I haven't always been this way

I haven't always been this way, I was once beautiful and needed.
I worked and took care of myself, and even helped others around me.

I was loved and respected, I was once always on someone's mind.
I was owned a fast car, and didn't have a lot of money, but certainly enough.

I even ate right, and exercised when I felt motivated.
Oh how I miss running around the lake, and feeling the wind sweep across my face.

Now I'm here....Room 348, waiting for my call light to be answered because I just threw up, and ruined my bedding.
I do not just press this call light to bother you, I press it because not only does someone come to assist me, but they come and tell me everything will be okay, and it's funny but for a brief second I feel loved.

I lost my family, and the ones that are still with me are busy in their own lives.
I do not want sympathy or pitty, I understand.

My nurse has been my real friend in all of this, her name is Faye.
I stopped Faye, when she was giving report to the nurse coming in to relieve her, I never met her before this. They were in my room discussing my health and I stopped them in mid-sentence, I had something to tell them.

Listen to me, I'm scared. I am going to die here in this room, I know this. I'm also scared that no one will ever know, (I remember breaking down and crying) Faye I know that you have other patients, and most likely when you leave and get home you will have probably forgotten my name. I just want to know I'm in good hands with you, Faye. I'm just a paranoid old woman I guess.

I remember Faye's reply to me like it was only yesterday. "Mrs. Caldwell you have nothing to worry about, nurse Mary and I are going to give you all the proper care you need. And I am a bit insulted that you would think I would forget your name by the time I get home, well I assure you Mrs. Jenny Caldwell, room 348, birthday March 7, 1944 I do not forget my crazy patients! (she gave me a playful wink, and came to my bedside) Your crazy because if you think I'm just your nurse, that sees you as a room number and not as another human...well Mrs. Caldwell you and I have some catching up to do. (She smiled)

I felt as though my illness wasn't even there anymore after her words, I remember not even saying anything back. Faye and the night nurse Mary were so real and caring, it was in a way refreshing for me. What a great person Faye is, to make an old dying woman feel special and even....needed.

When I threw up, I had a nurse and a friend
Someone to just simply hold my hand.
When the pain got bad and it was hard to see.
I am important, she always reminded me.

To the end and through it all she was there as promised, providing me with incredible care. And seeing me at my worst.
Her voice was even angelic, that being the last thing I heard I was finally at peace.