Trust Me 3

I am limp now and I can not move. My body is zapped. He's laying beside me holding my hand lightly.
"Is that what you meant by making love Bailey?", he asked softly. I smile slightly, yep, that pretty much summed it up. But he didn't love me.....how did he make me feel so loved? When he didn't even love me? Is that what Brandon did too? Could guys just pretend like that? Could I be that stupid?
"How did you do that? You don't love me. How?", my voice is barely audible, the song still playing too loudly for him to really hear me.
He looks at me then, his eyes searching my face before he breaks out in his knowing grin. He stands up and turns off the song. He pulls me to my feet and leads me to the bedroom. He hugs me against him, kissing my hair before he pulls me to lay with him on the bed.
"So?", he says spooning against me. His mouth kissing my neck.
I sigh. That was a three if there's ever been one, surely. Could I replace Brandon like that? I turned to face him and we are face to face. I touch his temple softly with my fingers, running them down to his cheek, looking closely at this beautiful guy in my bed. I was starting to love him, I knew it then. Or was it the loneliness I'd experienced for so long? Was it the want to be held again? The want to just feel loved again? I had no friends, couldn't get the nerve to talk to my parents. I was alone and in breezes this beautiful, hot, make your heart stop, guy. I didn't want him to leave. Ever. It had been two days, the end. But the thought of him leaving me and not coming back made me start to panic.
"You made me feel.....loved, Brett.", I whispered looking in his eyes. He grabbed my hand then and kissed my fingers.
"Good. That's what you wanted right?"
"But you said...."
"What? What did I say?"
"You said your heart was buried."
He looked at me confusion on his face. "Well, yeah. So?"
"So you can just pretend like that?"
"Bailey, seriously now, come on. We've known each other two days. Surely you know I can't be in love you in two days. But I love being with you and I love your body. I was just showing your body some love, that's what you said you wanted."
"Oh.", I said closing my eyes, shutting him out. I was so confused then. Brandon and Brett both on my heart and mind. So confusing. I just wanted to sleep and not think.
"Sleep now." he pulled me closer to him and I nestled my head in his shoulder, my arm around his chest and sleep found me quite easily.

I was with Brandon. We were in our room and he was tying my hands to the bed. He looked at me and said,"You trust me baby?"
"With my life.", I whispered watching as he closed his eyes relishing my spoken words. When he looked at me I could see his heart shining through. He craved me to trust him so much that sometimes it frightened me. He kissed me then. Making sure my restraints were secure. He leaned down and kissed me like it was our last kiss, my heart was pumping, I wanted to touch him but I couldn't and I tugged against my restraints to no avail.
"Don't do that.", he whispered his voice becoming cold and chills ran the length of my body. For the first time I was scared of him. Petrified. His huge blue eyes stared back at me and they were filled with....what was that....hate? No, not Brandon.
"Brandon?", I whimpered, suddenly breathing heavy in fear.
He grinned wickedly at me and said,"Brandon is no longer here. He can't protect anymore." His laugh rang through the night......

I sat up trying to catch my breath. I had broken out in a cold sweat, my hair damp on my head. I hated that dream. I looked rapidly around the room half expecting Brandon to be there glaring at me again. I couldn't calm my heart or my breathing. I looked beside me and Brett was sleeping peacefully. Wow, either I didn't scream or he sleeps like a rock. I climbed out of the bed wanting a glass of water, hoping that would ease my nerves. I walked silently into the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I grabbed a dish cloth from the drawer and wet it, putting it against my forehead. I sank into the kitchen chair, vaguely noticing I was still naked. I put my head in my hands.
I shook the dream away. I had to forget it. That wasn't Brandon and it didn't describe our relationship at all. We had been happy, we had loved each other, he had been tender with me, so very tender, that was the Brandon I would remember and love. The Brandon I just couldn't seem to let go of.I started having the dream several weeks after he'd left and not returned. I didn't understand what it meant but I kept having it over and over.
A noise behind me brought me back to the present I turned to see Brett standing behind me in just his boxers. Even with "bed head" he had to be the most beautiful guy I'd ever seen. His eyes were startling at times they were so blue against his tan face and black hair. They seemed to light the room up right now.
"Hey.", he said in a sleepy voice. "What are you doing?"
I shrugged my shoulders turning away from him,"Bad dream.", I mumbled.
He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. He leaned against the sink studying me as he downed it. A drop of water caught my attention as it ran down his tan, chiseled chest only to disappear in his happy trail. I sighed and looked down at the table, suddenly embarrassed as I realized once again that I was completely naked.
"You want to talk about it?", he asked softly.
"Not really.", I mumbled.
He put the empty glass in the sink and then turned to face me. I watched him walk towards me his eyes never leaving mine. He pulled me to my feet, hugging me against him, his hands rubbing my back.
"Girl, you are going to kill me.", he whispered as his hands moved to my behind. He lifted me so that our bodies lined up perfectly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I just held on to him tightly as he carried me back to the bedroom. The feel of his bare skin on mine was intoxicating. I could feel his erection against me and my body responded. We fell on the bed together and he pressed against me, as he kissed my neck. I suddenly hated his underwear, as I pressed against him, using my feet to push on his behind pushing him closer against me.
"Brett I want you.", I whispered as my hands found their way to the waistband of his underwear. I heard his intake of breath as I started pulling his underwear down, my hands on his behind pressing him against me, as I pressed into him. He lifted up slightly to aid in the removal of his underwear. I grabbed him then, aligning him and then he was in. I forgot everything but him as he filled me completely. I lost myself to the sensation, to the feel of him. To feel his skin on my skin, his mouth on mine, his hands touching me, his body in mine. He literally pushed all thoughts of anything else away, I stared into his eyes, saw the desire, saw the passion that he felt for me in this moment. It was what I needed, it was all I needed, for now.

The next morning the sun filled the room rousing me from my deep sleep. I woke with a smile on my face as my leg felt the leg beside me. He was still here. I stretched, a grin on my face as I slowly opened my eyes. He was laying there starring at me, a grin on his face.
"Good morning.", he said grinning at me.
I smiled back and stretched again,"Good morning." I rolled to face him,"Did you sleep well?"
"Mostly. I had the best dream that I went into the kitchen and there was this gorgeous naked blonde sitting at the table.", he said smiling the smile at me.
"Oh yeah? What did you do?" I asked smiling back.
"There was only one thing I could do. I took her back to bed."
"I'm sure she's thankful for your help.", I whispered.
"She appears to still be smiling from my efforts." he said his finger rubbing my check, his grin still in place.
"It appears she's not the only one smiling."
"Well yeah, I woke up to see her still here and still naked. That's enough to make a guy smile." he looked at me boldly then as he took the covers off me. The light gave me nowhere to hide as he looked me from head to toe.
"You aren't shy are you Pickles?", he marveled finally looking me in the eye again.
"Should I be?", feeling very nervous all of a sudden and really wanting to pull the covers back over me.
"Oh baby, no, you have nothing to be shy about. I love every inch of you.,"he said pulling me close to him."It's just most girls are more inhibited. I really like that you aren't."
I smiled in response biting my lip to keep from saying that Brandon had taught me that. I was so shy at first. But he worked that out of me. I would stay weekends with him where neither of us got dressed at all. He had taught me to be unashamed of my body, to know that I was worth looking at, at least in his eyes. I said nothing just smiled.
"So what was the dream about Pickles?", he whispered in my ear as his fingers ran down my back.
I shrugged my shoulders and didn't say anything.
"Did he ever hurt you Bailey?", he voice was a caress in my ear but I stiffened in spite of it. I didn't want to talk about Brandon. He couldn't question me about him. If I said too much he'd know who I was, who Brandon was and then he'd be gone.
He looked at me then smiling but it didn't reach his eyes. It unnerved me. I wondered then if he already knew who I was. Was that possible? He rubbed my cheek tenderly, his eyes watching me, his smile in place.
"No.", I said softly but I didn't sound convincing, I sounded defensive."No, seriously, he was gentle and loving. He was good to me. Really good to me."
"Why are you still here Bailey? Are you still waiting for him? Where are you parents?"
Whoa! Hold on mister! Too much info there pal. I sat up then and looked down at him. God, he was beautiful, I swallowed and smiled down at him,"My, aren't we inquisitive today?"
He grinned up at me then touching my cheek again,"You intrigue me, Pickles."
"Is that right?", I asked absently licking my lips as I stared at those red lips of his.
"That's not all you do to me though.", he said his voice getting all sexy on me.
"What could little ole me possibly do to someone as hot as you?", I said climbing on top of him, because it was very apparent what else I did to him.
"Me hot? I ain't got nothing on you baby.", he answered as he started to move inside of me once again. This was all we needed to know about each other right now. This we did well, this we understood and loved.

"You are definitely going to be the death of me.", he said afterward trying to catch his breath.
"Hey! I warned you didn't I? On that first day, I warned you.,"I said trying to regulate my breathing.
He laughed then. "I am so glad I didn't listen." I laughed with him then and he kissed me softly on the lips. Popping my behind he said,"We've got to get ready for class gorgeous."
I didn't want to go. I just wanted to lay here with him all day but I let him pull me to my feet and headed for the shower. He followed me. We kissed our way through the shower our morning breath somehow forgotten. We dried each other as we kissed. It was like we couldn't stop. We couldn't get enough of each other.
"Have you drugged me woman?", he asked as we came up for air.
"Ssh. Kiss me."
"Can you imagine how great it will be when we've actually brushed our teeth?", he said grinning.
We looked at each other then suddenly very serious and at the same time we both flew to the sink to brush our teeth. Then we got tickled and started laughing but we both managed to finally get our teeth brushed. He took me by the hand and led me to my closet. I just buried my head in his chest, kissing his chest as I rubbed his back. He was so soft and he smelled so good. His smell and the smell of soap, I was lost in it all.
"Bailey.", his voice a little too stern.
"Huh?", I murmured ignoring his tone as I just kept rubbing his back and his behind.
"Where are your clothes? These are all guy clothes.", he said incredulously. I sighed and just shrugged. He finally found the old pair of jeans I had worn that day. They were torn so badly that I couldn't wear them anymore. He threw them down in disgust. Threw up his hands and cursed. He walked over to his clothes and started to get dressed.
"Find something to wear.", he said stuffing his wallet in his back pocket not looking at me.
As I started to get dressed he watched my every move, as I put on my panties, my bra, my sweats from yesterday and a long sleeve t-shirt from the closet. He watched as I put on my socks and boots that the soles were falling off. I tried really hard not to let him see that but I think he did. He just kept sighing and shaking his head. He was angry but I could tell it wasn't at me. He was angry at number 1. If he only knew who that was. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. When I had put my hair in my usual bun, he finally pulled me to him again and kissed me.

We managed to make some sausage biscuits for breakfast. We actually sat across from each other but I put my feet in his lap. After breakfast we got in another kissing, touching session. He looked at the clock moaning as he realized we had to go. I jumped on his back and he carried me out to the car with me kissing his neck. He sat me down on the hood of the car and turned around to kiss me again. He worked his way to my ear and said,"Let's do it here when we get home. How fun would that be?"
"That's hot baby."
"It will be when you are naked on the hood of my car." Of course, this turns me on again and we're kissing again. I feel like I'm fifteen again. It's insane.
We manage to make it in the car. But I'm sitting where I can watch him and I stare at him running my fingers through his hair the whole way to school. He glances at me occasionally and smiles. As he parks the car, he puts his head against the head rest and looks at me,"Please take it down.", he whispers. I take my hair down and he pulls me into his lap kissing me some more as his hands explore my body. His windows are tinted thank goodness. We finally make it to class, we aren't late but it's close. He sits with me in the back and "Alicia" as he calls her, glares at us the whole time. He doesn't seem to notice or care and he doesn't let go of my hand the entire class.

After class she calls him down and he pulls me with him. I'm so embarrassed I want the floor to swallow me up.
"Mr. Corbett, I would like a word with you in private.", she hisses at him.
He just glares at her and puts his arm around me pulling me closer. I try to get away but he just holds me tighter to him. She laughs harshly turning her glare on me.
"You know the only reason he's with you is because you look like Chloe. Pathetic.", she says rolling her eyes at us both.
He and I just stand there dazed and confused. I felt him flinch and stiffen when she said the words. I felt sucker punched and just dropped my gaze to the floor. He kept a tight grip on me. Finally he laughed and then shrugged his shoulders regarding her with his bored look that he'd perfected over the years.
"I won't bother telling you that you are wrong, Alicia, because frankly I don't really care what you believe. What a low blow for someone of your supposed maturity. Talk about pathetic. Come on baby.", he said glaring at her and kissing me on the head.
The bright sun about knocked us down when we entered the courtyard. His fans were clamoring over to him but he held his hands up in warning and they turned away. He led me to a bench not far from class and pulled me into his lap. I curled up laying my head on his shoulder.
"That's not true Bailey. It just isn't. Do you believe me?" he said his voice adamant. I shrugged then because I wasn't sure. I did wonder sometimes after Jade had said that. He sighed then and hugged me to him.
"Bailey, Chloe and I we had broken up by the time she died.", he whispered. I looked at him then in astonishment. What? Then why was his heart buried with her? It made no sense. What was he talking about?
"Look, most people don't know or don't remember. Well, she cheated on me. I broke off the engagement."
"What? I don't understand? Then why? Why is your heart buried with her? Huh? This doesn't make any sense to me." I stammered, my heart speeding up. He knew that she had cheated. Did he know who it was with?
"Well, Bailey it doesn't mean that I didn't still love her. Look, I like you and I just need you to know that it has nothing to do with Chloe. You two are worlds apart, nothing alike except the hair. Got it?"
I nodded at him took his face in my hands and kissed him right there. He grinned but kissed me back.

At lunch he made me sit with his fans and they were ok. Not overly friendly really but clamoring for his attention as always. He kept bringing me in the conversation as often as possible. He included me even if they didn't. The girls glared at me openly when he wasn't looking but were sickly sweet when he was. I didn't care because his arm was around me and not them. After we ate we walked outside and sat under the tree. This time they came with us. We both laid down in the grass my head on his chest. They were telling jokes or talking a mile a minute the whole time. He whispers in my ear,"I don't give a shit, I just want you naked."
I giggled,"On the hood?"
He groaned in my ear, "You are trying to kill me. Killing me softly. Is that the plan?" He pulled me beside him and we were face to face. I'm not sure if the fans got quiet or if I just didn't hear them anymore. All I heard was our heartbeats as we looked at each other and felt the current between us.
"Do you know any back alleys around here? Or trusty woods?", I grinned putting my arms around his neck.
"Ah, Segar again. You want to work on some night moves?", his voice was soft, his eyes intense, his grin delectable.
"I was thinking about some day moves, myself.", I said licking my lips and starring at his. He grinned at me wickedly and the next thing I know he's on his feet holding his hand out to me. I grab it and he pulls me to my feet.
"Hey Scott. Watch our stuff, we'll be right back." Scott agrees.
"Come on Pickles. We've got some exploring to do.", he says to me in his sexy voice. I glance quickly around us and the fans are starring open mouthed as he pulls me away. I practically have to run to keep up with him. He's leading me between two of the buildings. There's a door that I've never really noticed before. It's locked but he does something to the door handle and it turns. He scans the area then quickly opens the door, pulling me in after him. Once inside I have no time to discover where we are because he's on me immediately. I'm pressed against the wall, his body holding me in place, his arms on the wall beside me, trapping me. He's kissing me frantically and I turn to mush. My legs are jelly, my insides on fire. He holds me up as I can no longer stand without his aid. He's kissing down my throat, his hands in my pants.
"You make me crazy, baby.", he whispers gruffly as he pulls my pants down. I can't answer, I'm too "moany" and "groany". Too on fire. Lack of breath has left me speechless. He turns me around and I'm leaning over what appears to be an abandoned desk. I hear his zipper and it makes me quiver in anticipation. This is insane how we are acting but I don't care. I just want him inside me. Then he is and my legs abandon me again, I'm thankful for the desk. He is touching me now, rubbing me as he moves inside me. "Come for me baby. I want to feel you come.", he whispers and I lose it. I crumble right there, that quickly and he follows me.

Afterwards we start to laugh, a little embarrassed I think as we fix our clothes. I look around and we're in a storage room, with old stuff stacked everywhere, desks, props, costumes. I wonder how he knows about it but I don't dwell on it. I wonder how many other girls he's brought in here. He starts wiping the dust from the desk off me, we help each other with our hair. He kisses me softly as we exit and head back. I jump on his back and he carries me around with a huge smile on his face. People are watching us as we walk by with me on his back. I'm not used to having attention so I just bury my head in his shoulder. He starts laughing then like he did when we were in the rain that time and it's music to my ears.
"What's so funny Corbett?", I ask laughing in response to his laugh.
"You just make everything fun Pickles.", he says still smiling. I kiss his cheek and hold on tighter to his neck. He's still smiling like carrying me on his back is the greatest thing since sliced bread. He stops in front of this huge water fountain. It's big enough to wade in and I've already daydreamed of doing just that. He grins at me and says, "One day we are going to dance in that fountain Pickles. When it gets hot, you in?"
"Of course! I've always wanted to!", I say laughing wishing it wasn't so chilly today. He puts me down on the ledge of the fountain and turns to face me. I'm taller than him standing there but not by much. He holds my hand, steps up on the ledge with me and he leads me as he walks slowly around it. People move so that we can continue our path. He's just starring at me with this look of awe and I'm so flattered and speechless. Captivated by his eyes I can't look away. He's walking slowly forward forcing me backwards and it's almost like we're dancing now. Then he grabs me lifts me up and he's twirling me around. I'm so afraid we're going to fall in that freezing water but I'm giggling and squealing. He's laughing as he lowers me against him. My arms wrapped tightly around his neck, I'm suspended against him, my legs dangling. He kisses me and it's the fun kiss. Then he's hugging me against him swaying back and forth. "God help me, Pickles, but I can't get enough of you.", he whispers in my ear.
"Ditto baby.", I say with a grin. He kisses me lightly on the lips and then hops off the ledge holding his hand out for me. People are starring at us again. I just look down at the ground as he puts his arm around my shoulder as we head back to the oak tree.

Back at the oak trees the fans are all talking about going to the local night club tonight for drinking and dancing. They all look expectantly at Brett, silently asking him to go too. He shrugs his shoulders, looks at me and says,"Sounds fun. You in Pickles?"
It does sound fun. Lots of fun but number 1, what would I wear and number 2, I have to work tonight.
"It does sound fun but I have to work tonight.", I say hoping that will end my part of the conversation.
"Oh, where do you work Bailey?", Kristen asks innocently as she pops a chip in her mouth. I like Kristen, or have up until this moment. I feel the blood rush from my face as they all turn to look at me expectantly. Even Brett is looking at me with his eyebrows raised. My mouth goes dry and I can feel myself turning bright red as I stare back blankly at them, my mouth slack and gaping. I stand there shifting from foot to foot my brain racing as I try to think of an answer. I glance at Scott quickly, not meaning to, but as I do I can practically see it as he puts two and two together. He knows. I know he knows because I've seen him there. I had to cut him off one night because he was so drunk and trying to grab all over me.
Scott clears his throat, smiles at me shyly and says, "Well, Bailey is out but what about you Brett? You up for it?" God bless him, he does try to help me but a quick glance at my "prince" shows he's not fooled. Everybody else is starting to talk at the same time but he is just starring at me with narrowed eyes.
"We'll see.", Brett says coolly. "Get your stuff Bailey, we need to head to class."
I swallow hard and bend down to get my stuff. Scott and I make eye contact and he's looking at me all apologetically. I just give him a ghost of a smile. My stomach is in knots. I know this isn't going to go well.

Brett takes my hand and we walk in silence toward the building where our next class is held. He takes my backpack and puts it on a bench. "Sit.", he says as he sits down too. He's looking at me warily with his elbows on his knees, he looks so hot right now. I squirm on the bench and absently cross my arms and legs as I look away from him.
"Well?", he says finally, his voice cool and detached.
"It's just a job.", I mutter still not looking at him.
"You have me at a disadvantage here Bailey. Where do you work?"
"Plan B.", I say in the smallest voice, I hazard a glance at him and his head is now in hands and I hear him utter,"Shit!".
His eyes glare at me when he looks up then, "Are you a dancer?", he spits at me disgust in every word.
"No!", I say my voice loud and indignant.
He lets out a breath as he sits up, the bored, faraway look is on his face and my blood runs cold.
"I'm just a waitress, Brett. Look, it's close to my house, so walking there is easy, I make good money, they provide a uniform....", I stammer quickly trying to desperately to remove that look from his face. That look is a death sentence and I know it.

He laughs bitterly then,"Ah yes, the uniform.", he looks at me then anger on his face. He leans in closely, not touching me but so close that he takes my breath away,"No girl of mine is going to work at Plan B. and that's final.", He is adamant, cool, detached, and angry but this close I can't think clearly. He called me his girl. That's what I hear and my breathing hitches at his words. He grins knowingly at me then as he leans in closer,"Quit the job Bailey. Got it?", his eyes move to look at my lips and my insides become mush. I can't think with him this close, he's too distracting, my brain freezes, my heart is speeding, my head feels foggy with desire. He leans back then leaving me breathless and spinning. I shake my head to clear it. I have to think. I can't quit my job. What is he talking about? I have to work. If I don't work, I can't get a car, I can't get the clothes I desperately need. He's helped me so much this week but there's next week and the next I have to consider. But, if I don't quit the job....oh, he gave me the bored look. He'll be gone. I'm starting to panic a little. He takes my hand then pulling me to my feet as we head to class.
All through class I'm distracted by the latest dilemma. Him or my job. That's what it sounds like and it makes me angry. I see his point, I do, it's not a very classy job but the pay is great. I only have to work Thursday and Fridays. Sometimes Saturday nights too but that's not every week. It gives me plenty of time to study. I do hate the job but I have to have a job. I think about the men that come just because I'm working. They aren't dirty old men they are lonely. They ask me about school, about my life, they aren't trying to score with me. They are sorta my friends. I do have guys on me at times, like Scott was, but that's not the norm. Well, not always. I shudder thinking about the old Bailey, thinking how far I've fallen. The old Bailey would have never even considered working there but desperation does something to you, it makes you not ashamed to work anywhere as long as you have some money. Brett wouldn't understand that, he'd never been without before. He'd never spent Christmas by himself, in a freezing room, starring through tears at the only present I'd received and it was from one of those men. It was the best gift I've ever received. It was a fleece blanket and I just laid there in it's warmth so thankful for Ted and the fact that he cared. Brett would never understand that before he breezed in these men were the only people that cared about me. That knew I existed, that talked to me. They treated me like they were my uncles or something. He wouldn't or couldn't understand the sheer loneliness I've experienced this year and how I had actually looked forward to seeing Ted, Mr. Randy and Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob would bring me homemade brownies all the time. His wife started sending them with him eventually. She'd actually invited me to their house a couple of times and fed me home cooked meals. Uncle Bob and Aunt Shirley, that's what they wanted me to call them. And now, like some crazed lunatic, this guy I've known for, what?, three days?, wants to dictate to me where I can work? Who does he think he is? I'm working myself into a stew as the class goes on. I'm not listening to the professor at all, I'm sitting there glaring ahead, my arms crossed, my knee jerking up and down in a frenzy. I feel his eyes on me but I don't look at him. I don't think so. I vaguely notice people starting to rise, class is over. I grab my books and my backpack storming out of class still not looking at Brett. I walk swiftly with purpose towards my next class. I'm expecting him to try to catch me but he doesn't. I'm a little disappointed by that but I shake it off. I see Jade sitting at a bench as I walk swiftly by, she gives me a slight smile but her eyes leave mine quickly. Whatever. I glance at my watch, I have thirty minutes before class so I just walk aimlessly. He doesn't follow me, instead he stops to talk with some people near the oak tree. When I'm far enough away, I sit dejectedly on a bench. Bastard. He knows I'm angry but he doesn't care enough to follow me. I hear my cell phone beep that I have a text.
"You finished with your temper tantrum yet?" I gasp in anger when I read it. The asshole.
"You finished being an asshole yet?", I respond.
"Not when it comes to that job. As long as you are with me, you will not work there. Period."
"OH! So I guess I'll just ask for vacation time then."I snicker then. Take that mister drive by!
"Quit the job Bailey."
"Do you prefer Sir? Your Lordship? Your Highness? Or Dictator?"
"I prefer you not to be ogled by dirty old men AND for you to carry yourself with just a little more CLASS than that!"
Ouch. That hurt. Okay, fine, that was painful. I don't respond. I throw my cell phone back in my bag. I hug my knees to my chest, my head in my hands and I'm trying really hard not to cry. I feel so dejected, so embarrassed, so unworthy. Seeing how far I've fallen is devastating and it honestly has nothing at all to do with Brandon or Brett. It's all on my shoulders. What am I thinking? What am I doing? I work in a sleazy club, wearing sleazy clothes, talking to sleazy men by night. By day, I'm dressed in guy clothes and speak to nobody. Where is that high school cheerleader that Brandon fell in love with? Where did that sweet and innocent girl go? That girl with plenty of friends, a family, a home, clothes, a car, a future. Where was she? I can't do this anymore. He's right, I can't work there. I need a decent job. One that when I'm asked where I work I don't have to be embarrassed. To do that I need clothes and a car. How am I going to do this? I feel so helpless, so trapped. I look at Jade and she's watching me. She slowly gets up and walks over to me.
"Are you ok?", she asks, concern on her face. I just smile and shrug my shoulders. She sits down beside me and smiles back. "Has he left you already?", her voice has pity in it and it's sincere.
"I'm not really sure but he gave me the bored look today. You know what that means.", I whisper not meeting her eyes.
"The bored look?", she asks not understanding at first but I seem understanding dawn on her. "Oh, I call it the far off look but yeah I know the look. It's a death sentence." She sighs. "Look, I'm really sorry. He's really hard to get over. Can I help you in any way?"
She seems so nice and sincere. I look at her for the first time and notice how stylish she looks in designer jeans, a camisole with a short jacket over it. Her hair and skin are flawless. She is breathtaking, how could he leave her so easily. If he could leave her, he'd have no problem leaving me. I sighed, despair threatening.
"Do you have a car Jade?", I ask as a plan starts to take come together for me.
She looks at me confusion on her face, "Well, yeah. Why?"
I smile shyly at her and point to myself. "I'm in desperate need of some clothes and well....."
Her eyes light up and she seems excited when she says,"Say no more! Let me make a phone call and we'll go shopping. That will be fun! I'll be right back." she pats my knee like I'm a little girl and walks off, talking on her phone. I gather my stuff and hazard a glance at Brett. He is facing away from me but obviously on the phone. I reach for my phone then wondering if I should text him to tell him I'm leaving but decide against it when I read his last text to me. Instead I just turn it off after I read,"Seriously? The silent treatment? You know I'm right about this. Stop being so immature." My frustration mounts to a whole knew level when I glance over at him and see that whoever he's talking to is making him smile. His smile is huge as he hangs up from the call. I watch as he makes another phone call immediately after hanging up. Asshole I think just as Jade walks up and says, "Let's go!" her face lit up and excited.
"So where you want to go?", she asks as we walk to her car.
"Walmart will be fine.", I say adjusting my backpack.
She stops walking then and just looks at me like I have two heads. I laugh self consciously and say,"Jade, look, I'm on a really tight budget here."
She grins at me then and says,"Oh girl I've got your back. I was just told that Uptown Girls is having a 75% off sale! You are going to be dressed in style! No Walmart."

Uptown Girls is a thirty minute drive from campus. We climb in her Camry and she starts peppering me with questions about Brett. I'm not uncomfortable because she seems like she's just trying to be friendly.
"You know, Bailey, I think I was wrong. About the Chloe thing. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said a thing.", she said her voice filled with guilt.
"Oh no. It's fine.", I said trying to reassure her but she wasn't having it.
"Look, Bailey, I don't want to give you false hope but I haven't seen him laugh since Chloe died. He's been a shell of himself. You make him laugh and that's huge."
Wow. I just sit there gaping at her. No, I want to say, we make each other laugh. I remember the ride on the grocery cart, that was Brett. She's right, though, I'm not sure I'd seen him laugh the whole time that I was stalking him. He'd always seemed indifferent and bored.
"How long have you known him?", I ask suddenly curious.
"Oh since we were kids. We all used to hang out together all the time. Our parents were friends so he, Luke and I were always together."
Luke. My heart fell to my feet. She knew him! Oh I just wanted to hear somebody talk about him again.
"Luke?", I say trying to sound like no big deal but my heart was racing out of my chest.
"Oh girl, yes. Luke Black. Oh what a hottie he was! He looked just like Rob Thomas, you know the lead singer of Matchbox 20? Ahhh, we were all so in love with him, well, and Brett too, of course. Brett was the first one you'd notice because he's all model looking but Luke.....well, he had this sadness about him that made you want to put your arms around him to comfort him, ya know? His eyes, oh girl, he stopped your heart with those eyes. They were an unstoppable duo let me tell you. Neither of them ever had to want for a girl. The problem was they seemed to always be attracted to the same girls so they would flip a coin over them. Too funny huh? "
"So where's this Luke now?", I asked wondering if she could hear my heart it was beating so loudly.
She just shrugged her shoulders and looked at me saying,"Only Brett knows and he's not telling."
Another brick wall. Dammit. Brandon where are you?
"What do you mean? Nobody knows?", I ask incredulously.
"Exactly. He disappeared after Chloe died. No sign of him. They were searching for this girl that he had been dating at the time. Brett was intent on finding her, said he was afraid Luke had hurt her. But that's all he would ever say. I can't imagine Luke hurting anybody. I mean he was the sweetest guy.....", her voice trailed off in a way that made me wonder what her feelings were for him.
"Did you and Luke ever date?"
"No. But I did wish, let me tell you. My affections would alternate between the two so much that even I didn't know who I liked at any given time. But they only ever saw me as a friend.", she sighed then shrugging her shoulders.
"The one Luke dated the most was this girl they call Kat. She was Chloe's best friend. You may have seen her talking to Brett in the lunch lounge? Tall, blonde, huge brown eyes, boobs falling all over the place? I can't stand her! Anyway, she had it bad for Luke and he played with her all the time until he met that girl. I don't remember her name but man did he have it bad for her."
"Really? Hmmm. Did she go to school with you?"
"No. He would never bring her around at all. He missed his prom even. He went to hers though. She was all he talked about. He even quit the football team and he was so talented in football. He and Brett together were unstoppable. Brett was so angry at him but Luke didn't care. At all. All he cared about was her."
I was silent then. I hadn't realized he'd given up so much for me. Why had he done that? Oh Brandon why? You didn't have to do that? I felt sick inside. I was just miserable thinking about how he'd dumped it all....for me. His senior prom, his senior year of football...his friends, his life here. Why hadn't he brought me here? Was he ashamed of me? Was he afaid I would find something out about him? Even when he'd bought the house I now lived in we never went anywhere. We just stayed there. I had never really thought about it before. We were totally secluded, it was always just the two of us and I hadn't even noticed. Why hadn't I noticed? I sighed remembering him, how beautiful he was, how I could just stare at him for hours, I hadn't noticed because that's all I had wanted at the time. Him. Completely. And that's all he had wanted. Me. Completely. Was that even healthy? I had never truly defied my parents until I had met him. And I had felt no guilt when I started because all I wanted was to be with him. Always with him. No wonder I'm so lost now, I lost everything when he left, even more than I had realized before. It suddenly hit me that I had left it all behind before I had actually left it behind. My best friend of years became just my excuse on the weekends. My mom had no idea just how serious Brandon and I were because she always thought I was with Lindsey. When the truth was Lindsey and I were barely speaking by the time I left. She was into what ever guy she was into and I had Brandon. We never double dated because we didn't want to not be alone. My mind drifted then to the beginning. The night my life changed forever and Brandon Black also known as Luke waltzed into my life....