Just Passing The Time

Just Passing The Time

You feel like depression has settled inside forever
and happiness seems like it will be a never.
You try to do things that will make you feel better,
but your eyes secretly become wetter.
Your frustration about life continues to build.
Your life seems to be unfulfilled.
Your friends and family are moving on happily without you
and deep inside there isn't anything you want to do.
Your coworkers laugh and talk about how their lives are fine,
but you sit at your job knowing it's just passing the time.
You're becoming more and more distant with everyone in your life.
Your family and friends don't realize that communication is becoming your strife.
You exercise at the gym to make yourself feel fitter,
but now it's just passing the time, because you're not getting thinner.
You watch t.v.  and pretend you're enjoying the show,
but you know you'll only eat and it will make time go fast instead of slow.
You want to write books and make your time worthwhile,
but your mind becomes a blank and it's one of the reasons why you can't smile.
Just when you start to think life is good and fair,
something bad will happen to make you want to scream and rip out your hair.
Your moods are changing throughout one single day
and you know deep down you'll never be okay.
You imagine fights, how to kill yourself, and things that bring only pain.
Because when all you are is alone, you start to accept you're going insane.
Every day you injure yourself creating a new bruise or scar
and it's because you hate who you are.
You're afraid people will see once you start to give a little information away
and when you know you haven't told enough, you become quiet and frustrated the rest of the day.
You believe your life will be loveless until you die,
because you don't look at anybody in the eye.
If you don't have anybody in your life, you can do whatever you want.
But once you see a group of people enjoying each other's company, jealousy and loneliness begin to haunt.
You want to talk to somebody, but to nobody you know in your life.
So you talk to only air, knowing it won't help and you keep getting closer to that knife.
You read books to help you find what you're looking for,
but it seems it's just passing the time and you're becoming emptier down to the core.
You can't even imagine being a villain and living to create more hate.
So you keep on living becoming more lost at what's your fate.
Everyone tells you you're beautiful and shouldn't hide your face,
but in every mirror you only see deformity and a waste.
Everyone tells you you're smart and should get a better education,
but you don't know what you would go for and spending all that time for nothing will be to you a vexation.
You feel like you're going nowhere and become so frustrated.
You feel like you're all alone and are becoming more suffocated.
Nobody can possibly understand on how you feel or why you continue to live.
And you can't understand yourself and have no answers to give.
So you decide to tell no one and only confess on paper with a rhyme,
because all you're deciding to do is just passing the time.