Bowls of Memories

“Suzy-Anne, get up and get breakfast, we’re running late,” said Brenda, Susanne’s mother. Parents, particularly single mothers, suffer the perennial burden of making ends meet on a variety of fronts. One such front for Brenda was the task of waking her night owl daughter at early bird hours to make it to church.

“I’m sick Mommy,” said Susanne as she faked a cough.

“You probably have a stomach ache too?” Church was Susanne’s least favorite thing and these sudden illnesses happened regularly. Fortunately for Brenda, she had an ace up her sleeve.

“Uh huh,” said Susanne meekly. She abandoned the cough and rubbed her stomach.

“Get up,” Brenda said, throwing off Susanne’s covers. “If we don’t go to church, Grandma and Grandpa will donate all of the candy the Easter Bunny left you.”

“Candy?” she asked excitedly.

“Yes, Suzy-Anne, it’s Easter. Now get ready, we’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

In truth, Brenda was not a religious person and wouldn’t go to church if it weren’t for her devout Baptist parents that lived next door. Actually it’d more accurate to say that Brenda lived next to them. They owned the duplex house and allowed Brenda and Susanne live there rent free; a fact that didn’t sit well with Brenda.

At eighteen, Brenda ran away from what she felt was a repressive household. Her parents had always tried to force her to study, do her homework, and then to go to college. Although Brenda was indeed smart enough to have fulfilled her parent’s ambitions, she was exceedingly stubborn and refused to do so simply because they told her to. By the end of her senior year of high school, her GPA fell so low that only a community college would’ve accepter her. For Brenda, even that was out of the question. She had her life all planned out. Her boyfriend of two years was twenty-one and got a job selling cars. He was going to make forty thousand a year plus commission and could take care of her. Brenda enacted her plan against all of her parent’s warnings, pleas, and idle threats.

Three years later, the guy ditched Brenda for the female colleague he had been cheating on her with, leaving her homeless, jobless, and broke. With no one else to go to, Brenda was forced to return to her parents. As any parent would, her mother welcomed her with open arms and a smile. It should be said that her father’s arms were open as well, but the smile was replaced with the pursed lips of repressed reprimands.

Two weeks later, Brenda’s father’s lips couldn’t stay closed any longer. He went on a rant about how Brenda should have gone to some sort of college because now she had no education and no job. She needed, “to get her act together,” because no one else would do it for her. By the end, Brenda was on the verge of tears of anger. Only her father could talk to her like that, but she wouldn’t suffer him getting the last word.

It took her ten minutes for the magma churning inside her to erupt. Normally it would have only taken five. She had a hidden secret she didn’t want to divulge that helped her repress the rage she felt. Though, like anything else, even that had its breaking point.

“Sorry I’m bad at everything I’ve ever done, Dad, and couldn’t be the Stepford child I know you wanted. And since I’m on a streak of disappointing you, I should let you know that I’m a month late, and the test is positive. Happy?”

She had won; everyone was momentarily speechless as they absorbed the weight of the news. Brenda’s mother was the first to say something.

“Brenda, here’s what we’re going to do. You’re in no position to support yourself. We’re moving to a place where you can be next door so we can help. Ehp, Charles, I don’t want to hear any objections.” Charles, Brenda’s father, had tried to interrupt but was quickly cut off by his wife, Susan. It wasn’t Susan’s nature to put her foot down, but when she did, the decision was not debatable. Even Brenda was shocked by her mother’s forcefulness and kept quiet.

Seven years later, the situation hadn’t changed and Brenda was trapped next door to her parents. They had proved to be invaluable help. They were retired and could babysit any time which permitted Brenda to get the licensing required to work in a hair salon. The wages weren’t great, but they allowed her to assume some of her own financial responsibilities and regain a portion of the independence she desperately desired. However, Brenda’s parents were still providing shelter and babysitting services for free. Hence, Brenda was obligated to appease their requests, like attending church with them on Easter Sunday.

“Mom, we don’t got any food,” said Susanne. This wasn’t another attempt at stalling.

Shit. “There isn’t anything?”

“Just milk.”

“Have some of that then. I’m sorry Suzy-Anne, I forgot to go to the store. The milk should tide you over till we go to Grandma and Grandpa’s for Easter supper.” Brenda tried to sound happy but couldn’t; she felt like a failure. The truth was that Brenda couldn’t afford to go to the store and was upset that her child had to go hungry, even if only for a few hours.

Supper didn’t come soon enough for Susanne and her equally hungry mother. The honey roasted spiral cut ham adorned with various home cooked veggie side dishes were fit to serve the assuredly famished, newly risen Jesus. After a blessing everyone ate voraciously. That is to say, almost everyone. Brenda only ate a normal amount before she claimed to be full. Behind her closed lip smile, her mouth watered as she watched her daughter devour a third portion of green bean casserole.

The dinner was pleasant as a whole; a feat which would have never happened without Susanne’s unintentional ability to diffuse tension.

“Did the Easter Bunny come today yet Suzy-Anne?” asked Susan.

“No not yet, Mommy said he putted everything over here.”

“Did he now?” Charles asked the question to his granddaughter but stared directly at Brenda, who couldn’t meet his eyes. She felt guilty yet again since she had to break character and ask for their help.

“Yes Grampy! Mommy told me last night when we were coloring Easter eggs that the Easter Bunny liked it bestest when families celebrated together. So he putted the candy in here so we had to come over!” Her excitement made him smile.

“I haven’t seen anything, but I haven’t been into the living room yet,” he hinted and Susanne ran off.

“Grampy come look! The Easter Bunny came!”

“Be right there,” he said.

“Brenda, lets get those eggs and hide them for Suzy-Anne.”

“Yea, okay Mom.” Brenda sounded dejected.

“Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re a great mother.”

The conversation shifted to idle chit chat as the two walked over to Brenda’s side. When they crossed the threshold, Susan kept conversation flowing, but her eyes scanned the house. Everything seemed, for the most part, acceptable. Her suspicions arose whenever Brenda opened the refrigerator to get the eggs. It almost seemed as if she was hiding something. Susan had been a mother for twenty-eight years and trusted her intuition. Not letting the conversation die, she caught peak into the refrigerator and her internal sirens went off. All she saw was a near empty gallon of milk and assorted condiments. There was no food whatsoever. On the way out she glanced in the pantry and saw barren shelves.

After the eggs were hidden and found, Brenda and Susanne went home and Susan cornered her husband for a talk.

“I want a membership at Sam’s Club. I’ve been talking to a girlfriend in church who swears by the value. Everything is in bulk so it’s cheaper.”

“But, Honey, we can hardly finish the bread before it stales…”

“Don’t be silly Charles,” she cut him off, “we’re going to save a ton of money.”

The next day, they went to Sam’s club and loaded their shopping cart with more food than Charles had seen in all his years of marriage. Even the cashier commented, “You two have enough to feed an army.” Susan merely chuckled but Charles scowled. By the end of the week, half of the food was in danger of spoiling. When he commented on the matter, Susan brushed him away with, “Give it to Brenda, she may can use it.”

Everyone except Susanne was aware of what was going on after a month of regular excess food donations, but no one commented on it. Brenda hated to admit to taking more charity, and Charles feared provoking his wife’s wrath.

*****

“What’s for breakfast Mom?” asked Susanne from the kitchen three years later.

“You know what’s for breakfast,” said Brenda from her bedroom.

“Cereal again?”

“Don’t complain, it’s all we have.”

“Why can’t Grandma ever buy anything else besides Corn Flakes?” Susanne quietly wondered aloud. She hadn’t intended anyone to hear, but Brenda walked into the room just in time

“Look, if you don’t want it, you can go hungry. It’s up to you.”

Begrudgingly she poured milk over the cereal.

“Just to remind you, it’s my first day of beauty school, then I work till seven. I’ll be home around eight so Grandpa’ll pick you up. Okay?”

“Oh so that’s why you’re dressed up. I like that jacket Mom.”

“Thanks Suzy-Anne. Okay, I’ve got to go. Go finish your cereal at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s while you wait for the bus.”

“Alrighty. Bye Mom.”

After Brenda left, Susanne took a seat at her grandparent’s dinner table next to Susan, who was also eating Corn Flakes. No words were exchanged; Susan read the morning paper intently.

For five minutes the only sounds heard were the rustling of newspaper and the crunching of cereal before Susanne broke the monotony.

“Grandma, we’ve been eating Corn Flakes for the past three years.”

“I’ve been eating them every morning for the past sixty years, Suzy-Anne,” she said, not straying from her paper.

“They’re kind of, well, bland. You ever tried CoCo Puffs or Fruit Loops?”

“Well if you stopped eating yours with so much sugar, you might find they are very flavorful,” she laughed.

“Have you tried any other cereals?”

“Yes dear,” she finally looked up. “And I still like Corn Flakes the best. It’s what my father ate.”

“Maybe it’s time for a change,” Susanne said hopefully.

Susan laughed. “Every time I have a bowl, I somehow feel like I’m back in Wisconsin, before the sun has risen, sitting on a rickety wood chair next to my father before he went to plow the fields. Sometimes I think that I can even hear him crunching.”

“Uh huh,” said Susanne.

“Alright kiddo,” said Grandpa as he came around the corner, “the bus’s here.”

*****

Susan held true to her word and her cereal didn’t change for three more years. Every weekday morning, Susanne and Susan sat at the dining table and ate their cereal in otherwise silence before school. On the few times that silence was broken, the conversations were started by Susanne. Anytime Susanne had troubles at school with silly thirteen year old boys, or with jealous girls spreading hateful rumors, it would be brought up and discussed over Corn Flakes before school. At the very least, Susanne drank the remaining milk in her bowl less distraught than she was on the first spoonful.

As the bond between granddaughter and grandmother strengthened, the bond between Susanne and her mother plateaued. Brenda’s overwhelming work schedule kept the two apart. Once Brenda graduated from beauty school, she joined a distant yet prestigious hair salon to continue training. She quickly decided that the high end hair market wasn’t for her. The customers that could afford the four hundred dollar haircuts were so picky that she was thoroughly disheveled when she got home and hadn’t much energy for her daughter.

Then she remembered high school and her constant search for an affordable and quality haircut. In her immediate area cheap haircuts were easy to come by, but the majority of women still traveled great distances for quality. She knew she could provide quality at an affordable price.

Using the small amount of money she was able to save while working in the high end market, Brenda made the down payment on a loan for her own hair salon. During the first two months, the salon barely broke even. As the positive word of mouth reviews accumulated, so did her monthly profits. Six months in, her business was thriving and she was ready to become fully independent of her parents.

“Hey Suzy-Anne, how would you feel about moving to a new home? You’ll still go to the same school, but we’ll be in a house to ourselves, with a backyard and everything,” Brenda said one morning before work.

“What about Grammy and Grampy?”

“They’ll be fine, and you can see them whenever you like. We aren’t moving to the other side of the world or anything.”

“No, I don’t want to leave them!”

“But you can see them on weekends.”

“What about before school?”

“Probably not since it would be out of the way and…”

“No! I don’t want to move. I want to stay here.”

“You’re just like Grandma.”

Susanne smiled because she won and she took her mother’s last statement as a compliment.

“I’ll see you tonight Suzy-Anne, I’ve got a business to run.”

After Brenda left, Susanne walked over to her grandparent’s house. As was custom, she poured herself a bowl of Corn Flakes, no sugar (she had long since weaned herself off of it and discovered a true flavor profile), and sat down at the table. The routine had become so ingrained that it took her several mouthfuls to realize that her crunches were the only ones she heard. “Where is Grammy?” she thought.

“Grammy?” she called out. “Grandma?” she said a little louder. No response. Maybe she is still sleeping? She abandoned the Corn Flakes and began down the hall. “Grandpa?” her voice was becoming more frantic. As she reached their bedroom door, the air felt still, stiff, and empty. The door was already cracked yet she was too scared to give it even a nudge. Something was wrong.

“Hello?”

*****

Susan’s death shocked everyone. Just the day prior she was as active and aware as ever, but during the night she suffered a stroke. When Charles woke the next morning he thought it odd that his wife was still asleep. Half an hour later he tried to wake her, only to find her cold and without a pulse. He wept for nearly two hours before Susanne found him. Although she was in shock, she called her mother who called the paramedics; it was too late.

The funeral took place on a Saturday and was attended only by the immediate family. On Sunday, after church, everyone ate together in silence. No one knew what to say. Everyone was suffering. Charles felt totally alone now that his wife was gone; Brenda regretted all of the negative emotions she had associated with her mother trapping her; Susanne missed the confidant and advisor that she spent so many mornings with. Not wanting to leave the mourning Charles alone, Brenda and Susanne spent the night at his house.

As sad as Susan’s death was, life had to carry on. Brenda had a business to run and clients to appease while Susanne had school.

“Goodbye Dad, try to get out today. It’ll be good for you.”

“Okay Brenda. Have a good day at work.”

After Brenda said goodbye to Susanne and left, Susanne went into the kitchen for breakfast. She pulled out a bowl from the cupboard, then the cereal, milk, and a spoon. As she started to pour the cereal, she stopped and reached back into the cupboard for another bowl and a second spoon from the drawer. After filling each with Corn Flakes, she topped them up with milk and sat one bowl in front of her Grandpa before sat next to him with hers

“Thanks Suzy-Anne, but I’m not very hungry.”

“You hardly ate last night Grampy.”

“I know, but I’m not hungry,” he said as he scooped at a flake with his spoon.

“I miss her too,” Susanne said. She put a spoonful into her mouth and chewed. Suddenly, she smiled. “Grampy?”

“Hmm?”

“You know Grammy ate Corn Flakes every morning?”

“Every morning for the past sixty years. Never could figure out why she loved them so much.”

“I know.”

He looked at her puzzled.

“She told me that she ate them because when she did, she felt like she was eating them with her dad. She said she never felt like he was gone because when she chewed, she could hear him chewing right next to her. She knew he was watching over her. I never knew what she was talking about until just now, when I took a bite. I heard her next to me, next to you, crunching and reading her paper. I can’t be too sad because she’s watching over me now.” Susanne smiled as she took another bite. When she looked up, she saw Charles silently crying. Without a word he took a bite and smiled too.

“You know Suzy-Anne, I reckon you’re right.”

No one in the history of Corn Flakes had ever cried over a bowl the way Charles did. Together, he and Susanne ate in silence as a tribute to the wife and grandma each loved so much.

“Hey kiddo, look at the time, you’ve missed the bus. Grandma wouldn’t like you to miss school on account of her. So common,” he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand, “I’ll give you a ride.”

“Thanks Grampy.”

Every morning until Susanne went to college, the two ate Corn Flakes together with Susan watching over.