The choice

I’m jolted back into time, a time where it seemed like the world wasn’t worth living in, a time where hearts broke and opiates soothed the pain. Shouts of agony echo into eternity, lost dreams, hopes and goals remind me that I’m a failure.
She said it and she meant it; you’re a loser and an asshole. The look of rage and hopelessness flowing out her eyes. Her energy is dark, Charles Manson dark.
Where to from here, obliterate my soul with more heroin? Go to a meeting and try for the 100th time to get clean? Do I really want to clean up? Probably not.
Decisions don’t last; the darkness always creeps back in and changes things. It lies and tells me it will be okay, it makes everything seem light and comfortable. It lies and tells me one more time and we will be okay together, things will be different I promise.
Today I sit here, the steam from my espresso smells like the Colombian mountains, it dissipates into the atmosphere. 3 and half years without the gear and things are better I guess, not easy but better. I guess no one told me it would be easier. The darkness still lurks awaiting its prey, around every corner I see him, trying desperately to lure me back to the destruction. Today I make the choice to not believe the lies, today I choose life!