How Google helped me reinforce my daughters confidence and self esteem. |
My beautiful daughter is a kind, sensitive, compassionate, 11 year old girl. We live in a rural area comprised predominantly of the very rich and the barely middle class. My family falls into the latter category. We have 3 other children and two nieces that we provide for as well, so it can be a struggle at times to "keep up" with her class mates when it comes to clothes and things like that, but we do our best. I had a few extra dollars that had nowhere expressly to go so I let her pick out a new pair of shorts. She was ecstatic with her choice and once she tried them on was beaming, a smile that took up half her beautiful face! As a mother there is really no better feeling than to see your child in this state. She awoke the next morning put on her new shorts, paired with one of the tank tops she had gotten from her cousin the summer before but had just grown into and marched off to school feeling confident and proud. Later that day she arrived home in a completely different state of mind than when she had left that morning. "Mom, can I speak to you privately?" she is clearly distraught and feeling completely dejected. "Sure sweetheart, what's going on?" I reply as we leave the family room to find a quiet more private room where we can talk. I think to myself how much I love the fact that I have succeeded in building this type of relationship with my beautiful girl. "You have to promise me that you won't just say it's ridiculous!!" she states emphatically. "O.K., I'll do my best" I promise sincerely. "I know I had to work on believing that I am pretty enough, and you helped me to see that I am. I know I am beautiful inside and out, I know my legs look bigger than the other girls because I have more muscles and my butt is bigger for the same reason, and I'm O.K. with it mom, I am. But when I got on the bus this morning thinking my new shorts were perfect, everyone looked at me funny, and when I sat next to my friend she told me I have fat legs and a big butt and I should NOT wear shorts EVER again." There are now tears filling her eyes as she looks to me for comfort. I take her into my arms and hold her to me as I stroke her hair and give her some time to just cry it out. Her pain is killing me as I hold her. For the first time I find myself at a loss for words to help my beautiful sensitive daughter to see past the judgment of her friends. She is an absolutely beautiful girl. She has butterscotch hair that hangs straight to the middle of her back, beautiful amber colored, almond shaped eyes, olive skin, and her body type is muscular with not an ounce of fat. The kind of looks most women would do anything to have. I know this as an adult but I have no idea how to keep reinforcing this knowledge in her as a young impressionable pre-teen girl. Knowing from experience that this dilemma will only worsen until she reaches adulthood I am challenged with the task of shielding her from the pain of adolescence while building her ability to tolerate the pains of growing up in this community. This is where Google images pops into my head and I begin to smile as I pull away from her, take her chin gently in my hand to shift her eyes to look into mine. I give her a minute to compose herself before facing the rest of the family, we walk together back to the family room and sit down at the computer. I type in the names of celebrities that I know she knows and admires. Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Minaj, etc. As we sit together looking at these beautiful women with the same body type as hers slowly but surely I see her begin to smile, just a little smile starting to grow as we flip through photo after photo until finally her smile is once again swallowing her whole face. The weather cooled off too much for shorts for the next few days but as soon as it was warm enough for her to wear her new shorts again she had them back on and walked out the door with her head held high, armed with the knowledge that she looks a lot like Jennifer Lopez in her new shorts, and as she learned thanks to Google, she is the world's most beautiful woman according to People magazine. |