Patty Comes of Age

Patty Comes of Age


“You don’t know what it’s like, you don’t.”

“Honey, that’s not true. I may be your mother, but I was once young myself. Think of leaving as a rite of passage.”

“Rite of passage? That’s what you call it? No one expects you to go fend for yourself. You’ve got Dad. Who will I have if I go? Nobody.”

Patty’s voice trailed off into a whine. She looked away hoping she sounded less self-pitying than she felt.

She is so young. Maybe I’m pushing too hard. But before her mother could backtrack, Patty started again. She had already blinked the dampness away from her eyes, and now they glowed with a youthful fire.

“You know what mom, just forget it. I don’t want to talk about this, but I’m just gonna say one final thing. I’ll move out when I’m ready, and I’ll do it my way. I’m not going to do something just because you did.”

With that she started out the entry way and after a few paces turned and retraced her steps. Her mother knew her headstrong daughter was not yet done. With as accusatory a look as she could muster, Patty went for the jugular.

“I thought you wanted me to think for myself. Would you want me to jump off a cliff if my friends do? I’m not an idiot, mom. I can think for myself and make my own decisions. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

Her mother was doing her best not to react, but Patty was pushing her buttons. She knew this wasn’t really her daughter speaking. It was the frightened little bird inside, fearful of breaking the warm shell that housed and protected it. She wanted to give Patty time, but it just didn’t feel right. She would respect the natural progressions of life, even if she had to fight her own daughter to do so. Besides, what would happen to that tiny bird if it didn’t peck its way out of the shell? It would never breathe fresh air. It would never be free. It would never fly! No, her mind was made up. Patty would have to grow up. That’s all. End of discussion.

Still, she wanted her daughter to feel comfortable with the change. It wasn’t like she was kicking her out; she just wanted her to have a life of her own. Later, when the time was right she wanted her to find love, a partner and her own family. Did we coddle her too much, she wondered. Is that the problem?

Leaving home had not been easy for her either. She had been afraid, but not phobic like Patty. At first she had felt like a small boat floating aimlessly on a big ocean, but that passed quickly. Then came the excitement -- new places, new friends, the delicious scent of freedom!
Oh, sweet bird of youth! You are to be cherished, not feared, for you leave us all too soon. Looking back now with the wisdom of hindsight, she would leap off a cliff into that unknown future no questions asked. If only she again were that young and that carefree. But that too, is not the natural order of life's passages.

Time flies too, for how quickly the generations come – and go, she thought, settling into a melancholy. For her daughter or herself, she wasn’t really sure. What is wrong with this youngster, she wondered again. What will become of her? She decided it was time for a talk with Patty’s father. He agreed. They knew what they had to do, even if Patty didn’t.

Leaving her mother to her musings, Patty had stormed off into the brisk air. For a moment she wanted to stay, wanted to apologize. She already missed the warmth of her mother’s touch, the times they sat outside, her mother holding her as they watched the wind in the grass, and the clouds above. She once asked: “Where does the wind come from?” and her mother laughed and hugged her. Life felt good then. Why does it have to change so fast?

Patty knew she needed time alone. She longed to bring sense back to the world and figure out why her parents were being so stubborn about this. They knew she wasn’t ready to pick up and go. It felt like she was being shoved out of a nest before she could fly. Fly? What was that about flying and staying young?

Her father told her once about a boy who didn’t want to grow up. He learned to fly and lived in a faraway place where he never had to grow up. Neverland. That was it, and that’s what she would do. She would stay young just like the boy. If this was growing up, she’d have no part of it. She’d learn to fly and go so far away they’d never see her again. But how? This was going to take some thought.

Feeling the chill of early fall in the air, she wrapped herself up as small as she could, tucked in her head and fell into an anxiety-ridden sleep. She woke often and at times felt her resolve slip. Maybe she should just do as her parents asked. But mostly she remembered how much she wanted to live life on her own terms. Then she resolved again to do this in her own way.

When she finally awoke, she was moody, disgruntled, and exhausted. Her parents had gone out, and she was getting hungry. Missing the warmth her parents offered, she began to feel cold. She didn’t want to stay in, but she didn’t want to go out on her own either. Where were they? Undecided, she waited. She thought of that faraway place where she could stay forever young and decided it would also have to be warm and have lots of food. Finally her empty belly got her moving. She ventured out to look for her parents and realized she must have slept and waited a long while. A new morning was upon her. She wandered next door.

“Have you seen my mom?”

Paulette shook her head.

“What about my dad? Have you seen him?”

Paulette never was very friendly, but Patty thought she caught a dirty look from her. What did I do? Patty wondered. Then she had a terrible thought. Maybe they told Paulette she was a horrible daughter. What if they were so mad at me that when I wouldn’t go, they did?

Common sense kicked in and Patty made a mental note of staying away from the neighbor’s unfriendly eyes. Her parents loved her, and she loved them. She went back home. It was empty. Where were they? What if something happened? Without them she might as well just curl up and die.

Ignoring the hunger gnawing in her belly, Patty set off again to find her parents. But each time she set off, she decided she should check back at home. Each time she came home, she found it empty. She finally decided to keep watch at the doorway. By the time night fell, she was exhausted. Patty realized she was alone in a way she had never imagined. And hunger was gnawing at her insides. She waited and pined, growing more desperate. She became too frightened to leave, and too hungry to stay. Patty sank into a state of pure misery. Several days passed until life, death, love, hunger all balanced each other out and totaled a big zero. None of it mattered anymore. Nothing did.

Late one morning, she could tell from the sun it was morning, Patty decided nothing could be worse than this slow, miserable death. She would end it with dignity, and she would do it now.

Her mother had said she was willful. This, Patty mused, this isn’t will. I have no will left. It was true; pure desperation was the driver now. Pure desperation and pure instinct. She walked to the highest point on the cliff near her home. She knew if she turned around she’d run back and burrow inside her lonely once-was home.

I’m not afraid, she told herself as she stepped closer to the edge. I’m not afraid. I’m ready. She looked to the side and saw two of her friends. They stood silently. No one moved. No one was going to stop her? Well then, so be it.

I’m ready, thought Patty again. This time she believed it. She looked down. Far below, powerful ocean waves crashed into rocks as they had done before she was born and would long after she jumped into them. Absolutely firm in her decision, she threw herself off the cliff. Time, motion, the sound of the wind all stopped, and into that brief eternal silence she heard herself cry loudly

“I am ready. I AM.”

Gaining speed as she fell, the smells of ocean, rock, fish and cold air hit her with a snap and invigorated her spirit. It was as her mother had said! This moment could last for eternity, for it was beautiful. Perfect. She was part of the heady ocean air and felt the winds reach out for her, seductive, coaxing her to open her small wings. With pure joy, she returned the embrace, and in one swift movement Patty spread her wings out as far as any young puffin ever had.

She dipped, fluttered and swirled with the gusty winds, landing all too soon on the welcoming, rolling sea.