Cleaning Day

The job, in itself, is easy.

         The Hoopers are what were commonly referred to as a “power couple.”  They skipped having children to focus on their careers, and they had been wildly successful.  She was a highly respected doctor, having published several articles in high-minded journals such as The New England Journal of Medicine; he was a lawyer, representing several billion dollar companies.  Between work and after-work functions, they have no time to clean their house.  That’s where I came in.

         Every Wednesday, I pull up in my beat-up van right after the Hoopers both leave.  It’s then eight to ten hours of laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing floors, cleaning toilets, doing dishes, and whatever else needs to be done.  Easy work, and I usually listen to my IPod, zipping from task to task.  I clean the house, and I wait.

         I knew that it wouldn’t be long, because my right leg had ached the way it always did before it happened.  A nasty deep ache that would not be ignored.  It limited my mobility, but my pain was a welcome friend.  I don’t know how anyone could perform without a warning system. 

         I was in the kitchen washing dishes, when I felt the air in the house suddenly drop twenty degrees.  It wouldn’t be long now.  I dropped the dirty dishes, and I waited for the accompanying noise that went with the chill. 

         I didn’t have long to wait.  I heard it from the living room, an echoing boom that shook all the cabinets in the kitchen.  The sound always sent chills down my spine.  It reminded me of removing a bandage multiplied in intensity by a million.  I took a deep breath and hobbled into the living room.

         Rising out a billowing plume of green smoke where a $5,000 sofa used to be, a demon appeared.  Big fellow about seven feet tall, but I’d seen bigger.  His eyes glowed a dark orange that would illuminate a dark room.  His horns and claws I knew from experience were razor-sharp.  The room stunk of the aggressive sulfur smell that always accompanied demons showing up.  He turned his massive horned head and focused directly on me.  A spew of incomprehensible language fell from his jaws, a mixture of shouts and nails on a chalkboard.

         “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said.  “Go tell someone who cares.”

         Acting quickly, I cast my first spell setting up boundaries to keep him into the room.  The last thing I needed was the demon to escape this area and wreak havoc up everything.  Realizing the prison I had quickly established, the demon bellowed again and took a step toward me. 

         This wouldn’t do at all.  With my mobility hampered, I wasn’t about to get into a fight with a demon whose claws could impale me without a second thought.  I cast my next spell, trying to immobilize where he stood.  With the massive bulk of the demon, it wouldn’t hold for long but it would hold long enough.  I waited for the next stage of the game, hoping Mrs. Hooper wouldn’t be too slow.

         On cue, Mrs. Hooper entered into her once pristine family room, now occupied by myself and a seven-foot demon. 

         “Jonas!  What is going on?” she shouted.

         “You see, Mrs. Hoover, you shouldn’t make deals with demons to get fame and fortune.  They always show up to collect.”

         “But, I didn’t…”

         “He, I’m sure, would say otherwise.”

         With that, the demon bellowed again, beginning to break out of my immobilization.  His focus shifted away from me to the object of his desire, Mrs. Hoover.  She cowered in the doorway, unable to take her eyes off the impossible monstrosity.

         Taking advantage of the demon looking away from me, I hit him with my final shot.  Another explosion rocked the foundation of the house as I re-opened the portal.  The demon, still partially entangled with my immobilization enchantment, did not have the strength to fight off the portal that just opened.  Like a vacuum sucks up crumbs on the carpet, the portal sent the demon back from where he came.

         Mrs. Hooper, struggling to cope with the scene around her, angrily approached me.  “Jonas, look at this mess!  My sofa is ruined!  Ruined!  You are responsible for all of this!  What are you going to do?”

         Softly under my breath, I muttered the final enchantment that I would need today.  A simple spell to make her forget.  Mrs. Hooper blinked rapidly, like she was waking up from a dream.  She looked around her family room, traces of smoke still hanging in the air and her sofa ruined.

         “Jonas?  What happened?”

         “Gas main, ma’am.  I’m sorry about the mess.”

         “Oh, posh!  The insurance will take care of all this.  Were you in the living room when all this happened?”

         “I was.  Threw me to the floor, gave me quite a scare.”

         “Oh no!  You poor, poor man!”

         “I’m afraid I can’t come back here.  Too many bad memories.”

         Mrs. Hooper clucked her tongue in sympathy.  “Oh, you poor man!  I understand completely!  I’ll make sure Mr. Hooper gives you an extra month pay for your trouble.”

         “Thank you, ma’am.”

         With that, I left Mrs. Hoover in her ravaged living room and limped out to my beat-up van.  Another’s day work, another demon sent back to where he came.  But, there would always be more houses to clean.  It’s a job that couldn’t be ignored.  Even, if the job is easy, in itself.