I’m A Carnivore

-I’m A Carnivore-
by
Keaton Foster (18+)



In a bucket or in a can
Alive and or mostly dead
Food and if need be trash
I would eat just about anything
Survival is where it’s at
This world is about kill or be killed
And if you think that cows
Would not bludgeon us to death
If they hand the chance
You are completely wrong
They have no thumbs to hold a club
But if they did it would be dead
You know that I’m right when I also say
That chickens would peck our eyes out
Rip off our limbs and dip them in ranch
Don’t even get me going on what pigs would do
If such animals had the means and the tools
We would all most certainly be doomed
All creatures are bound by survival
It just happens to be we are the ones
With guns, knives, and clubs
Survival by any means is our motto
Love, hug, embrace, all horseshit
Beat, shoot, slice, kill and eat
Deliciously absurd and then some
I’m so hell-bent on survival
That as disgusting as would be
If I had to I would eat
The corn out of a pile of shit
You can take it for what it is
Then again
Ok, maybe I wouldn’t do that
That is kinda fucking gross
I love to eat once fury little creatures
Sliced, diced and or Julienned
They are always quite delicious
Slithering, slimy insects
With seven extra appendages
Always taste great on a stick
But my favorite
Are the true beasts of burden
Shot in the head
Cut into quartered sections
Of absolute deliciousness
Made into hearty steaks
Pulverized into chuck
Grounded into paste
It’s all the same
As long as it’s cooked
Over an open flame
Burned to a crisp
Well done and then some
None of that escargot shit
I often joke with my wife
A staunch vegan at heart
That if it was not against the law
And so highly unsanitary
I would chase down
A pig in a farmer’s field
And eat him alive
Now I know that
If I did such a terrible thing PETA
Would probably have me killed
Ironically probably taken
Out into that same field
And shot in the head
I know that those of you
Who love bunnies
And I don’t mean in stew
Will probably hate me to
But what can I do
I’m a carnivore
A meat eating mutha-fucker
With a hankering for blood
It’s part of my DNA
Part of the way that I was made
In this world of hunt or be hunted
I am a shining example of an apex predator
Don’t feel so bad for the animals
Everyone once and awhile they
Score one for their own team
That is why I don’t go into the woods
The ocean and any lakes down south
Heck I won’t even go to a farm
Because you never know when some
Barn yard critter with a score to settle
Is gonna try to take you out
I prefer to get my meat from the grocery store
I dare not ask how it got there
The only question that concerns me
Is whether or not it would be good
With Heinz 57 or A-1 steak sauce
I’m a carnivore
A meat eating SOB always looking
For something to sink my teeth into
Hate me if you must as I fill my gut
With God’s delicious creatures…


I’m A Carnivore
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2012.