long to find out… Heard this scurrying around in the night as she ridded the house of mice.  Ever see a cat eat a mouse whole…? Talk about gross…Damndest thing you ever wanted to see.  Then one night she jumped up on the bed and sat on my chest.  She defied the other dogs to tell her she couldn’t be there and that’s where she sleeps now.

My mother once told me that when a cat sleeps on your chest it draws out the evil spirits and the disease that simmers inside.  My wife says I don’t argue as much and act so hateful since the cat took to sleeping on top of me.  The only hard part is that you can’t roll over.  Then again with the C-Pap machine yammering, rolling over isn’t as easy as it once was.

In the morning Felix runs up the tree in front of the house.  She gets up on a low limb and then forgets how to get down.  Cats are dumb like that.  They don’t understand what backwards is and their claws don’t work good in the reverse mode.  But mostly, since deciding to become a dog, Felix doesn't have any good role models.  So she just falls out of the tree...  Usually landing on her feet but sometimes walking with a noticible limp.