Accents Speak Louder than Words

        Last year, an Australian boys basketball team visited my high school for a day. As the handsome, young men shadowed many of our classes, my female classmates and I drooled over our guest’s Aussie accents and fell head over heels for our new visitors, completely ignoring class lectures and our American male peers. By the end of the school day, many of the high school girls had flirtatiously exchanged cell phone numbers with the Australian boys, invited them to local restaurants and became Facebook friends. An astute senior boy was later quoted in my high school, The Academy’s, yearbook, stating, “The most important thing I learned while at The Academy: Chicks dig Australian accents.” Also in a state of disbelief after witnessing the influence of the Australians on high school girls, my 40 year-old religion teacher stated, “I wish I could have learned the power of an accent earlier in life. I would have practiced more.” Clearly, if American men want to increase their dating appeal on American women, they need to brush up on their Australian accents.
        For weeks, I had sat in my English class during the five minute intercom announcements listening to my Dean advertise an upcoming varsity basketball game against a traveling Australian boys team.  I paid slight attention to these announcements because I thought it was just another basketball game—nothing special. But, the day before the game, Matt, a varsity basketball player, announced to my English class that he and his teammates would each be hosting an Australian player the next day, and that Matt would be bringing one to our class. Each girl, including myself, perked up and dreamed about our next English class. Like young girls fantasizing about a celebrity crush, we envisioned meeting the stereotypical “Aussie” with a sexy accent, perfectly toned body, and golden, tan skin. In a countdown to the basketball team’s arrival, we continuously reminded our peers, “The Australians are coming!!”
        The next day, The Academy’s entire female population transformed from worn-out, sleep-deprived teenagers to flirty, love-struck girls. Walking through the hallways to my first class, I spotted Matt walking with his Aussie. The boy from down under stood out like a blue crayon amongst grays, wearing his bright blue warm-ups next to Matt’s dull school uniform. Matt, like the rest of the boys in the school, was wearing khaki pants with a tucked-in, collared, pastel shirt and tie. The Aussie’s warm-ups were like a breath of fresh air within a sea of conservative Catholic school clothes. I turned my head as I passed Matt in the hallway, watching the Aussie trailing beside him. My mind blanked, in shock, as I gave the Aussie the “elevator eyes.” He was hot, and by the turning heads of the girls surrounding me, they thought so too. Like all my girlfriends, I could not wait until AP English class.
        In the hallways between classes, my friends and I scouted out varsity basketball players because we knew that wherever they were, an Aussie was nearby. After many class periods of waiting, fifth period arrived, and as the bell rang commencing the start of class, in walked Matt and his blue warm-ups-wearing guest. In a class of thirty students with only four boys, the Aussie was walking into a room of raging hormones. All eyes turned to the blond-haired 18 year-old as Matt introduced him to the class, “This is Harry Griffiths.” 
The sound of the quintessential British name, “Harry,” melted the hearts of me and my female classmates. But, as we began to eagerly welcome Harry, in hopes of hearing his accent, my teacher stopped us saying, “Wait! Harry! Don’t say a word!” Then, my amused English teacher faced the class and said, “If you would like to hear Harry speak, the class needs to raise ten dollars for the Christmas charity drive.” Instantly, girls searched their wallets for spare dollars and waved them in the air to give to our teacher. The classroom looked like a bunch of women at a strip club, and I eagerly participated by donating a dollar to the cause.
         In seconds, ten dollars was raised, and girls were flirting with Harry, questioning him about his life in Australia, and blushing at the sound of his gorgeous accent. The room was drowning in teenage love, and full of giggles, as we asked Harry to recite some stereotypical Australian words including “Outback Steakhouse,” “Geico,” “kangaroos,” and “Aussie.” We even adored Harry and his accent as he told us, “I’ve been very surprised by Americans. For some reason, I thought more people would be fat.” To us, girls, it didn’t matter what Harry said. By simply speaking, he had won our hearts.
        So, American men, if you want to learn how to make an American woman fall in love with you, all you need to do is practice your Australian accent. Immerse yourself into the accent, similarly to how American students immerse themselves in foreign languages. Perhaps Rosetta Stone will eventually create a program for all you men in need. In the meantime, watch movies and YouTube interviews with legendary Australian actors such as Russell Crowe, Heath Ledger and Hugh Jackman. Imitate their voices and practice your accent from the moment you rise from bed until the moment you doze off in slumber. With time, your accent will be automatic and all your hard work will pay off. American women will flock to you and drool at each word that you speak. You will never again find difficulty in attracting women.
        To those American men who say they can attract American women without using an Australian accent, I will say that it is possible. But, there is a difference between being attractive and being hot. An American accent is barely attractive and dull to the ears of the average American woman. An Australian accent, on the other hand, is exotic, simmering hot, and instantly appealing to the ears of women. Women can’t help what they are attracted to, and it’s a simple fact that American women adore the sexy Russell Crowe’s, Heath Ledger’s and Hugh Jackman’s of this world because of their accents. Whether or not this phenomenon is caused by an intrinsic element of the female DNA or a trigger that raises hormone levels is inconsequential. It is a fact of nature that American women cannot help but adore men with Australian accents.