Ten Thieves of Terica

Chapter 1
Terica

In only thirteen years of living, I already had four scars on my left hand and two on my right.
Scars are powerful things, a jewelry gypsy in the Square had once told me. They tell one’s past, and one’s future. They tell all the world of your courage.
I struggled to remember each one’s origin. The one on my thumb was from a stray shard of glass from a nearby broken window.
The one that stretched across the palm were from a rap with the stick that the high-and-mighty Keepers carried around. The first and last time I ever plan on getting caught.
The rest I didn’t recognize, so I moved on to my right hand.
The first, which rested on my knuckles, had resulted from a baker that was a little unhappy about his bread being stolen. I thought bitterly, Bakers like to use pans as weapons. Luckily he had only caught my hand, but it was still sore for hours.
The last one was on my ring finger. I remember that one, I thought bitterly. But that one was a memory I didn’t want to relive, so I pushed the thoughts away.
I laid my palms flat on the cold stone. I sighed from boredom, and yes, hunger. I fingered the dagger on my belt, trying to keep my mind off of it, but my stomach rumbled anyway. I sat in an alleyway adjoining to the Square, where all the main events of Terica were held. I listened the squeak of carts as they were wheeled into their places, a hundred different smells wafting under my nose. But I tried to be patient. I knew that now, I would have no cover; no place to duck into, nowhere to hide once I made my move. But once the festival started.... I licked my lips in anticipation. Then the fun would begin.
I brushed my short caramel-colored hair out of my eyes and bit my lip. It was taking all my self-control not to rush out there now. I wasn’t the most cautious of thieves.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of scuffling feet. I was at my feet in an instant. A thought flashed through my head: Keepers.
I was about to run out into the Square, no matter how exposed I would be, but I stopped when I saw the footsteps’ owner.
It was a boy. He had ragged blond hair and determined blue eyes. He couldn’t have been more than two years older than me, although quite a few inches taller and seemingly much stronger. Dressed in rags like mine, I could only guess what he was running from.
Sure enough, I heard yelling in the distance. “Halt, thief!”
Sounded like a Keeper to me.
The boy didn’t seem to be looking where he was going, so he barreled right into me, but somehow kept his balance. “Havin’ some fun, eh?” I said, a grin on my face.
He eyed me, unsure of who I was.
“You don’t even know the half of it.” He said slowly, his breath was ragged and shallow from running. I could tell he was fast just from the few yards I’d seen him sprint.
The footsteps were coming closer. “Can’t seem to shake them,” he said.
“Them? What exactly did you steal?”
He shook his head. That’s how I knew he was in real trouble. This wasn’t just a pastry from the local bakery he’d stolen. I knew he could almost surely get sent to the Galley for whatever he’d done.
Mind yourself, a voice in my head said. You always have before. Why shouldn’t you now? Let him deal with his own problems.
But for some reason, I grabbed his arm before he could take off again. “Try the apothecary on the Avenue. Tell her it’s- ” I couldn’t believe I was telling him my name, but I did. “ -Adira’s treat.”
“Thanks,” he said. He sounded genuinely relieved. Then he was gone.
I looked down the street to see three Keepers sprinting down towards my alley, their dark uniforms a little askew. I pulled my head back in quickly, but not before one of them gasped audibly and shouted, “You!”
My face was quite familiar among the Keepers. Chances were, they didn’t want me for a friendly chat.
Oh, what had I gotten myself into?
I turned and sprinted down the alley and out into the Square. It was already starting to fill up from the minute that I hadn’t been paying attention, and so I had my fair share of people to dodge through.
I couldn’t head for the apothecary; it would lead them to him, which was kind of a step backwards.
I decided to try and lose the Keepers in the maze of the streets of shops. I took off down an adjoining street to the Square, the Keepers in hot pursuit. I glanced behind me to find only two following me; I suspected that one had broken off to follow the boy. This is what you get for helping a stranger, Adira. You don’t even know his name! Mercy is a weakness.
But I didn’t allow the troubling thoughts to slow me down, and I continued to dart down alleyways and side streets, anything to lose them. Finally, I no longer heard the footsteps behind me and I slowed to a stop. I took a look around me to find that I was exactly where I’d told the boy to go: the Avenue.
Really, the Avenue was called Tiran Street, after an old king of Terica, but most called it the Avenue, or sometimes the Everything Avenue. It was a long street, the road curving back and forth a little, and it was lined with shops of every kind. Shops for the finest ladies, bakeries, household tool stores, and yes, a little apothecary. I started to walk down the street towards it, even though I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to go inside. I didn’t know what to think about my rash behavior. Why had I helped him so willingly? Was it because he was in trouble? Or was it because somehow I sensed... a friend?
I shook the idea from my head. You’ve never had a friend, stupid. How would you know what a friend is even like?
I listened to the world around me, lost in thought. My feet scuffing the stone, a bird whistling its song, a whisper on the wind....
That’s when I realized there was no wind.
I whipped around a little too late. The Keeper already had his hands on my wrists.
“Let me go!” I yelled fruitlessly. His hold was like iron.
He chuckled. His hair was graying under his foolishly large hat that matched his expensive navy uniform. It was dotted with rubies, signifying his rank.
“Not likely, brat,” another said. This one was young, maybe in his twenties, with his bright yellow hair shining in the sunlight.
I realized there was a third one, too, who was young as well. That meant they hadn’t caught him, whoever he was. You shouldn’t exactly be worried about him. You’re the one about to be in chains.
Suddenly I realized that I still felt the weight at my waist. I looked down. My dagger was still on my belt.
I continued to struggle against his grip, this time with purpose. If I could just reach it...
With a fast motion, he twisted my right wrist. I cried out in pain.
“Looks like we’ve got a fighter here,” the third one said.
The one holding me snorted. “You should see her when she’s real riled up. I’ve dealt with this one before,” he said in a lofty tone.
“Sounds like old ruby coat couldn’t catch this little one himself,” the second muttered to his friend, and they snickered.
The man tightened his grip even more in anger, and it was all I could do to keep from crying out again. His twisting hands had bent my wrists farther than they were ever supposed to go. But he paid no attention to me and glared viciously at the two men. “That’s mighty talk for one as low as you,” he growled.
“Whatever you say, Your Highness.” The Keeper made a mock bow and grinned.
My wrists were screaming in pain now, and my vision was going fuzzy. All thoughts of escape were wiped from my mind. Now all my focus was on remaining awake.
Suddenly I was aware of someone yelling, and two outlines came out of nowhere. One was big and tall, the other smaller and more familiar. I struggled to keep consciousness.
I felt the pressure release from my wrists and I sank to my knees, his iron grip no longer holding me up. My hands hung limp at my sides. I didn’t dare move my wrists an inch.
I felt strong hands lift me and start to run. My wrists jostled and I tried not to cry out. The strong, rough fingers carefully placed my hands in my lap, never losing speed.
I focused on staying conscious. In, out. In, out. The rhythm of my breathing helped keep me steady.
Then suddenly we seemed to be climbing up - or was it down? - and we stopped.
I felt someone place me down on something soft, like velvet. I’d felt it once before, right before I’d had a Keeper sent after me for “touching the antiquities”. I opened my eyes and found myself looking into an unfamiliar face. He was the big outline I’d seen, with muscles as big as large rocks. He looked concerned as he looked over me, his breath quick from running.
“Who - who are you?” I managed. It was taking all my energy not to black out.
But he just shook his head.
Another face appeared beside him, one that was more familiar.
“What -?” I started.
But he cut me off with a smile.
“A favor repaid,” he said.
That was the last thing I heard before I succumbed to the darkness.

I dreamed of my family.
The cottage was the same as it had been on that day. The kitchen was filled with the smell of newly baked bread, and my mother was whistling as she worked. My father worked in our farm fields, reaping the wheat in the early morning fog.
I stood in the forest outside of the many fields, Tomas’s little hand in mine. He had my caramel hair and my green eyes, the features that contrasted to our mother’s blonde hair and our father’s brown.
I felt all the feelings I’d felt that day. The hurt, the confusion.
Tomas rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Where are we going, Addie?”
I studied him. I could see the dark circles under his eyes, the paleness of his skin. Gone were the bright eyes full of laughter, the rosy cheeks. I could see all the effects of the disease taking over his little body.
But I put on a smile, just for him. “You’ll see,” I said.
I led him through the trees, lifting him over fallen trunks or saving him from branches that blocked our path. We finally reached a clearing.
“Here we are,” I said.
He looked around at the grass and flowers dotting the clearing. Sounds of life surrounded us, filling our hearts with happiness.
He smiled at me. “Just like I dreamed a meadow would look like.”
I ruffled his hair. “Found it just yesterday. It’s yours, Tommy.”
He surveyed the place with bright eyes, just like they had been before.

The scene changed. I was standing in our kitchen. New-found anger spread through me like wildfire.
My father stood in front of me, as tall and strong as an oak. Just as stubborn, too.
“Why?” I said.
“You’re too young.”
“I’m ten. You were working in the fields at my age!”
“That was different,” he grumbled.
“How so? How is it different?” My voice quivered with anger. “Do you not care for him at all? Do you want him to die?” I yelled.
My father’s face remained impassive, but his eyes filled with anger. “Adira -”
“I’ll send enough money that we can buy medicine,” I said firmly. “I know the Castle’s far, but-”
“I said no!” My father bellowed.
I took a step backward. I’d never heard him take that tone with anyone, not even me. But I realized that it wouldn’t stop me. It was Tommy I was fighting for now, and I would never let him down.
I stepped forward until we were only a few inches apart. “I. Don’t. Care.” I whispered.
Now his whole body went stiff with anger. But I grabbed my bag from off the table. It contained some food and some money I’d saved. It would get me to Terica Castle well enough.
Avoiding my speechless father, I walked to the door and turned the wooden door knob.
“Addie?”
I turned to see my little brother standing in the kitchen doorway. “Please don’t go,” he whispered.
I walked to him and crouched down so I could look him in the eyes. I wiped the tears from his cheeks. “Tommy, I love you more than anything in the world,” I said softly. “Which is why I’m going.”
New-sprung tears leaked from his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him, and his little arms hugged me back. I ruffled his hair one last time.
Then I walked out the door into the darkness before I could cry.

When I awoke again, I was breathing hard. I was drenched in sweat.
I tried to shake the dream from my head and took in my surroundings. I was on a velvet lounger, or long, padded seats that fit two or three people. My mouth dropped as I looked at everything else.
I was in a huge room fit for a king. I was at one end with everything in sight. Many loungers like mine dotted the room, with tables and chairs of dark wood every here and there. A few bookshelves lined the walls. I’d never been this close to a book before. Only the rich could afford them, and what need had I for books, anyway? I’d been taught to read, but I’d never read a book. At the far end, was a door, which I assumed contained a bathroom. A sink and coal stove stood next to it, which were quite a luxury. With a shock, I realized that the sink was hooked to pipes, which meant it had running water.
I tried to push myself into a sitting position, but I yelped in pain as I remembered my wrists - the hard way.
“Careful,” I heard someone say from behind me.
The boy I’d rescued came to stand in front of me. His blue eyes twinkled at me.
I used my elbows to push myself into a sitting position and glared at him. “Who are you?” I asked.
“Kenelm. Call me Ken.”
Well, at least now I knew his name. I tried to stand, but Kenelm pushed me back down onto the couch. “No way,” he said. “I did not rescue you just to have you hurt yourself again.”
“Hurt myself?” I scoffed. “How old do you think I am: three?”
“Somewhere close,” he said. His tone was carefree and mischievous, and I knew he was messing with me.
A little anger fired up inside of me. Who was he to tell me what I could and couldn’t do? “Why did you rescue me? I’m no concern of yours.”
“I was no concern of yours when those Keepers were on my tail.”
“There wasn’t any risk on my part.”
He gestured at my limp wrists. “Obviously.”
“They would have seen me whether I helped you or not!” I countered. “They didn’t even know I helped you.”
“But you did help me. That’s the point.”
I glared at him. “Stop being so difficult.”
“Being difficult is my specialty.”
Once again forgetting my injured wrists, I started to sit up to give him a lecture he’d never forget, only to mumble an: “Ow” and stay propped up on my elbows.
He kneeled beside me and pushed me back down. I tried to resist, but he was strong, and he succeeded without difficulty.
“Let me go,” I murmured weakly as I struggled against him. The exertion was catching up with me. I could feel the sweat on my forehead.
“Shh. Go back to sleep.”
I stopped struggling, but said, “No.” I tried to keep my voice loud and firm. “Not until I get answers.”
He looked into my face and sighed. “I know that look,” he said. “Promise no more resistance after you get your precious answers?”
I snorted. “I promise to go to sleep. That’s about as good as you’ll get.”
He grinned and said, “Alrighty then. Here,” he said, crossing his legs and sitting down on the wood. He handed me a platter with a huge bowl of soup and a glass of water.
I hadn’t realized until then how hungry I was. I grabbed it and started to eat.
“Who are you really?” I asked between bites. “And not just your name.”
He shrugged. “Not much about me. I’m fifteen. I grew up in the bad part of town, in an orphanage on Seventh. I ran away and took to thieving. I met Erez along the way. I trust him more than anyone in the world.”
I thought about that for a minute, the soup drizzling down my throat. It seemed so foolish to me, to trust. It seemed like a foreign concept.
You trusted once, a voice inside me countered.
I shoved the voice away and studied the boy in front of me. Fifteen. I had been right.
Just like- The voice almost made it into existence, but I stopped it. You aren’t going to think about him, I told myself.
“What was it you stole?” I asked, aware that the last time I’d asked this question, he’d refused to tell me. I took a sip of water.
He shook his head once again. “Afraid you still don’t get that answer,” he said.
I shrugged. I’d expected as much. “Why did you save me? And no repaying-a-debt junk.”
“You were in trouble.”
“So you risked your life for a complete stranger?” I took another bite. “Do you do this everyday? Because it’s a wonder you haven’t gotten caught yet.”
He smiled. “You could say as much for yourself, Adira.”
I didn’t respond.
“Okay, enough questions. Sleep,” he said. It wasn’t a suggestion, it was a command. Usually I didn’t take commands, but I’d given my word.
I looked down at my bowl and found it was empty. He took it from me, and I let my eyes close once more.
The next few hours were a living nightmare: drifting in and out of consciousness, never fully awake, never fully asleep. I remember twice taking a bite to eat and a sip of water before sleep took me again. I could hear little snips of conversation between Ken and Erez, but I never registered what they meant before my eyes closed once more. But when I woke up one night, I knew I would be staying awake, no matter what anyone told me.
I opened my eyes to darkness - and voices.
Excited that I would finally be able to understand their conversation, I listened in.
“...what are we going to do with it?” It was Erez. I’d never heard him speak; he hadn’t seemed like the talking type. His voice was low and strong, but calming. Would I finally find out what they had stolen?
“The Staff was useful for a while, at least to help Adira. We’ve got to do it sometime. Its power is radiating like a tracker beacon,” Ken said.
I almost yelped out loud. No, not now, I thought. Not here.
“Then we let the Keepers find it, and -”
“No, Ez. The switch of Masters could kill someone if they didn’t know what they were doing.”
Erez mumbled something about being happy to have a little less Keepers in the world, but Ken didn’t say anything.
My mind was going haywire. Not that. Not the Staff. I thought I was rid of it forever....
He said quietly, “She’ll wake up soon. Then she’ll be gone forever.”
There was a pause. “Wasn’t that the plan all along?”
There was silence for a moment. “She’s different, Ez. Something about her is just... not like the others. I think she has a lot of past to tell. Maybe she could help us.”
The thought pierced me to the soul, like a sharp knife was thrown at my heart. They wanted to use me for my past?
I stood, not surprised that I could use my wrists, if they had tested the Staff on me. I was shaking in anger.
“How dare you?” My voice shook as well. The two figures turned to me in the darkness. “How dare you bring me here, try to use me as if - as if I were some sort of doll to be played with!” I stalked towards Ken, who retreated.
“That’s not what I meant -”
“I’m not your plaything, you lying rat,” I spat at him. “I was stupid, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you could be a friend to me. Well, that thought is gone forever.”
I wanted to leave. This second. But I knew there was no door leading out. There was some other way, and at the moment I didn’t want to ask Ken anything.
I sat down on the lounger and put my head in my hands. Images and thoughts flashed through my head.
A news headline.
A dark night.
I felt someone sit down next to me. I didn’t have to look to know it was Ken.
I turned my head away. I was determined not to cry in front of him. “You don’t know anything about my past. You don’t know what I’ve lost, what I’ve fought for-” I said, my voice quivering. My anger had suddenly subsided.
The pictures wouldn’t stop.
A ground of ash.
A pillar of fire.
Words never to be taken back.
That was when I broke down into tears.
I felt a hand on my arm, but I tore it away from him. I didn’t need his comfort. I’d never needed any comfort before. Why would I need it now? But he only placed it there again. I looked down at it like I’d never seen anything like it before.
“Tell me. You can trust me,” he said softly.
I searched my emotions and found that I wasn’t really angry with him. I was just confused and shocked as so much of my past was reappearing before my eyes. But I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust anyone. I couldn’t get the words to come when I wanted to trust him so badly. He’s trying to get you to tell him your past, Adira!
But I pushed the thought away. No matter how angry I was, I wouldn’t believe it. I didn’t.
“If you keep building walls around yourself, you’re the only one who’s going to get hurt, Addie.”
At the name, I looked up through my tears. Only one other person had called me that. The voice echoed in my mind.
Where are we going, Addie?
My heart wrenched in pain at the memory. I couldn’t hold these pictures inside anymore. I had to tell someone. And somehow, I knew I could tell Ken. I wasn’t used to common sense not holding up what my heart told me. But I followed through.
“I was so angry that night.” I whispered. He looked up and let go of my arm, surprised to hear my voice, but I only brushed away my tears, then put them back in my lap. I traced the bruise encircling my wrist, the only evidence left of the Keeper’s iron hands, as I spoke. “I didn’t understand why my parents wouldn’t let me go. All I knew was that I had to help him.” I winced as I pressed a little hard on the bruise. “He was sick. The doctors knew of a medicine, but there was no way our little farm could make enough to buy it. I knew that Terica had missions. If you succeeded, you would be rewarded beyond your dreams. I had my eyes on a specific mission. The Golden Staff of Kudor.”
There was a silence. No one spoke. I could hear Erez’s rough breathing behind us.
“They needed a person small enough to sneak into the enemy’s forces and penetrate the Fortress Kudor’s boundaries. Go inside, get the Staff, and get back out again. Deliver it to Terica Castle.” I shook my head ruefully. “I knew it was stupid. I was only nine. But I was confident I could do it. For my little brother, I could do it.” I sighed. “I didn’t tell my parents the truth, of course. I told them that I could find a job at the Castle as a maid. Send money home. After I’d succeeded, I would tell them the truth, but I was sure they would be too happy with the money to care.
“That night I fought with my father. I said things I regret. I left that night, without his blessing and without permission.
“I paid a couple going up to the market on a wagon train. When I got there, the court members chosen to pick the champion laughed at me. They said to go home.
I almost smiled at the memory. “I took a dagger from a rack, for those to show off their warrior skills. I threw it at a crack in the rock floor ten feet away. It lodged in. There was a silence. Then one of them said, ‘You’ve got the job. Keep the knife.’”
I paused as I unsheathed it from my belt and clenched my hand around it. The handle was curved, and it fit perfectly in my hand. It was a dark blue that reminded me of the sky night before darkness settled in. The blade was as black as midnight. “I succeeded,” I said, my voice softer than I’d expected. “I blended right in, got through their forces easily. When I got into the castle -” I shivered and sheathed the dagger. “There were guards at every turn.” I clenched my teeth to keep them from chattering as the same cold seemed to reach me again. “I registered as a maid, somehow making it into the chamber after months of planning. I...” I hesitated. Then I said, “I got the Staff, and got out. Delivered it to Terica Castle. I got my reward. And then -” A chill went through my body.
A news headline.
A dark night.
A ground of ash.
A pillar of fire.
Words never to be taken back.
Ken’s hand reached out to touch my arm. It was cold as ice.
I moved my arm away from his hand, knowing what it meant. “No,” I said, my firm voice echoing around the room. I took a breath, and its shakiness dissolved the myth of my voice. “Let me finish.”
I clenched my hands into fists, trying to keep them from shaking. “I returned to the Square to get a carriage ride to my home. I’d never been in a carriage, but now I could afford it. I was so giddy I even bought a newspaper. I’d never felt paper before. It was rough and smooth at the same time.
“I got into my carriage, imagining my parents faces light up when they would see me with the money, when we would be able to cure Tommy. I read the headlines, just for the tingling sensation I had when doing it, like I’d seen so many rich dukes do, with their fancy rings and intricately decorated canes.” That sick feeling crept into my stomach again.
“I read the news on the war with Kudor. It just seemed all politics and the talk of dukes and duchesses. Until something caught my eye. ‘Fire,’ it said.
“I read the passage over and over again, not registering anything. I remember its words so well.” I closed my eyes. “Fire in the fields of the Southern farms. Unknown number of casualties. No survivors known. Cause: Kudor’s avenging of their Staff. I hadn’t known the news of the Staff would spread so soon.” I opened my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly cold. “The Southern farms. My home. I told myself that ‘the Southern farms’ was very vague. It was a huge place, after all. But that carriage ride was the longest seven hours of my life.
“I directed the driver to my cottage. It was one of ones closest to the North, because it barely bordered the South. I had no warning of what I would see.
“What looked like fog obscured our view as we pulled to a stop. But as soon as I got out of the coach, I realized what it was.” I swallowed, trying to keep the memory of smoke in my throat away. “It was black, like darkness, and ashes blew with it.”
I realized that tears were streaming down my face once again. “I ran through the smoke, calling their names,” I continued, my voice barely above a whisper. “I finally stopped and froze. Frozen, it seemed, in time.”
The words rushed out now, even though every syllable was a steel rod poking my heart. “When I looked down at my feet, I was standing ankle-deep in ash. That’s what broke me. I remember falling to my knees, crying uncontrollably. I remember someone lifting me, even though there was no one left. It was an old woman, who was surprisingly strong for her age. She concocted herbs and medicines. I remembered her trying to save Tomas. But no one could, not even her. She saved me. I’m sure I would have died, because I had no intention of eating or drinking anything again.”
I stared at my hands, out of breath with the effort of finishing the story. “It was all my fault. Every bit of it. I couldn’t live with myself. It was like I’d killed them all.”
“Don’t say that.” It was the first words I’d heard him speak. I looked up at him. His face was filled with something I hadn’t expected: anger.
“It wasn’t your fault. You -” He paused, and a look of indecision mixed with the anger. His hands clenched into fists and opened again. “You didn’t know what would happen,” he said carefully.
“It doesn’t matter. If I had listened, if I hadn’t left -” My voice was breaking like a wall of rocks, cracking, ready to fall. I put my head in my arms and the wall tumbled.
Each stone that fell was a shake of my body, a sob, ten tears shed. A hand rested on my shoulder. “Addie,” Ken whispered. “It’s not your fault.”
But I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t talk about this anymore. I couldn’t reopen the wound anymore than I already had. But the hand stayed until I cried myself to sleep.
Thankfully, I had no dreams. It seemed my mind was on my side for once. When I opened my eyes again, it was once more to darkness. I guessed I’d slept through the day.
Ken was asleep on the lounger across from me, and I didn’t see Erez anywhere. All that went through my mind was that I had to get away from here. This place held too many memories and secrets now. I had to leave.
I stood and walked around, looking for the hidden way out. Then I saw something hanging from the ceiling at the end of the room. I approached it carefully.
It was a wooden ladder. It seemed to have hinges and fold into the ceiling, concealing the gaping hole above my head. I was underground? I hadn’t thought about until then, but then I remembered that sensation of climbing down before I lost consciousness that first day. I grabbed hold and started to climb towards the dark hole above me.
I popped my head out to see a wooden floor, dusty and empty. I pushed myself up to stand on it and looked around. It was completely empty. I looked back down the dark trapdoor. Goodbye, I thought, and walked through the doorway of the room.
I found myself in the front room of what appeared to be an abandoned shop. It had probably been condemned long ago, seeing the ceiling that sagged down and the walls that seemed to be leaning inward a little too much. I walked out the main door, which was unlocked, and found myself out on a street. I recognized it as the very end of Everything Avenue.
I looked up at the crooked sign crowning the store: “Madame Marie’s”. I’d noticed it before, but never thought anything of it. It was just a fancy clothing shop that had never quite made it.
My hands in my pockets of my ragged shorts, I walked down the empty street, trying to keep the memories of the underground room away. But still they came. Why had he been so angry about the story? Why had I told him it in the first place? It made no sense. It wasn’t like me. But something about Ken made him so easy to trust. I shook my head as if to clear it and kept walking.
My ears rung with the things I’d told him. But somehow, the things that went unspoken overran them.
The things I’d kept from him. The things I’d omitted from the story. At the time, I’d thought it was for the sake of time. But now, I wasn’t so sure.
The real horror of the Kudor palace. What had really happened that night I’d stolen the Staff. That pair of stormy black eyes, with his dark curls framing his face.
A chill ran up and down my spine.
What had really happened that night.
I didn’t let it enter my mind any further and continued to walk. Soon I found myself in front of the apothecary.
I went around to the back door, and knocked in our five beat rhythm. The door creaked open and an old, wrinkled face peaked through. When she saw my face, her eyebrows went up in surprise. She opened the door and ushered me inside.
“Gosh Adira, you scared me half to death! I thought you’d hit the road and decided never to come back!” she said, closing the door and then turning on me, her hands on her hips in a stern stance.
I smiled. “Good to see you too, Helda.”
“The last I heard from you was when that boy showed up here, saying something about Keepers and you -” She shook her head and moved over to the coal stove of the back room kitchen we stood in. “Then he said thank you and ran off, very mysteriously.”
When I didn’t reply, lost in thought, she said, “Three days! Three days you were gone. Where’ve you been all this time?”
Three days? I’ve been asleep for almost three days? I thought incredulously, but my mouth replied, “Come on, Helda. I’ve been gone a lot longer than that before.”
She shrugged, stirring a pot of soup. “True. But at least you could’ve left a note, or something.”
My eyebrows scrunched together. Why was she so worried about me all of a sudden? She’d just let me do my own thing before. I came to stand by her. “Helda, what’s wrong?”
She stopped stirring the pot on the expensive stove. She avoided my eyes. “Four nights ago, two Peacekeepers came here. They came asking for you.”
My heart pumped in shock. That was the day that Ken had helped me escape.
“They said that witnesses had seen you coming here. They demanded to know where you were.” She started to stir the pot again, this time lightning fast, as if it to keep the thoughts away. “Of course, I told them I’d never heard of you in my life, and sent them off.” She sighed, and for a moment she seemed as old as she really was. “When they didn’t come back, and you didn’t come back, I thought... I thought....”
I had endangered her. Was there anything I could do without hurting someone?
“Ever since I was nine and you rescued me, Helda, I knew you would be a friend forever. And you always will be,” I whispered. She stopped stirring once more and turned her head to look at me, confusement in her eyes.
I turned from her and wrapped my arms around myself. “But I can’t hurt you like I did them.”
I felt hands suddenly grip my arms. “Hurt them? How could you have known?” There was panic in her voice.
“I should have tried something else, I should’ve been patient -”
“You did all you could, and more!”
I whirled around to look at her. “All I do is hurt whoever has anything to do with me! I can’t let that happen to you, Helda. I can’t let them take you. It would be like my family all over again.”
I looked into her face in the darkness. I had never seen it look so sad. It had always held joy, and happiness. I couldn’t let that happiness burn like that cottage.
“Goodbye, Helda,” I whispered. “And remember, I will always be your friend, wherever I am.”
And I walked out and into the darkness for the third time in my miserable life.

If I had felt like crying, the tears would have frozen on my cheeks. The cold bit at my skin like a skeleton’s teeth. But no tears came. I promised myself that I would never cry again. A little warmth came into my cheeks as I thought of how I broke down in front of Ken. How weak he must think I am! I thought bitterly, rubbing my bare arms.
As I was turned the corner onto a street that adjoined to the Avenue, I heard the sound of a door slamming. I whipped around, wondering if Helda had followed me, but I knew that Helda was the type that let you make your own decisions. Still, I crept back into the shadows of a nearby building.
Footsteps echoed on the cobblestones, and a dark silhouette came into view. I squinted into the darkness. With a jolt, I realized that it was Ken. He must have gone straight to Helda’s, looking for me.
He stared down the street, as if by sheer willpower he could bring me back. But resignation already plagued his figure, and he stayed a few more seconds before turning around and walking back up the street and down the Avenue, surely on his way back to Madame Marie’s.
I let out my breath. Why did he keep following me?
And why did you want him to find you?
The thought caught me by surprise, but I didn’t deny it for one second. I had wanted him to see me, hiding in the dark. Maybe only to ask him why he wanted me as an ally. I was a nobody. Always had been.
My feet carried me to the Square, the place where it had all happened, only a few days ago. It seemed like a million years ago.
It was empty. A long stretch of stone that reached up to the castle doors like a murky hand. It wasn’t a Square, really. It was just the red carpet that led to the throne.
My soft footsteps echoed quietly across the dark rock of the buildings lining the Square. I let my hands run across the rough walls of them as I walked into the same alley. It was there just as before, between a bakery and a dress shop.
I had thought that I would feel safe in the darkness of the alleyway, but the shadows only seemed to crowd me. I slid down the wall and onto the cold stone. Stone and rock. It was all there was anymore. No more soft soil warmed by the sun. No trees with their living bark. No more breathing of the world around you.
Only stone.
I tucked my knees in tighter against me. I was glad I had decided not to cry. Or else I might have then.
It took me a moment to realize that the pictures were gone. The flashes of the ashes at my feet no longer haunted my mind as they had for the past days. Maybe telling someone did help after all.
The only haunting things left in mind were Helda and Ken. And although I had tried to deny it, someone else.
Damian.
I let myself succumb to the memory that I had been holding back for far too long.