Like Father, Like daughter

Witnessing my mom getting hit was becoming part of my daily lifestyle. It would happen right in front of me and my little sister Amarina. It was brutal. I couldn’t even believe what was going on. Growing up, my dad was such a loving gentle person. How could he end up like this? Why did he end up like this? Amarina definitely didn’t understand the situation, and neither of my parents could explain it to her. There were unexpected fights all the time. It all started when I was 14 and Amarina was two.

We both knew there was something not right in the house. When I was 11, my dad lost his job. He would occasionally drink to make the pain go away. It wasn’t anything that bothered me. I was barely even home when I was eleven. I was too busy having sleepovers with my “cool” middle school friends. My mom on the other hand had a major problem with his drinking. She hated alcohol. I never understood why though.

When I was around 14 I noticed something not right. My mom was sleeping on the couch more often and when I would wake up to get ready for school there were always presents. My mom ALWAYS got white roses. I enjoyed these presents, I was a freshman in high school and getting the newest CD or new clothes all the time made me cool. In the beginning I didn’t really know what the gifts were about and I didn’t really care. I was young and had a boyfriend. His name was Mason and he was a junior at the time. I fell under his charm ever since I saw him walking down the hallway the first day of school. He thought I was spoiled for getting all those gifts, but he didn’t even know the half of it.

I hated the fact that my mom was being abused and I couldn’t do anything about it. I’ve witnessed a couple if the fights. Nobody knew I saw them though, I would peek around the corner, hide behind things, anything that wouldn’t expose me. I couldn’t believe the things I saw. My dad was actually hitting my mom. It seemed as if I could almost feel the slaps. They were vicious. How could she let him just hit her? I didn’t understand.

After the one fight I saw I woke up with a gift on my dresser. I now knew what these were for. It was my dad’s way of apologizing. I hated him. I hated him for hurting my mom, for breaking our family up and for letting himself get this way. I would never in my life tell him that though. I was afraid of him. I didn’t want my mom to know that I had figured out about the gifts so I just kept it to myself and acted like nothing was wrong. It was hard acting like everything was normal. In school it seemed like people would talk about their parents all the time. It would kill me inside to hear those things. I was longing for a normal family where everybody was happy.

That day I went over Mason’s house after school. We were home alone and I was debating on telling him about everything that has been happening at home. I figured he would tell somebody. So instead I told him that a relationship wasn’t working out for me. I only could worry about one thing and that was my family. I didn’t need to think about Mason and his problems either. I had enough on my mind. He was upset with me but I knew he’d get over it.

When my mom came to pick me up at his house I could see she had a large bruise on her arm in the shape of a hand. I wanted to cry but I held it in. I knew she could feel my eyes staring at it but I couldn’t stop looking. I was awful. Her hands were tightly clamped on the steering wheel the whole way home. Neither of us spoke, and it was completely quiet. The only thing I could hear was the sound of the cars outside. After five minutes of silence my mom had began to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she was just stressed about one of the projects she had been working on. I knew this was a lie. That was always her excuse.

These beating went on for two more years. When I was around the age of sixteen everything started to change. One night around 7:30 I could hear my parents yelling at each other. I needed to know what was going on so I slowly snuck out of my room and went to the hallway leading into the living room. What I saw was disgusting. My dad grabbed my mom by her throat and threw her on the ground. I felt something grab me tightly and I looked down. Poor innocent Amarina was holding on to my arm watching the whole fight. I saw my mom look at us. She had tears pouring out of her eyes. Then I saw my dad. He had no idea we were standing there. I was disgusted by him. I saw Amarina try to move forward and help my mom. I quickly grabbed her and ran into my room.

“SISSY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! I WAS TRYING TO HELP MOMMY!”

“NO Amarina, no. If you ever see something like that happen again you stay back” I said as the burning tears were running down my face.

“Is daddy gonna hit me now?” Amarina said softly

I didn’t know the answer to that question and I couldn’t tell my little 6 year old sister what was going on so I just held her there tightly as we both cried. She cried for about five minutes and then finally calmed down. I let her sleep in my bed that night because she was too scared that dad would come and hurt her. Poor Rena I thought. A six year old trying to understand a problem that was much too mature for her sweet innocent self. I lay in bed that whole night crying my eyes out.

The next morning Amarina and I were brought into the kitchen by our hunger. I was hoping Amarina had forgotten about the whole thing. The first thing I saw in the kitchen was my mom standing by a vase of white roses. That made me sick. I had begun to hate those things. I walked up to my mom touching the bruise on her head. That killed me inside. I could feel the tears coming but my mom begged me not to cry. I slowly walked to my chair and sat down. As my mom was fixing Amarina a bowl of cereal I saw her mouth open and attempt to say something. She was quickly stopped by the sound of my dad walking into the kitchen. He had a big smile on his face as he told us all good morning. He set a bag on the table in front of me and told me that he had gotten me a present. I winced and grabbed the little black box out of the bag. He had bought me a beautiful gold diamond necklace with a charm in the shape of a D. He told me he would put it on for me. I cringed his hand went around my neck. He had used those hands to grab my mother by the throat and throw her on the ground less than 24 hours before. The gift for Amarina was a white stuffed cat. She was so excited to get a new toy. He then looked at my mom telling her how he knew white roses were her favorite and she replied with an “I oppose so” I for sure thought that the remark my mother had just made was going to set off a fight. It didn’t surprisingly. He walked over to the fridge, grabbed a beer, and told my mom he was going to be back later tonight.

As soon as he left I could feel the tears coming out of my eyes. I walked over to Amarina stroking her hair. She began to ask all these questions about my dad and why he had hit my mom. I could see my mom’s pain so I told Amarina to finish her breakfast and to go to her room. I told her I would pick her out a cute outfit and do her hair. She jumped down from the chair, holding her new toy and walked down the hallway into her room. When we got in her room I tried to make her forget about all of this. I asked her about school and all of her friends. She still seemed to have my parents fight on her mind. I looked into her big bright green eyes and saw her pain. I told her I would take her to the mall and buy her whatever she wanted.

We returned from the mall right before dinner time. Amarina was in her room and I was in mine around the time my dad arrived home. He was angry and I was scared. Mom told me and Rena it was time for dinner and we headed to the table grasping on to each other. About five minutes into dinner my parents started arguing. They were arguing over if my mom marinated the chicken long enough because it didn’t meet my dad’s satisfactions. When my dad leaped out of his chair knocking his plate onto the ground, Amarina screamed and buried her face in my chest. I didn’t know where my dad was going. He started coming towards me. I thought he was going to hit me. His hand was up and my whole body was scrunched up assuming the worst. But instead of hitting me he grabbed a knife and started yelling at my mom. He kept pounding the knife into the table over and over again. I saw my mom look as Amarina and I sitting on the floor crying. She screamed “Go!” As we tried to leave my dad grabbed Amarina by her hair and she started screamed. I quickly ran up to him yelling for him to let her go. He threw me on the ground. He threatened to kill all of us and to burn the house down. My mom leaped at him, smacking her head off the counter. I closed my eyes and the next thing I felt was a tug on my arm. I looked up and saw Amarina standing above me.

I looked around and saw my unconscious father lying on the ground. My mom helped me up and told me to take my sister to our aunt’s house. She told us she loved us and that everything would be okay. I quickly ran down the hallway, grabbed a bag and started throwing all of my clothes and necessities into it. I told Amarina to do the same. I picked her up with both of our bags on my arm, got in my car and started driving to my aunts. I cried the whole way there. I was wondering if my mom was okay. What if she didn't make it? So many thoughts were in my mind. When we got to our Aunts I ran the door and started banging on it. She opened it in confusion. I was crying my eyes out and trying to explain the whole story the best that I could. She was in complete shock. She told me and Amarina that our mother would be fine… I hoped so. About an hour later, my mother arrived in a police car. I was thrilled the she was okay and alive. She sat me and Amarina down in the other room and tried to explain what happened

“When I was at the house alone with daddy I called the police on him because he was trying to hurt me. The police men came and took him away because he wasn't being very nice to them. I don’t know where they took them though, so you might have to wait a while to see him… is that okay Amarina?”

“I don’t like daddy! He hurt you and he pulled my hair. I don’t ever want to see him” said Amarina while tears were forming in her eyes

“Okay sweetie, if you don’t want to see him you don’t have to”

We returned to our house about two weeks later. Things started to get better. Mom started to speak the people about domestic violence and we were all coping well. I graduated high school the next year and planned to go to the University of Pittsburgh to be a pharmacist. I’m now 18 and live on campus. I would like to say everything is perfect but then I would be lying. I live with my boyfriend Skyler. When we met he was everything I was looking for in a guy. For the first couple of month we were both happy and everything was going great until one day during one of fights he hit me. I was in shock. He knew about my dad and what he used to do to my mom and he still hit me. I was furious, but I was also scared. Skyler was intimidating. He would hit me all the time. We were always fighting about how he thought I was cheating on him because I was never home. I was only just trying to stay away from him. I was turning into my mom telling Skyler how I had big papers to write or how I had to tutor somebody. I always had an excuse. I was staying home all the time and the beatings stopped. I thought things were getting better until last night after a Halloween party he actually beat me up. I have huge bruises on my whole body. I’m scared to leave and go to my classes. What if he hits me again? If I tell somebody I know he’ll find out. I’m hopeless..