To a Zainy Mother

I know that you love me and care about my well being, but honestly, you are bat-shit insane. You claim to listen to what I have to say and find compromise between my views and your own, but in reality, you reject my views and substitute your own reality. You’ve never grown up. You may be my mother, but you’re nothing more than a paranoid little girl who wasn’t ready to raise my older siblings and wasn’t ready to raise me. You constantly complain about how I always argue with you. It drives me to tears thinking about how I always have to take the opposite side of an argument in your mind simply because you only see black and white while disregarding shades of gray. I know I should learn to accept you but I’m unable to at the moment. I find that I can often times make decisions in reflection that I can’t make in the moment, and I pray to god (despite being agnostic) that in time I will learn to forgive you for how fucked up you’ve left me. I love you, but I can’t respect you if you can’t respect me. I’m happy knowing that in two years I’ll be out of the house and leaving you behind. I can’t stop for you until you find yourself.