Bully

         As usual, Mr. Kim was miserable when we came into his little Chinese grocery store. He scowled as Benny and I walked through the candy aisle and past the magazine racks toward the little room at the back which housed about half a dozen pinball machines and one video game machine that was always rotating so that you could never play it long enough to master it. We could't help but stop at the magazine stand for a moment to peer at the covers of the pornographic magazines on the top shelf. If Mr. Kim hadn't been watching us so closely, we might have had a chance to get a closer look, but the magazines were sealed in plastic wrap anyway, so that a customer would have to buy it instead of just looking through it and getting horny right there inside the store.

         That afternoon, the little arcade in the back was more exciting than usual. There was a new pinball machine and two new video games. Benny and I were dazzled.

         The game I picked up on right away was a space adventure. Before then, the only video games I'd ever seen were quite simplistic involving something like a triangle moving through space shooting at objects or aliens and boing like hell not to be destroyed until you could at least earn a free life. The one before me, however was a multi-level thriller. Characters from the game actually talked, and the graphics, for that time anyway, were so lifelike that you might feel that you were actually traveling through the galaxy defending Earth from alien predators.

         Benny had already slipped a quarter into the other game -- something like an intricate maze game with enemies chasing you, and I fumbled through my pockets for a quarter of my own.

         Just then, I was shoved roughly away from the game and turned around to see three kids saddling up to my game. It was a guy named Eddie and his cronies. Eddie was a grade under me in school, but I had the feeling that he was actually a couple of years older than me. His posse certainly was, and all of them were famous for being mean. Eddie was the ringleader, and he was the one that shoved me, so I kept me mouth shut and my eyes down when he stared me down and his friends laughed.

         At the age of fourteen, I was just beginning to feel like a confident human being. I wanted so desperately to slough of my shyness and to show bullies that I couldn't be picked on. The voice that told me not to move a muscle also told me that today would not be the day I would stand up for my rights.

         So far, Benny hadn't noticed a thing. He was too wrapped up in his game to take notice. Even if he had noticed, he was already playing the game. A quarter is a quarter after all; a game is a game. You can't just interrupt it. Anyway, I'm sure he didn't notice until it was his turn.

         While Eddie plugged his quarter into the machine, and I slumped against one of the pinball machines, looking down and trying way too hard not to be noticed, one of Eddie's friends wrestled Benny's hand from the joystick and body slammed him into the wall.

         That's when I couldn't take it anymore. It's one thing when a guy picks on a guy and it's another thing when he picks on a guy's friend. Another voice that wasn't as afraid as the last one, and much angrier, stepped up like a man and pushed Eddie off of the game he had just started to play. I bet it wasn't more than two seconds after his quarter passed the slot and hit the bottom of the box. In the second that he turned, I suppose me resolve collapsed half a step, but I was still pretty upset, and I thought: who knows, maybe I do have it in me to stand up for myself. The next few seconds would decide.

         All I saw were stars. I mean, I heard people talk about it that way before, or ' my brick got knocked off, or he rattled my skull ( which he did). So, he knocked my brick off and I hit the floor in shock and surprise, but not anger. I was too afraid for anger.

         The next thing I know is that I'm on the floor with both arms blocking my face from a fury of kicks. Eddies yelling that he's got steel-toed boots on and he's going to crack my skull.

         OK. At that moment I was terrified for sure. It probably occurred to me even then, however, that there are actually two kinds of being terrified and at that time I only discovered one of them. I thought that I might be saved. I peeked through my fingers ready to see Benny coming to my defense or getting help or something. To my disappointment, he was just standing against the wall looking on passively as if it was all just a show to him. It was as if he couldn't grasp the reality of the situation. That was when I experienced the other kind of terror: I knew I was going to die.

         The beating lasted for a long time for a guy that's having his life flashed in front of his eyes. To be fair, Mr. Kim was probably there in a half minute or so because he must have heard the commotion.

         I must have had some hope left, or some relief, because I clearly remember the slow motion of my life replaced by the slow motion sound of Mr. Kim clearing out the room between the very rapid sound of kicks drumming at my head.

         At last the kicking stopped and Mr. Kim was helping me up. When I opened my eyes, which were remarkably still intact., I was surprised to see that Mr. Kim had Eddie tied up in some kind of arm knot while he helped me with the other hand.

         Eddie kept screaming out abuses at Mr. Kim calling him stuff like chink and slant- eye. That bothered me quite a bit as the guy had just saved my life and all, but I admit I didn't have it in me do do anything about it at that moment. I didn't have to.

         Mr. Kim, in one fluid motion, released Eddie's arms and gave him a backhand slap that sent him reeling.

         'I know your father,' he yelled pointing into Eddie's face.

         'Fuck you. Eddie screamed back, but the fight was out of him now.

         ' Don't worry,' said Mr. Kim when Eddie left the store. 'He won't be back. '

         Eddie never did come back to Mr. Kim's store. Benny still comes in quite often, although he's always looking for the arcade, but that has been gone for a long time. That back room became a video rental store for a while, but that changed too. Now it's covered over and the entrance is through the rear storage. Mr Kim and his friends go back in there but I'm not really allowed. Oh, I forgot to mention that I work for Mr. Kim now and I'm the toughest guy in the neighborhood.