Spider Spider

"Why would you put your screen name as Taran Chula? It's pretty creepy."
"Look at this gorgeous blue fuzzy princess, would you call her "creepy"?"
"Yes. Yes I would call that creepy. You have a spider more than six inches long in a place of honor in your living room. Most people have a TV sitting there not a giant aquarium."
"It's not an aquarium, there is no water in it. It's a terrarium. Why would I put a TV there? I don't watch TV, I don't like TV and I don't want to pay about $85 a month for the privilege of watching "Dancing With the so-called Stars" or the "Jersey Whore". It is place of honor for my prized possession."
"Why does she get such a place of honor and the other spiders are in the other rooms in smaller Terrariums?"
"Oh, where do I begin? First she is a beautiful shade of iridescent blue and she reminds me of my birthstone, sapphire. She is also the most venomous of all my beautiful pets. Plus she as fabulously crazy!! She will burrow deep down and disappear for days. She attacks the biggest crickets like she was training to be a gladiator. She ROCKS!!"
"You know she is a spider right?"
"Yes I know she is a spider. I love spiders."
"I guess I just don't get it."
" Spiders produce silk, like the silk we pay dearly for in a blouse. Did you know, some silk is so strong that it can be used for traveling? They attach one end of the webbing to a tree branch or something, the spider will hang onto the end and just surf the wind! It's called ‘balooning’ and it can carry the spider for miles. How cool is that?"
"It's cool, I guess. Where's the great gusts of wind in your living room?"
"OK my cynical friend. So, spiders can’t chew or swallow so how do they eat you wonder? They can only eat liquid lunches! Kind of like us on those stressful work days. They use their fangs like Edward Cullen to inject their prey with poison. They liquify their guts and just suck it up. The insect will often look normal…except that the body is empty! Seriously, you can't create characters this cool"
"Well there's Spiderman and The Black Widow..."
"EXACTLY!! They are based on SPIDERS! No one imagined those features, they stole them from the arachnid's reality. I will never get you to love spiders and you will never understand how incredible I think they are. Let's just give up. Do you want to go see Morgan Freeman in 'Along Came a Spider'?"