Day 2

What a night it was. Slept content, with her by my side. She was the early bird that day, I open my eyes, and the first thing I see is, she staring at me, the look on her face is of a woman who would like to spend her whole life with me and still want some more. She looked happy, she looked complete. I cupped her face and pulled her cheeks, asking her, "What are you doing love?"  She said, "Recharging myself, breathing in your essence for times that I won't have you next to me."

"Oh baby, I love you" I said, embracing her fondly. "I love you more", she said. This was our another norm, where the person who got to say "I love you more", the other person should agree with it and say ok. Otherwise, we would just carry on saying it and get into a competition of who loves the most, comparing our love for each other with infinity and beyond.

She got up hastily, telling me to sleep some more, while she got the pancakes ready. I insisted she come and lie down, but she was a woman on a mission, she said she would want me to have the best pancakes one last time. I let go of her hand and she went disappearing into the darkness of the doorway. I lay there on the bed, immersed in my world of thoughts and dreams. How I wished I could spend the whole eternity with her, love her, take care of her and cherish each and every second with her. My love, my soulmate, was right here in front of me, a gift from God. What was I doing? How can I let her go? How can I part from the only person that makes my life worthwhile? How can I ever be myself without her by my side? Who could I ever relate to, the way I did with her? She is the one, the only one, that would complete me. She is the closest to heaven that I will ever be in this world. My feelings getting heavier, I shrugged my heart, trying to reason with it.

As I got off the bed, I said to my heart, why are you being selfish? Doesn't she want to stay here as well? She can't due to the recent circumstances. She has to go to her family, her mother and sisters, because she isn't safe here. She has to stand on her feet, be confident and prove others that she can survive as an independent individual. The ultimate sacrifice being, leaving me for the time. I had to support this decision of hers, even if it breaks my heart into million pieces. What mattered most, wasn't it to keep her happy and safe? To protect her with my life. Make her the most happiest person in this world, with every inch of my existence.

My heart surrendering to this conclusion, subsided with its argument. I look at my reflection, a tear escaping my eyelash falls into the basin, ignoring it, I rinse my face with running water. Not thinking anymore, I walk into the kitchen with a smile on my face, she looks at me and greets me with a broad smile. She looks excited. My pancake awaits me with the grapefruit on the side. I tell her to come and join me. She agrees as she flips a pancake for herself.

With our feet dangling on high chairs, we enjoyed our breakfast, looking at each other as we munched on. She explained how she didn't want to go that night at the farewell dinner arranged by her friends, but rather spend the time with me. I told her to go, I said, I will wait for her. She smiled and then justified saying that her friends had planned it a month back and it would upset them if she backs out the last minute. I agreed and told her not to worry about me. We were finishing our last morsel of pancake, when I looked at her and realized, what a beautiful moment it was. We were sitting together eating and discussing our views, without any filters. Having a proper conversation without being intimidated by what the other person might think. We had promised to never be like those couples, who had silent lunches or dinners and certainly never like those couples who couldn't have a conversation, out of fear from each other. I was proud of what we had accomplished in our relationship, a true companionship.

She got up with our plates, already on the cleaning agenda as she always liked her things in place and order. She kept them for rinsing and headed to the lounge. I followed her, before she could sit on the couch, I pulled her waist closer and started to dance without any music, a nostalgic event in itself. Taken by surprise, she laughed, trying to keep up. Being a good sport, she moved with the flow and tried balancing herself. With my hand around her waist, I reassured her. We both laughed and danced around the lounge. Landing on the couch later, not able to balance ourselves because we were laughing uncontrollably. She looks at me and says, "I love you", smilingly I replied, "I love you more."

I asked her if she wanted her third request, her eyes twinkled at that thought. She said yes and headed to the washroom with me. I got my shaving kit out and arranged them neatly on the bathroom washbasin. Started to apply the shaving foam, and she looked on, she asked if I knew for how long she had waited to see me shave. I looked at her with my face covered in foam, she replied back,  "Forever" and smiled. Reaching for the razor, she stopped me and told me to wait till she got her iPhone to take a picture. She was back in a jiffy and started snapping away as I shaved. I knew how she was banking on all these memories for the days she would be missing me.

After I finished shaving, we sat in the lounge for sometime. Her head resting on my shoulder, holding my hand tightly, we surfed the channels for a while. We watched a little bit of modern cuisine and wished we could travel to all these places. She let out a sigh, this was a sign of hers, when in deep thought, which she later announced saying how she wished if we could travel around the world together, not think about anything but each other. Take long walks along the shores of the Bosporus, eat at outdoor restaurants, cafes in Paris, or go swimming at Maldives Islands. I couldn't agree more, it would be a dream come true, to be with someone who, means the world to you, and travel to all these places with her. See her gasp looking at these places and always finding peace, knowing that I am beside her to share these beautiful moments. I said to her, "InshAllah love, one day we will travel around the world." She replied, "InshAllah".

It was almost time for her to get ready for the party, as much as she wanted to stay, she still forced herself to go upstairs and get changed. She returned back in 10 mins, wanting my opinion on what top she should wear. We decided on black. She loved asking me about my opinion.  She went back up, while I checked my e-mails.

I got up to have a glass of water, when I saw her descending the stairs. She looked ravishing, with matching shoes and earrings. Stunned by what I saw, I waited for her. She knew, I was dumbstruck. She came closer and stood right in front of me with no space between us, she looked at me, admiring her, she smiled. I pulled her closer and kissed her. She gasped, and held on to me, blushing again.

While going to pick her car keys from the kitchen, she asked me if I needed anything? I kept teasing her saying that I had planned for a dinner together but you have to be with your friends, she would make a sad face and then I will try to cheer her up and explain, that it was alright. To go and enjoy her evening and not worry about me or anything. She calmed down, bidding me goodbye, she walked out the door.

I wandered around the house aimlessly, trying not to think much. The day was almost over and tomorrow will be the last day, these thoughts were consuming my soul, I wasn't able to think anything positive or peaceful. I tried to take my mind off it by going through her things. She had some of her stuff in the suitcase upstairs. I went through it, looking at her clothes, trying to remember where she wore them. Fending those earlier thoughts, I had managed to relive those beautiful moments with her. The clothes, the jewelry and her perfume were the helping catalyst.

The happy moments were short lived, as I came down the stairs, an emptiness engulfed me. My heart taking charge again, making me realize that she wasn't in the house, that I missed her, missed everything about her. It made me rethink of what was to come and how I would cope, when she leaves the next day. My judgement was clouded. I had to sit down and make sure that I won't break down now, after all the brave front I had put for her. I had to stop thinking about it, stop thinking about the growing pain, I felt inside me. Looking at the big picture again, I had to be her strength. I had to make sure that she doesn't even get the slightest indication of my pain. Even in my wildest dreams, I could never see her cry or make her feel sad. I believed and still believe, sadness never deserved her.

I walked to the kitchen, trying hard not to think, I browsed the fridge. Found the cheese platter. I tasted them, one after another, preventing the taste to settle in probably because every little thing in the house reminded me of her. My cheese tasting memory was still fresh. She was the one who had recommended me to try it. Still at war with my heart, I headed to the lounge. Making myself busy, was the only option.  I started reading my emails loudly, thinking it might divert my thoughts or maybe just silence my heart.

3 hours passed by. I was waiting impatiently for her return. It felt like ages since I saw her. The pain was unbearable at this point. I could hear the empty house, heedful to every little rustle, wishing the door locks to turn, I kept staring in that direction. Finally I heard the car in the driveway, anticipating her arrival, I stood up, still looking at the door. I heard the locks turn, she came in with a broad smile, standing in the corridor, "Hi baby", she said. Not able to express how glad I was to see her, I almost ran towards her.

"I missed you love", I said to her. Hugging her tightly, I started to cry. I couldn't stand the pain anymore. It was an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I just couldn't control myself. I could hear myself cry with such intensity. My hands felt my wet tears on her back. She tried to calm me, saying, "It's alright, please don't cry." Wiping my tears I looked at her, now it was her turn, she was breaking down too. She embraced me again, sobbing and shuddering. I could feel her pain, her aching heart. We both hugged each other tighter, not wanting to let go.

There were times when we never needed words to express ourselves and this was one of them. We tried wiping each other's tears, but they filled her eyes anew. I kept saying sorry for no reason, and she did the same. I felt helpless not able to console her, and she knew there was no way out of it, but to let our tears flow. After fifteen minutes of crying and comforting each other, we were able to compose ourselves. We walked together, hand in hand, to the kitchen. I gave her water to drink, she drank some and passed it on to me. "I love you", she said. "I love you more", I said, taking a sip. Seeing her breakdown like that, I made her promise to never cry alone. She did the same. I wanted to say so many things to her, to comfort her, but I couldn't. I never found the right words to say till date, maybe because pain cant be explained explicitly but only felt. Although I would never wish this pain on anyone.

We retired to the bedroom, she changed and came. We lay on the bed looking at each other, snuggled closed together.  We were quiet, both of us thinking the inevitable. It was midnight, the last day had began. Cupping her face, I said, "Love, I will always love you. Please, never forget me." "I may forget to breathe, but I will never forget you, you are my soulmate and loving you comes naturally" she replied.

"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
Khalil Gibran


Day 3, the last day to be contd....