family ties (for Mark)

family ties (for Mark)

the ties
the ties that bind
bind us, to each other

my brother, when did we leave
that silly picture of a christmas day,
you and me, in matching fleece pajamas,
snowflakes and reindeers, holding up
huge, beautiful packages, half
asleep, hair still tousselled from christmas eve's pillow...
how many decades
have passed? each of us
married, with kids
all our own, unknown
moments blown by, in years of wind,
our separate lives thrown
down private hallways...

how did i let the time slip
away? how many idle days,
when i could've touched base,
when i thought of your face,
but didn't call, regrets run down my cheeks...

my mother, when did we lose him?
what secret pain tore him
from us? what silly anger kept
him from reaching out to us?
how can i wash the speechless
horror from your eyes? with
children of my own, i can
taste the acrid bile
of self-reproach on your breath,
i can hear a pin, dropping, forever...

how could i allow our sacred link
to fade? how many empty moments
would i trade, wishing now, i'd stayed
to hear your voice? failing one's blood
sits like an anvil on my chest...

oh, father, how heavy is this load
we must bear together? how could we be so
careless, how can we quell the airless, heaving
sobs in our throats? how could we let him
slip away?
i have no searing hot enough
to cauterize the guilt from your heart
i can only hold my own children
tighter to my throbbing chest
and say to them, each night,
how deep the well of love
goes, into my soul...

yes, the tiny woven ties
that bind; deep DNA threads
secured to the hearts and minds
of each of us

son, how long has it been
since your distant manhood
has come between us; i would
tear each star down to prove
to you, that my heart is forever in your hand...

daughter, please reach-out
with high school arms and let
me feel the solid rock of our
love, within us, not between us...

firstson, you follow behind me,
like a shadow, with a mind
of it's own; you are the seed
i have sown, now grown, to love me...

family ties
banding
the moments
of each life
into one
stranded necklace

memories are
passed down, the family
jewels of memory
and regret, like a noose,
a hand,
around our necks...