Another excursion into the realms of Limericks. I hope they will raise a smile or two. |
MARITAL DISHARMONY “That’s more than enough,” screamed his wife. “You’ve had the best part of my life. Now go take a jump, you useless great lump or I’ll cut off your balls with a knife.” TEMPUS FUGIT I know time is slipping away And my motto should be “Seize the day” But I’ve so much to do Writing limericks, too That there isn’t much time left to play. ANATOMY LESSON Part 1 I’ve two eyes and two ears and a nose. Ten fingers and likewise, ten toes. A mouth and a chin But my hair’s getting thin Nose hairs? I’ve got plenty of those! ANATOMY LESSON Part 2 And now that my hair’s going grey Well, closer to white I should say It will start to fall out Of that I’ve no doubt But I won’t wear a toupee, no way. PROPOSAL Part 1 I walked down the street in a daze I’m so worried I can’t count the ways I’d been down on my knees And my girlfriend said “Please let’s get married in just a few days.” PROPOSAL Part 2 “It’s too soon,” cried my mum in a state “I’d hoped you’d be able to wait.” “I’d love to,” I sighed “but my beautiful bride has told me she’s thirty days late.” HOW TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE They tell me that lying’s a sin likewise, drowning your mother in gin. Ten commandments will tell how to stay out of hell but knock loud enough, and you’re in! JUST ONE KISS Come give me a kiss, my sweet maid and don’t be alarmed or afraid. “Oh no sir, I can’t I promised my aunt. Besides, I’m too young to get laid.” |