Tea time

Why is it so hard to stay? I should be here. I need to be here. I know that this is the only sane choice but I am insane. I am insane. It must be true. Sane people don’t hurt themselves on purpose, but I am sane. I’m just…lost. My foot is off the rock and the current is pulling me away. I have to get a foothold. I just need a little grip on something solid. I know these people can help me…but I am insane.

It hurts. They put acid in the needle and it hurts. It makes me well. It makes me happy to think I will be well soon. They tell me it will make me better. Why does it hurt so much? I will be sane soon. They say so. I am sane though. They are tricking me. The acid is acid. It is killing me. I want to kill me. Not me. Why does he do that?

I need to pay the price. I need to pay. They won’t let me. They want me to get better. They say I am insane. I am sane. I am insane because I hurt myself. I am getting better. When I am better they will let me go. When they let me go I will kill myself.

Round and round.

Hand in hell and hell in hand.

I dream and nightmares are my escape.

Bring me dreams of monsters and pain.
Bring me dreams of famine and shame.
Bring me palaces bathed in blood.
Bring me relief from life above.


Help me. They do. It feels like they do when the acid finds its home. It eats me. But I am calm when it feeds. I remember what it is to be out. Out there. Free. I remember times when my head was above water. When I was thinking about my future. About my life. When did I sink? When did I lose my footing? Why is it coming back? He will hurt me.

Leather straps. Chapped lips. Pain. Acid feels good. It won’t bring me above the surface though, I am still under. No air here. It hurts but it will be over soon. Soon. Nightmares have gone. They took with them my escape. I’m all alone. He is gone. I don’t want to hurt myself but I must escape. Escape. Is there a way out? Escape.

No more acid in the needle. It feels like warm tea. It’s healing. Feeling. I am sane. I feel sane. I feel me. I feel right. It fades but they are always on time. Bring me to the place where these gentle people with the calm faces and magic needles live.


Bring the tea that makes me, me.
Bring the tea so I can see.
Bring the tea and set me free.
Bring the tea and I will be.


It’s hard to think that I wanted to leave this place. I can’t imagine where I would be without it. They gave me a foothold. They brought me home.

Nightmares are scary. It’s a gorgeous and simple truth.

They keep me in tea. I keep my head above water. He has not been back.

He hates tea.