Finding The Right Words

The fact that Jack was in trouble again was no surprise to Lilly. The fact that her entire coffee-morning circle turned up one day early was.

She opened the door, coat already on, ready to go to the police station. Her brows creased.

“Did we swap days?” she asked, staring at a sea of eleven middle-aged women.

“We heard the news, dear,” said Clarissa, self-nominated head of the coffee league. “Can we come in?”

“But I was just...” Lilly subsided as the gang trooped into her living room. She twitched toward the door, then looked back. Jack would have to wait a few minutes longer, she supposed. He should be used to it by now.

The living room was silent as she entered. None of the usual chatter, all eyes trained on her.

“Umm... tea? Coffee?” she stuttered into the void.

“We're here to talk, sweetie,” said Clarissa.

“But tea would be lovely,” said Vanessa. The woman on her right poked her. “I mean, it's fine. I'm not thirsty.”

“Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I can't stay long. I have to...”

“Yes. We know,” said Clarissa. “And we want to support you, Lilly. Really we do. But this just can't go on.”

Lilly looked from face to face. “What can't?”

“This trouble with poor Jack,” she said. There was a sussuration of 'Poor Jack' around the now-crowded room. “We feel,” she continued. “We all feel this can't continue. As his mother, it's time for you to step in – maybe even step up – to the role.”

“I beg your pardon?” Lilly stared.

“Darling,” said Danielle, eyes glittering as she leant forward. “Jack's in real trouble here. If I'm correct, it's the fourth time this year he's been held by the police. Stealing, mugging, getting into fights, taking... certain substances?” Her nose wrinkled.

Funny, thought Lilly. She seemed more disgusted by the drugs than Jack actually breaking another man's pelvis and fracturing two of his ribs.  “Are you saying this is my fault, somehow?”

“Now don't get defensive, sweetie,” said Clarissa. “Nobody's saying you're a bad mother. Just... that Jack obviously needs something a little special. Something more than he's getting at the moment. And we're here to help.”

“After all,” said the new girl, Lauren, was it? “He did lose his father at age six. That has to be traumatic.”

“It traumatised all of us,” said Lilly, hotly. “He had counselling. That I was happy to pay for, even though the insurance didn't cover it.”

“Well, now, perhaps that's another point. All those long hours you worked. A growing boy needs his mother.” Danielle was enjoying this, Lilly would swear. It was no surprise. She was the coffee-league's Chief Bitch and Bottle Washer.

“A lot of mothers work,” she said, through gritted teeth. “And I gave up four years ago, anyway...”

“Well then, maybe you were smothering him!”

“I -”

“Lilly. Can I just say something?” Vanessa raised her hand timidly.

“Oh why not. Everyone else has.”

“Well... it's just... you're a very practical person. Very brave, very determined. But maybe not very demonstrative. Have you ever... you know... just sat Jack down and said you love him? No matter what? That you'll always be there for him? I know children act out when they want their parents' love. Maybe he feels he's not getting it. Not that you're not giving it, just that he might think you're not, I mean...”

“Yes, yes, I understand,” said Lilly, if only to stop Vanessa from digging her tongue into an ever deeper grave. “But I've told Jack I love him a thousand times. It's not always as simple...”

“Have you told him in a way he can understand? I mean, really understand?” Chief Bitch was back, lips curving lazily. “Before you dismiss all our solutions, darling, consider this. Your way isn't working. Hasn't worked for some years. And that's okay. Motherhood doesn't come naturally to all of us. Sometimes we just have to admit that. Sometimes we have to allow others to help.”

Trust her to sneak in the dig about motherhood. Lilly almost snarled aloud. Despite the fact that Danielle had never put in any visible effort around her daughter, she was now in med school. And Clarissa's two kids were setting up their own business. Difference was, none of them had to deal with Jack!

“Well, you're right about one thing,” she admitted, unwillingly. “My way isn't working. And maybe I haven't done the right thing, or found the right words. I promise you, one way or another, things will be different from now on. But right now, I have to go and fetch my son. And I'll think about what you said. I really will.”

She did. All the way to the police station. And by the time she had arrived, surprisingly, she had found a little peace.

She knew what she was going to do.

After all the paperwork and the processing, her son was released. He came out, a studied look of contempt on his face, and Lilly approached him.

“Jack,” she said, and then, “Stop!” as he began to walk right past her.

“What!” he snapped, half-turning.

“I love you,” she said. “I want you to know that. And I've tried to provide for you, tried to give you what you need. I think the only thing I haven't given you is this.” She approached him, touched his arm gently. “You're out. I'm changing the locks, your belongings will be on the driveway, for you to pick up or not as you like. And don't expect me to bail you out again.”

She walked past him, dimly aware that the sneer had turned to open-mouthed shock.

If you love someone, let them go. If they don't come back, they were never yours to begin with.

He would come back. Eventually. For the first time in years, she felt sure. It had taken a while, but the right words had come at last.