Loafing - A Primer

Don’t let this grey hair and beard fool you. I don’t know as much as I’d like you to think I know. Older folk are like vehicles. I started adulthood as a Maserati, full of vim and vroom. I ended up a golf cart.

Senior citizens, aka older folk, have it good these days – no more criticism – free fart opportunities. I fart and I get knowing nods and smiles from others as they move away and leave me alone. I deserve the solitude. There are books == “Getting Old for Dummies; The Elder Bible. A quote from The Elder Bible: ^“

As a senior citizen it is my turn to rest – to loaf.

Do any of you know how to loaf? When I loaf, my cats sit around me taking notes on their paw-pilots – I have been honored with a number of 21-meow salutes and when I go out into the neighborhood, cats point at me and meow in awe. Loafing is a solvent – able to dissolve employment and relationships. Loafing makes me into a god – every day is my Seventh Day. It takes aged experience to loaf well – hit 60 and you are the expert. Yes, I do loafing seminars. Wear slippers.

My generation worked hard; we brought our kids into this world . . . . . . Well, you may have. I am happily childless. Having children is work, at least keeping them is.

Speaking of kids, I’m allergic. Don’t want ‘em. How do I know? I was a kid once and I don’t want to put up with the likes of that kid. Kids are solvents – they dissolve relationships – they dissolve bank accounts – they dissolve freedom of movement – and they are always whining – gimme! Gimmee! Gimmee! Gimmee! Gimmee! Gimmee! Gimmee! Geeze! I don’t need that. How do you all kid herders out there put up with that? It certainly explains many psychiatric malfunctions, doesn’t it?

Granted, I have missed some of the important things in life: useless purchases of diapers, milk, clothes, earplugs; daily disrespect; back-talk; whining, “are we there yet”; and delivering unto this world the anti-Christ.

Loafing is so much easier, and more pleasant than having children.



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^*Loafing is good, no matter how you slice it.