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loss of family and my closest friend due to addiction |
Its that feeling of sickening sadness. The agonizing emotions as you look at a still life. That once to be alive, telling you secrets and hidden jokes. Just living life. Ever so suddenly. It always hits me when I am off guard. a shot below the belt. fate seems to not pick favorites. A death of these problems is all I wish. To many people trapped in addictions. fading away from my touch. falling down into caskets from pills we all took. We all were trapped in our regretful decisions. rewrite descriptions on opiate prescriptions. It takes us all by surprise. Once we thought we were wise. Invincible till the body to our left is now trapped behind bars or falls underneath the earth beneath the stars. these wind chimes blow a heart wrenching melody. Of the ambitions faded from those taken way too suddenly. Its as if I have swept up the pieces of my life. About to glue these particles together when a familiar face disappears for ever. and blows my shattered life in knee deep water. I sometimes wish to take their places, For none of them were deserving of early fate. Its my blood that has faded when I realize I was too late. To save my brother from this kind of state. nor alive nor dead. Just behind bars. existing. Like I was when I struggled in the begging. I reached for the light and pulled myself out. But I left the only one that I can't part without. blood in blood out. I should have been with him. when he was pinned by lights in an unmoral transaction. taking him from our family bond. I feel guilt. I feel blame. I am clean but I should have stayed. death and disappearing is wearing my conscience thin. I feel like my blood had thinned in the process. letting go of our tight family grip to try and survive. Its not your fault. You just watched everything I used to do. Its not your fault, I showed you how to abuse and use. Just let me go to him. Just let me switch places with him. Desperation is kicking in. Just let me see all of them dead and gone barred and moved on. the nightmares are sure to come back again. I just lost my brother and best friend This is real life no matter how hard I try to pretend. Someone lead me out of this god forsaken wonderland. The voices of the lost and trapped faces I loved. keep me stuck in this ungodly place. Press on. Its getting harder. press on. I am not getting any stronger. The breeze of this moist warm air. will always make me remember. The ones trapped and buried in this codeine galaxy. Its not a majestic sight it used to be, the lost memories and hopeless dreams. were pulled underneath the influence of forever swallowed by the edge of what we know of time and existence. These faults in life come with way too much consistence. Time shows no mercy and calls on no jury, when karma has come to collect. |